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Exploring Unhealthy Enneagram 2 Traits & Behaviors

30 October 2023

There is no Enneatype that does not have a dark side, and the seemingly angelic Enneagram Type Two is no exception. What’s particularly interesting is that only an unhealthy Enneagram 2 shows the intensity and strength Twos have in general; otherwise, we usually get to see their kind and mellow side.

This guide explores the darkest corners of Type 2's psyche, showing the root causes of some of their most challenging behaviors. Stay tuned if you’re interested in learning what sets Twos off and how they can overcome and develop through challenges. Comparing the Enneagram vs. Big Five test can also provide additional perspectives on how personality assessments approach understanding these deep-seated behaviors and motivations.

How Does a Healthy Enneagram 2 Look Like?

A healthy Enneagram Type Two looks like an angel on earth—always smiley, warm, and more than willing to help anyone who crosses their path. Genuinely compassionate, Twos share their kindness without any strings attached.

Their need to support and help others becomes a source of strength rather than a weakness because they are aware of their worth and personal boundaries.

Responsible, highly intuitive, and attuned to the world around them, these individuals feel the spirit of their community and always know what to say or do and how to maintain harmony. Unsurprisingly, they are excellent listeners who understand people from all walks of life and to whom everyone turns in their darkest hour.

In an archetypical sense, Twos represent the maternal figure, which is nurturing, generous, and supportive. When they are at their best, they are a model of unconditional love balanced with self-respect and keen self-awareness.

8 Characteristics of Unhealthy Enneagram 2

An unhealthy Enneagram 2 can behave in a more or less subtle way, but there are some typical characteristics that give out a Two in the dark place. So, let’s have a look at the list of the most prominent traits of an unhealthy Enneagram 2.

#1. They Point Fingers

As opposed to taking responsibility for what’s going on in their lives, Enneagram 2—when unhealthy—shifts the blame onto others, pointing fingers at the very people who actually genuinely care for them.

Not only does this kind of behavior breed negativity, but it also stunts the Two’s personal development, keeping them stuck in an endless loop of denial and misdirected anger.

As a consequence of this, they pull away from other people and isolate themselves, which only makes their situation more difficult.

#2. They Can be Manipulative

No other Enneagram type can match the Two’s ability to anticipate other people’s feelings and reactions. While this trait is what makes them indispensable as friends and partners, it also gives them the power to manipulate other people, as theyknow exactly what to say and how to behave to make other people do what they want them to do.

Usually, Twos don’t manipulate other people because they really need something from them, but because it gives them a sense of control.

#3. They Act Like Martyrs

Playing a martyr can be considered just another Two’s manipulation tactic to get other people to sympathize with them or make them feel guilty. Hiding under the mask of a martyr, Twos feel like they have the right to finally ask for what they need, completely ignoring the fact that they could have asked for what they needed directly and openly.

However, eventually, they get exhausted from playing this role, and the people around them get exhausted from putting up with them. This only leads them to feel exactly what they were aiming to avoid: abandonment.

#4. They Act Needy

Being alone, abandoned, and unwanted is Two’s worst fear. To prevent perceived abandonment, Twos behave like they are a lot less capable and competent than they actually are, just to make other people take care of them.

They start behaving like a needy toddler, obsessing over small things in a relationship, and seeing a potential threat of abandonment in the smallest gestures. This kind of treatment usually exhausts their friends and partners, who eventually give up as it seems like nothing is ever enough for Two to feel loved.

#5. They Use Passive-Aggressive Tactics

Twos resort to passive-aggressive patterns, using emotional coercion to compel other people to behave in a certain way. They do so because they do not consider direct expression of anger to be a valid option in communication with other people.

Despite their mastery of passive-aggressive strategies, Twos often feel defeated because they had to resort to such extreme manipulation to obtain what, in their view, others should provide automatically.

#6. They Turn Love into Transaction

Twos do so much for other people, never openly asking for anything in return but secretly hoping that other people will eventually reciprocate. However, since Twos often seem like they don’t really need anything from anyone, people around them don’t even assume how tired and lonely they can be.

Giving until they drop causes Two to develop a conditional love in which they give but expect something in return, creating more of a climate of emotional transaction than of genuine connection.

#7. They Suffocate Other People with Generosity

While healthy Twos have seamless intuition and genuinely empathize with other people, unhealthy Twos project their own needs onto people around them, smothering them with care and love these people never asked for.

