Enneagram Parenting Styles: What Are Enneatypes Like as Parents?

Every Enneagram type has a unique attitude about parenting. Some are afraid of it, some cannot wait to be called mom or dad, and some do not understand the excitement around it at all. The nine Enneagram parenting styles reflect the core nature of each Enneatype and speak a lot about their values, fears, and unfulfilled needs.

Whether you’re about to become a parent or you already have the experience of raising kids, exploring Enneagram parenting styles will offer you valuable guidance and perspective.

In this article, we’ll analyze how each Enneagram type feels about parenting, how they connect with their children, and what they expect from them. Let’s dive in!

Enneagram Parenting Styles Explained

There’s no universal recipe for raising kids, and therefore, every Enneagram parenting style can be great as long as the parent is an emotionally mature person willing to learn and develop. Moreover, having kids makes people vulnerable and may trigger the worst in them, just as it can inspire the best.

Let’s see how each Enneagram type handles parenting.

Enneagram Type 1 Parenting Style

The Enneagram parenting style of Type 1 is characterized by their need for perfection. Ones are driven by the need to make the world a better place by promoting principles of good and justice. Therefore, their commitment to always doing the right thing usually inspires them to read a lot about parenting to prepare themselves for the role.

Because of all this, they are very conscious of the child's health, nourishment, and emotional needs, and they do their best to provide them with a perfect start in life. However, they can be a bit rigid in their emotional expression due to the inner pressure to perform perfectly.

Moreover, Ones are that parent in the park who always has handkerchiefs and a spare bottle of water, making sure their kids aren’t touching other kids’ toys or doing anything inappropriate.

However, as children grow older, Ones may begin to project their perfectionistic expectations onto them. This can be exhausting for children, particularly if they have a completely different personality type.

Nevertheless, healthy Ones are great parents who provide their children with spiritual leadership and encourage them to fulfill their potential without pressuring them to be something they are not.

Enneagram Type 2 Parenting Style

The Enneagram parenting style of Type Two is colored by their compassion, intuition, and warmth. Twos look forward to becoming parents, as they are driven by the need to give and receive love.

Responsible, warm, and affectionate, Twos—also known as Helpers—are exceptionally gentle with their kids, who grow up surrounded by love, patience, and support.

However, Twos are known for struggling with personal boundaries, and they often have trouble setting and enforcing boundaries for their kids, too. For this reason, they may easily spoil their children, as they try too hard to please them and fulfill every wish they express.

Moreover, unhealthy Twos may also be the ‘helicopter parents’, too protective of their offspring, preventing them from experiencing the fullness of life and using them as a shield for their loneliness.

Healthy Twos, on the other hand, are amazing parents who establish strong and close bonds with their kids and who intuitively read and fulfill their needs.

Enneagram Type 3 Parenting Style

The Enneagram parenting style of Type 3 is marked by their need to be successful. Threes are dynamic, energetic parents who show a lot of enthusiasm around kids and know how to play with them.

Threes are competitive, ambitious, and driven, the so-called ‘tiger parents’ who push their children to learn new skills and knowledge while encouraging them to excel in everything they do. They give their children both love and discipline and usually train them well for success in the real world.

However, since they are very image-conscious, Threes may take their children’s mistakes too seriously and too personally and feel embarrassed if their kids show no extraordinary results. That’s because unhealthy Threes show narcissistic tendencies and may see their kids as an extension of their own personalities, not as autonomous individuals.

Enneagram Type 4 Parenting Style

The Enneagram parenting style of Type 4 is very creative and unique. Fours are great at fostering their children’s imagination. They give them the freedom to be who they are, encouraging them to explore themselves and be honest and authentic.

Thanks to their sensitivity and emotional insight, Fours are excellent at understanding their kids' feelings. They teach them to accept all feelings and express them in a creative way. Fours enjoy playing and engaging in all kinds of creative activities with their kids.

However, Fours’ moodiness and tendency to withdraw may occasionally make their children feel insecure. The more inconsistent their parenting style is, the more their children will struggle with insecurity.

Moreover, unhealthy Fours treat their children as if they are the same age, forgetting that they are adults and that they should protect and guide the children.

Enneagram Type 5 Parenting Style

Fives are very thoughtful, rational, and perceptive individuals, so the Enneagram parenting style of Type 5 is characterized by their insatiable love for knowledge.

Similar to Ones, Fives also usually read a lot to prepare for the new role in their lives. But they don’t do that because that’s the right thing to do, like Ones, but because they are insatiably curious.

As a result, they become a walking encyclopedia of developmental psychology, parenting styles, and similar topics related to raising children.

They are great at encouraging their children to discover the world and cherish their curiosity. Besides that, Fives also encourage their kids to become independent and confident and think critically.

