Unhealthy Enneagram 3 Struggles & How to Break the Cycle

Dressed to impress and trained for success, Enneagram Type Three—the Achiever—exudes confidence and charisma. These people thrive under the spotlight and can turn even the most mundane tasks, like making coffee, into a competition. However, handling failure is not one of their strong suits. So, is one bad coffee all that it takes for an unhealthy Enneagram 3 to take over?

Hold on tight because we are about to embark on an exciting journey of revealing the darkest secrets and vulnerabilities of Type Three!

How Does a Healthy Enneagram 3 Look Like?

A healthy, self-aware Enneagram Type Three follows their own inner guidance and is in tune with their deepest desires. They feel good in their own skin and don’t find opening up to others challenging.

When healthy, Threes are well aware of who they are and that their worth is not proportional to the number of awards they get or the number of people who admire them. While they are still very driven and goal-oriented, healthy Threes don’t neglect their feelings and relationships and are capable of inspiring those around them to pursue their own dreams.

Driven and ambitious, yet warm and approachable, Threes are charming leaders with excellent organizational and communication skills. While they never lose sight of their goals, they make enough room for the people they love in their lives. Thanks to emotional maturity, healthy Enneagram 3 switches smoothly between assertiveness and receptivity.

Finally, these individuals are very stress-resilient and tend to see problems as challenges. Failures do not make them feel defeated but inspire them to grow, learn, and look for new ways to succeed.

7 Traits of Unhealthy Enneagram 3

An unhealthy Enneagram Three is like a chameleon and shows many different faces to the world. However, there are a few telltale signs that indicate Type Three is headed down a bad road, and most people can recognize them without much effort.

#1. They Focus Too Much on Achievements

An unhealthy Enneagram 3 holds on to their achievements too tightly, believing that these are the sole measure of their worth. For an Enneagram 3 female, this might manifest as a constant pursuit of perfection in both personal and professional life, often leading to burnout. To them, the accomplishment of any goal, no matter how small, provides a momentary coin of praise.

Achieving goals brings temporary joy, but as soon as this joy fades, they begin to feel discontented and crave more. In other words, they never seem to satisfy their insatiable appetite for success, perpetually feeling empty.

#2. They Are Too Competitive

The competitiveness of unhealthy Enneagram 3 is often unbearable, as they turn even the simplest, most trivial tasks into a competition. From who ate their breakfast faster to whose coffee smells better, the Threes see everything as a call to prove their superiority.

They treat every social situation as a battlefield, whether it is with friends, coworkers, or family. So, needless to say, their antagonism and pointless competitive attitude leave a trail of strained relationships and bruised pride in their wake.

#3. They Cut Off Their Feelings

On an unhealthy level, Threes see feelings as a threat to their public image, achievement, and success in general. They struggle to integrate their genuine needs with their goals and, therefore, experience perpetual inner conflict.

The intense desire to be accepted by others overwhelms any other motivations they may have, so they become shallow, success-obsessed workaholics. They continue to push themselves to the point of collapse despite suffering from a wide range of psychosomatic symptoms that result from denying their true emotions and needs.

#4. They Resort to Immoral Means

No one likes to fail, but for an unhealthy Enneagram 3, even the smallest failure feels like ultimate defeat. They can’t stand the mere thought of failing, and therefore, even the smallest chance of anything going wrong with their plans pushes them to think about using unjust means to ensure their victory.

Famous athletes who used illegal substances to ensure winning are probably the most illustrative example of what an unhealthy Type Three is ready to do to ensure they don’t fail. So, from taking credit for something they didn’t do to using illegal substances—there’s a wide range of things a Three is ready to undertake to prevent failure.

Not only are they ready to cross the lines of morality and justice, but they also jeopardize their health this way, failing to see that simply by resorting to such means, they lose much more than by not winning the competition.

#5. They Struggle to Develop Close Relationships

Unhealthy Threes pay a high price for their success: the loss of genuine connections with others. Their drive and ambition to be recognized cause them to put professional achievements ahead of genuine emotional bonds.

This also explains why they often feel lonely and isolated despite all their outwardly success. They may comfort themselves with phrases like “it’s lonely on the top.” But the only reason why they are alone is that they have neglected the people who love them, as they thought that the applause of the audience was more important than the hug of a friend.

#6. They Objectify Themselves

As the ultimate consequence of their exclusive focus on results and accomplishments, a Three views themselves as a sort of achievement—an object whose worth is determined by the extent to which it is used.

Reducing their identity and self-worthto their monetary value, status, or some other achievement results in severe dehumanization, as they apply the same criteria to the people they love and care for. Because it is impossible to appreciate the worth of a genuine bond with such a worldview, this tendency inevitably has a devastating effect on their relationships.

Slowly and without realizing it, they lose a complete sense of who they are and turn their entire life into a performance—a series of accomplishments they can use to boost their public image.

