The Enneagram and Sexuality: Understanding Your Preferences

Exploring Enneagram and sexuality can help us improve our relationships and understand what attracts us to others. By comprehending the nature of sexual attraction and analyzing how each Enneagram type views intimacy and the challenges they face, we can gain a deeper insight into their emotional needs, too.

In this article, we’ll provide insight into what intimacy means to each type, how sensual they are, and which types are the most sexually compatible.

Let’s dive in!

What is the Enneagram and How Does It Work?

Enneagram is a personality system and a powerful tool for self-discovery based on influences from ancient wisdom, modern philosophy, and personality psychology. It divides people into nine Enneagram personality types, each with distinct core fears, desires, motivations, and strengths.

Some of the most important concepts of the Enneagram include:

• Enneagram wings that explain how each type can come in two subtypes
• Enneagram arrows that describe how each type changes depending on the developmental phase they are going through
• Enneagram motivations provide insight into what drives each type’s behavior and how they construct their life strategy

So, taking an Enneagram test and determining your Enneagram type gives you a well-rounded description of all the core aspects of your personality type. The insights you get from Enneagram are a great foundation for personal growth and development and can lead to significant improvements in every aspect of your life.

How Does Enneagram Affect Sexuality?

Enneagram affects sexuality in the sense that each Enneagram type has its own specific sexual identity and preferences in line with its core motivations, values, and needs.

Sexuality plays an important role in every type’s life, and it defines its quality to a great extent. Sexual instinct is the instinct that propels us to connect with others, and its scope includes way more than physical sexual intercourse. Moreover, sexual instinct is also connected with creativity, courage, and passion.

The healthier sexuality is in a person, the more energy they have, the more easily they attract people they like, and the more joy they feel about life.

Exploring Enneagram and sexuality can provide significant insights into what each type needs to boost their sexual energy and foster healthy sexuality.

Enneagram Types and Sexuality: Thorough Analysis

Now that we have explained the importance of Enneagram and sexuality, let’s analyze Enneagram sexual preferences in detail! We’ll also cover Enneagram sexual needs and behaviors of Enneagram types in relationships.

Enneagram Type 1—The Perfect Lover

At first sight, it may seem like One’s strong sense of morality and idealistic nature could compromise their sexuality. Their constant need for self-improvement and relentless personal ethics don’t leave much room for sensual playfulness and hedonism.

However, Ones usually successfully integrate their sexuality with their principles by never accepting sex without love. They typically have very strict demands and expectations around relationships, and when they feel they have the right person by themselves, their sexual drive runs through the roof.

Additionally, Ones are very passionate and thoughtful lovers who always make sure their partners enjoy the act as much as they do.

The major challenge for Enneagram 1 in bed is allowing for more spontaneity and playfulness. Even when they feel entirely safe and sure of their choice of partner, Ones may approach sexuality with too much rigidity.

Another challenge for them comes from being too self-conscious. They may feel guilty for feeling lust toward someone who doesn’t match their strict criteria.

Enneagram and sexuality tip: Ones need to learn more about the nature of sexual instinct to understand that our desires can’t always be controlled; only our behavior can.

Enneagram compatibility: The sensual, caring, and kind Twos are a great sexual partner for Type One as their warmth soothes their anxieties, sparking a lasting flame in them.

Enneagram Type 2—The Sensual Giver

Twos don’t scream sex appeal at first sight either, but they have a huge capacity for joy and pleasure. Their warm, caring, and compassionate nature makes them very attractive to all kinds of people, and their talent for reading others’ needs makes them very desirable partners.

However, despite their very pronounced hedonistic streak, Twos aren’t capable of accepting sexual connection without emotional intimacy. They need to feel emotionally close to their partners to be able to enjoy their sexual desires.

The most challenging thing about Twos’ sexuality is their tendency to manipulate their partners using sexuality. Emotionally drained Twos may use sex as a means to get what they want from their partner, sacrificing their own pleasure in the meantime.

Enneagram and sexuality tip: Twos need to understand that putting their desires first can spice up their sexual life, not jeopardize it.

Enneagram compatibility: A sexual relationship with Type Four may be very rewarding for Twos, as Fours would encourage them to explore their own desires and sexuality.