However, since Fives struggle to stay in touch with their feelings, they may lack the affection and warmth the kids need. For example, unhealthy Fives may become too detached while formally taking perfect care of their children.

It is essential for them to overcome their need to isolate and withdraw from contact so that they can enjoy parenthood to the fullest.

Enneagram Type 6 Parenting Style

The Enneagram parenting style of Sixes is very balanced and thoughtful. The caring, kind, and responsible Sixes are great parents who are capable of providing their children with both love and discipline. They are natural nurturers who enjoy taking care of other people.

For Sixes, nothing matters more than spending time with their loved ones, and they feel most comfortable expressing their generous and caring nature at home. Therefore, they create a safe haven for their kids, where they can grow and develop free from harm.

However, Sixes might be overprotective of their children at times due to their fixation on safety and their obsession with potential dangers. Unhealthy Sixes may be so preoccupied with protecting their children from the harsh realities of life that they fail to allow them to enjoy the typical childhood pleasures.

Enneagram Type 7 Parenting Style

The Enneagram parenting style of Type Seven is a unique blend of spontaneity, optimism, and a love for adventure. Sevens like to be friends with their children. They enjoy playing with them, experimenting, and constantly providing them with new experiences.

Sevens excel at infusing creativity and fun into their children’s lives. They encourage them to enjoy life and be optimistic, instilling a sense of wonder in them. Their children learn to embrace challenges, stay open and adaptable, and embrace life’s unexpected twists and turns. Playful and warm, they are often the children’s favorite parent.

However, since Sevens tend to avoid unpleasant feelings and experiences, they may not have the strength and maturity to be there for their kids when they are going through the most difficult developmental phases. Sevens also struggle with structure and routine, and their children may lack discipline as a result.

Enneagram Type 8 Parenting Style

The Enneagram parenting style of Type Eight is characterized by profound affection and a strong desire for protection and control. Eights’ primary goal is to instill a sense of confidence in their children so that they grow up to become resilient, independent, and strong.

When Eights pair up with Fives, who value autonomy and privacy, Eights can learn to temper their protective instincts with respect for their partner's need for space, enhancing their ability to balance closeness with independence in their parenting style.

Type Eight, also called the Challenger, is fiercely protective of their children and is ready to go above and beyond to ensure their security and well-being. They feel their responsibility as parents is to advocate for their children’s needs and rights and provide them with a safe and warm home.

As natural leaders, Eights are great at providing guidance and direction to their children, empowering them to take initiative, make autonomous decisions, and be proactive. They teach their kids to persevere in the face of adversity by modeling strength and courage and showing them how to bounce back from setbacks.

However, Eights may find it hard to balance authority with empathy. At times, they may be too strict, demanding, intimidating, or controlling of their kids. It is essential they work through their vulnerability issues to avoid kids triggering their unhealthy patterns.

Enneagram Type 9 Parenting Style

The Enneagram parenting style of Type 9 is colored by their generosity, warmth, and flexibility. Nines are great at creating a nurturing and supportive atmosphere for their children. They make their kids feel accepted, loved, and valued, cultivating a sense of belonging and security within the family.

Nines encourage their children to express themselves authentically and to pursue their passions and talents. In addition to being emotionally attuned to their children, they also possess a profound capacity for empathy and understanding.

Moreover, since they embrace spontaneity and playfulness, Nines create a dynamic and open-minded setting for their children to grow and develop.

Plus, they are excellent at resolving conflicts—a quality emphasized in our Enneagram conflict styles post, and they teach their children the importance of communication and empathy, modeling healthy conflict-resolution skills.

However, Nines may struggle with setting and enforcing boundaries for their kids, which may lead to a lack of structure and consistency in their parenting style.

They are also prone to self-sacrificing for the sake of children, which may instill a feeling of guilt in their kids. Nines have to learn that by taking care of themselves, they are also taking care of their kids too.

Curious about your child's Enneagram type? Try our Type Guesser Child test to find out!

Key Takeaways

So, apart from empowering your journey of self-discovery, the Enneagram test can also help you become a better parent.

Bear in mind—the better you know your own strengths and weaknesses, the better parent you are going to be, so don’t hesitate to use Enneagram as a tool for improving your parenting skills! To support you in doing so, let’s round off by highlighting the characteristics of the nine Enneagram parenting styles:

• Ones and Fives tend to do everything by the book and may struggle with spontaneous emotional expression.
• Twos, Sixes, and Nines are very warm and supportive but may struggle with setting and enforcing boundaries for their children.
• Threes and Eights are affectionate and encourage their children to become independent and confident but may be too demanding of their kids.
• Fours and Sevens are great at fostering their kids’ creativity but may struggle with structure and routine.