Inevitably, this commercialization of the self makes them profoundly insecure, and they end up feeling like puppets, unaware of who’s their string master.

#7. They Are Workaholics

Unhealthy Threes are chronically exhausted because they push themselves too hard due to their relentless pursuit of recognition and success. They personify the stereotype of corporate rats working tirelessly to outperform others.

Unhealthy Enneagram Threes are constantly on the go, never stopping to rest, recharge, or even take stock of their achievements. As a result, they never feel truly successful or fulfilled.

Eventually, as they spend all their energy reserves and their bodies can’t handle the constant pressure the Threes put on themselves, they disintegrate and become apathetic. At this level, they take on the negative traits of Enneagram Nine and become indolent, unmoved, and bored with everything.

How Enneagram 3 Becomes Unhealthy

Enneagram Type Three usually grows up in a family where accomplishment is highly valued, with parents who focus their attention on developing a child’s skills and abilities rather than taking care of their emotional health. Therefore, Type Three has usually been praised for success and results they achieved, while no adult really cared about what they wanted and needed.

So, Three knew that as long as they were successful and representative, they could earn the love of their family. That is why, for a Type Three,success is not just something to strive for; it is a matter of survival. Not surprisingly, the biggest catalyst for unhealthy Type 3 Enneagram manifestation is failure.

If there is a huge gap between Three’s ambitions and reality, social demands, and capacity, the Achiever will become stressed and resort to unhealthy patterns. This scenario is a classic example of Enneagram 3 in stress, where the pressure to succeed overwhelms their coping mechanisms.

Additionally, unhealthy Threes, plagued by a worry that they will not measure up, push themselves harder to gain approval from others. Under those conditions, they are especially vulnerable to the effects of any form of criticism, whether real or imagined.

Comparison is another major factor that contributes to the unhealthy patterns of Type 3 Enneagram personalities. Envy and jealousy overwhelm the ambitious Achiever when they see other people achieving what they want. Without constant praise, Type Three can begin to feel insecure and start searching for approval in all the wrong places.

Need a break? Take a dive into our Enneagram 3 memes page and enjoy a humorous take on Enneagram 3 behavior!

Enneagram 3 Road to Wholeness: Transforming Unhealthy Patterns

Transforming unhealthy patterns to healthy behavior requires Enneagram 3 to understand themselves first. The only way they can break the destructive cycles that lead to their worst selves is if they can identify and address the root cause of their obsession with success. So, here are a few useful guidelines that can help Threes return to health.

• Practice introspection. Threes are extroverted and completely focused on external validation, so it doesn’t come naturally to them to stop and think about how they feel and what they really need. Therefore, it is essential for them to intentionally leave some room for quiet thinking and self-examination every day, especially before making important decisions.
• Do more of what you love and enjoy. It is typical of Achievers to neglect their genuine desires and focus on building their public image. By doing what they love, they will get to experience how it feels to be in tune with their genuine needs.
• Foster genuine connections. Since they tend to neglect their relationships and rather focus on making connections that could be beneficial for their careers, Threes easily end up feeling lonely and isolated. Therefore, they must focus on investing time and effort to foster relationships with people with whom they feel truly connected.

How to Deal With an Unhealthy Enneagram 3

Since unhealthy Enneagram Threes can be very charming, seductive, and persuasive when they want something, dealing with them requires maturity and keen emotional insight. It is also very important not to show compassion to them too early. Threes don’t want to be perceived as someone who needs compassion, so show them respect and appreciation.

If you really want to help an Enneagram Type Three, make sure to avoid telling them what they should and shouldn’t do. Threes consider themselves to be leaders, and leaders don’t take advice unless they explicitly ask for it.

Therefore, the most effective way to approach an unhealthy Enneagram 3 is to be honest and to praise them for who they are, not for what they accomplish. They will probably be very suspicious of such compliments at first, as they are used to being praised for their results. Nevertheless, just stay consistent and allow it to sink in.

The most important thing for an unhealthy Three is to focus on their authentic needs instead of external validation. Therefore, they need friends who will support them in setting boundaries, offer a safe space for their vulnerability, and show them that they are valued and loved regardless of what they achieve.

Key Takeaways

After knowing all this, it is safe to conclude that an Enneagram Type Three must come to their own definition of success rather than conforming to societal expectations and standards of success.

Now, before you leave, let’s remind you of what an unhealthy Enneagram 3 looks like by going through the most important facts about the unhealthy traits of Enneagram 3 personality:

• Unhealthy Enneagram Three is obsessed with success, public image, and recognition.
• Failure, comparison, and criticism are the main catalysts for unhealthy Enneagram Type Three.
• The best way to deal with unhealthy Three is to show them respect and love for who they are, not for what they accomplish.

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