Enneagram Type 3—The Passionate Scorer

Threes are very alluring, and they foster an image of alfa-male/female, radiating sexual energy and natural charisma. Ambitious, energetic, and attractive, they usually have very exciting sexual lives.

More than any other Enneagram type, Threes are likely to separate sex from love. They can be madly in love with someone while having sexual adventures on the side without feeling any guilt at all. That’s because they are trained from early on to keep their emotions separated from their minds to prevent their feelings from interfering with their performance.

Therefore, the biggest challenge for Threes is tointegrate love and sexuality through connecting with their authentic needs. They may also see sex only as a means of self-promotion to showcase their desirability, ending up feeling empty and confused.

Enneagram and sexuality tip: Threes need to learn that love and sex can come together and that love doesn’t exclude passion but ignites it.

Enneagram compatibility: Twos are both sensual and emotional, so they can help Threes integrate love and sexuality through a deep emotional connection.

Enneagram Type 4—The Inspiring Seducer

Fours have a unique charm, and their image of a mysterious and intense person often makes them very attractive. Immersed in their own depths, driven by the need to understand their identity, Fours enjoy exploring their sexuality.

In general, Fours are unpredictable and exciting lovers because they act on an impulse and spontaneously pursue their desires. However, since they are also deeply emotional and one of the most romantic Enneagram types, Fours need to feel a profound emotional connection before giving in to their sexual fantasies.

The biggest challenge for Enneagram 4 in bed comes from their tendency to see themselves in a negative light, exaggerating their perceived flaws. They may grow to believe that they are not beautiful or desirable enough for the person they want and, as a result, may become too sensitive to even the lightest signs of rejection.

Enneagram and sexuality tip: The most important thing for Fours is to learn to focus on the joy that comes with sex instead of on their own flaws. Choosing the right partner may help them overcome their insecurities.

Enneagram compatibility: Ones have the intensity needed to ignite Fours’ passion while also being genuinely respectful and caring so that Fours can feel protected and safe to enjoy their sensuality.

Enneagram Type 5—The Enigmatic Charmer

Enneagram Type 5 is the most intellectually oriented Enneagram type and usually the least interested in sexuality. Their energy is mostly directed toward controlling their emotions and instincts so that they can entirely devote themselves to their intellectual pursuits.

Therefore, Fives connect with others through shared interests and aren’t particularly sensitive to sexual chemistry. Moreover, they are more likely to run away from someone who inspires strong sexual desire than to seek a connection with them. They need a patient and emotionally intelligent partner to feel safe enough to engage in sexual intimacy.

Obviously, the most challenging task for Fives is to relax and give in to their sexual desires. They need a strong and meaningful emotional connection to be able to enjoy the physical aspect of the relationship.

Enneagram and sexuality tip: To enjoy their sexuality, Fives need to reconnect with their bodies and learn to open up emotionally to their partners.

Enneagram compatibility: The responsible, consistent Ones may be strong and persistent enough to earn Fives’ trust while also matching their intellectual aspirations.

Enneagram Type 6—The Traditional Lover

The humble, loyal, and diligent Sixes are primarily oriented toward security in their lives and aren’t particularly interested in sexuality. They like to lead simple, structured lives with vacations planned well in advance, surrounded by family and friends.

However, despite their modest and down-to-earth image, Sixes are deeply sensual. Similarly to Ones, they also can’t separate love from sexuality and insist on connecting with their partner emotionally and intellectually before engaging in a physical relationship. Nevertheless, unlike Ones, they don’t do it because of their principles but because of their need for security.

So, it is not surprising that the biggest challenge for them is to trust their partner. They also struggle with their own insecurities and, generally, like all the Head types, may overthink sexuality instead of simply enjoying it.

Enneagram and sexuality tip: Sixes need to learn to trust their instincts more, embrace spontaneity, and stop waiting for their partner to make them feel safe—they have to become their own source of security first.

Enneagram compatibility: Eights, with their protective attitude and fierce self-confidence, may be just what Sixes need to release the power of their sexuality.

Enneagram Type 7—The Playful Don Juan

The enthusiastic Sevens radiate sex appeal as they are free, spontaneous, uninhibited, and full of joy. They are energetic, passionate, and optimistic individuals who charm everyone around them and, therefore, easily attract partners.