They offer assistance where none is needed and provide unsolicited advice, making others feel suffocated. As they intervene in other people’s lives without invitation, crossing boundaries and intruding on their personal space, they inevitably end up feeling rejected and abandoned.

#8. They Neglect Their Needs

In contrast to healthy Twos, who are aware of their own needs and take care not to ignore them, unhealthy Twos completely overstep their personal limits in their pursuit to help others. This inevitably leads to stress, burnout, and deep-seated resentment as they keep giving what they themselves severely lack.

As a result, they become bitter and depressed, judging other people as ungrateful, completely ignoring the fact that these people never asked for any help in the first place.

Interested in how Type Twos respond when stressed? Explore more in our Enneagram 2 in stress article.

What Factors Lead Enneagram 2 to Become Unhealthy?

Unhealthy Enneagram 2 Traits - Boundaries

Some specific factors that trigger Two’s deepest fears also play an important role in the onset of their unhealthy patterns. In general, Twos have enormous capacity both for love and for suffering, and it takes a while until they spend all their energy and hit the unhealthy path.

Here are the main factors that could speed up this process.

Excessive self-sacrifice. While trying to please everyone around them, Twos easily neglect their own needs, which leads to emotional exhaustion and disappointment.
Unaddressed abandonment issues. Their unresolved early emotional abandonment trauma intensifies their desire for constant love and validation.
Lack of personal boundaries. Since Twos usually grow up in an environment where their needs are unrecognized, they never learn what it means to have boundaries in the first place.
A deep-seated belief that they are unlovable. Because of this fear, Twos develop an unhealthy preoccupation with gaining the approval of others.

How Can Enneagram 2 Resolve Their Unhealthy Behaviors?

The most important challenge Twos have to overcome to resolve their unhealthy behaviors is the challenge of self-love. They can spend their entire lives running after other people, hoping to earn their love by fulfilling their needs instead of looking into themselves.

So, the first lesson Twos have to learn is that the love they are looking for is within themselves; the only problem is that they believe they don’t deserve it. When they understand that all the help and support they extend to others is nothing more than manipulation unless it comes from a place of self-love, they will feel encouraged to take care of themselves more.

Another big lesson for unhealthy Enneagram 2 is the lesson about personal boundaries. In most cases, Unhealthy Enneagram 2s have no real understanding of the concept of boundaries because they usually learn very early in life that their feelings don’t matter.

They have to learn that by saying “no” to other people, responsibilities, and jobs that they don’t like, they are not risking being rejected but saving themselves from being exhausted.

Finally, embracing self-compassion is vital. When they realize that their people-pleasing behavior was actually just a strategy to prevent abandonment, Twos might fall into the trap of self-judgment. Instead, they should focus on empathizing with that dark part of their soul and understanding the needs that propelled them to behave in such a way.

If you enjoyed learning about the behaviors of Enneagram Type 2, be sure to check out our Enneagram 2 memes page for some humorous insights into their quirks and habits.

How to Deal With an Unhealthy Enneagram 2

It takes patience and profound empathy to deal with an unhealthy Enneagram 2. To understand what motivates them, think about a child who has never been comforted when sad, asked how they feel, or valued for who they are but only for what they do for other people. As a result, Twos lack both self-respect and self-awareness.

So, your first task in dealing with unhealthy Enneagram 2 is to ensure they feel respected. Show genuine interest in how they feel and what they need, and try to respond to their needs without violating yours or their boundaries. Stay calm, validate their feelings, and listen to them actively without encouraging them to play the martyr.

When they feel safe with you, they will abandon their emotional manipulation tactics and allow you to see how they actually feel. You should encourage them to practice self-compassion and express their needs in an assertive manner.

Key Takeaways

The story of unhealthy Enneagram 2 is a story about finding the greatest source of love within ourselves. When we shed light on the darkest corners of our souls, the shame resides, leaving a place for authenticity and more love in our lives.

So, now that we’ve seen what an unhealthy Enneagram 2 looks like, let’s wrap up with some key insights about unhealthy traits of Enneagram 2:

Unhealthy Twos resort to emotional manipulation, passive-aggressive behavior, playing the martyr, and similar strategies to coerce other people into reciprocating their gestures.
Factors that trigger unhealthy Twos include excessive self-sacrifice, lack of boundaries, unresolved abandonment, and rejection issues.
Twos’ path to healing requires them to practice self-compassion.
For dealing with an unhealthy Enneagram 2, it is essential you stay calm, supportive, and genuinely caring.

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