For Sevens, sexuality is a colorful playground, an abundant source of joy, and they embrace it with all their power. They are very passionate lovers who easily get excited about new experiences but also lose their interest just as easily. Their untamed sexuality seeks constant challenge and stimulation.

Needless to say, it is very challenging for Sevens to build and maintain a committed relationship. For them, love is just a game, and sexuality is one of their favorite toys.

Enneagram and sexuality tip: Sevens should learn how to commit to someone and explore the depth of the connection instead of just the width of the experience—they will be amazed by how much variety there can be when they accomplish this.

Enneagram compatibility: The patient and compassionate yet hedonistic Nines can be great sexual partners for Sevens, as they would never pressure them into a relationship so Sevens wouldn’t feel trapped by devoting themselves to the connection.

Enneagram Type 8—The Lucious Lover

The bold and fierce Enneagram Type Eight has a very strong libido, and they unapologetically pursue their sexual interests. Just like in every other aspect of life, Eights like to take charge, be in control, and go all in when it comes to sexuality.

Intense, passionate, and energetic, Eights are capable of separating their sexuality from emotions, but they are also capable of integrating them. One thing is sure: they need lots of challenges, and they enjoy their sexual and love conquests. When they meet someone who can match their intensity, their encounter becomes a feast of senses!

The most important challenge that Eights need to overcome in terms of their sexuality is to learn to balance their need for dominance and show more interest in their partner’s pleasure.

Enneagram and sexuality tip: Eights need to learn to be more emotionally approachable and open. Strengthening the emotional connection will deepen their sexual experiences.

Enneagram compatibility: There’s a lot of chemistry between Eights and Twos, as their sensual natures are complementary. Plus, Twos can help Eights be more emotionally open.

Enneagram Type 9—The Gentle Hedonist

Nines are peace lovers who put others’ needs first, as they value a sense of belonging and harmony more than anything else. Kind, compassionate, and sensitive, Nines are natural caregivers who excel at resolving conflicts and connecting with others.

Their sexuality is very delicate, easily awakened by those who recognize Nines’ gentle sensuality, and deeply hidden for overly aggressive, domineering types. Nevertheless, Nines may be too dependent on others to discover their own sexual needs, as they often lack the initiative and will to assert their desires.

So, the challenge they typically face regarding their sexuality is the challenge of self-exploration. Nines need to discover what attracts them and ignite their passion on their own without waiting for anyone to tell them. Otherwise, they may easily be the victims of manipulation by the more self-serving egocentric personality types.

Enneagram and sexuality tip: Nines have to find the courage to step out of their comfort zones and follow their inner needs and desires.

Enneagram compatibility: Sevens and Fours are great sexual partners for Nines as they encourage them to lose their inhibitions and explore their sensuality.

How Can Enneagram Help You Explore Your Sensuality?

Enneagram can help you not only explore your sensuality but also improve your relationships in every sense.

Here’s an overview of how you can use Enneagram for elevating your connections and sexuality:

• Enneagram can help you understand what ignites your sensuality by shedding light on your deepest emotional needs.
• By exploring your Enneagram type, you’ll learn what motivates and ignites your passion. Such insights will allow you to be more efficient in recognizing those who can meet your needs.
• By analyzing Enneagram communication styles, you can learn to communicate your sexuality more effectively with others and express your needs better.
• Allowing you to understand yourself and others better, Enneagram supports you in building quality connections and developing emotional intimacy, which is associated with sexuality and sensuality, too.

Are You Ready to Know the Truth About Yourself?

Take the Enneagram test, discover your Enneagram type, and reveal your own darkest secrets and brightest strengths!

Key Takeaways

We hope that exploring Enneagram and sexuality inspired you to add one more perspective to how you view your relationships.

To keep you inspired, let’s round off with some key insights from this article:

• Ones, Twos, Fours, Sixes, and Nines need to feel an emotional connection to experience sexual desire toward someone.
• Threes, Fives, Sevens, and Eights tend to separate sexuality from love and can have sexual experiences without being emotionally involved.
• Each Enneagram type can improve their relationships by becoming more aware of their sexual preferences.

Enneagram and Sexuality FAQ