Enneagram Conflict Styles: How Each Enneagram Type Behaves in Conflict

From the assertive Eights, who can make every conflict into a war, to the emotional Fours, who turn it into a form of dramatic art, each Enneagram type navigates conflict differently. The nine different Enneagram conflict styles reflect the different natures of Enneatypes and their different values, motivations, and aspirations.

Recognizing the nine Enneagram conflict styles can give us another perspective for understanding each type’s core weakness. In this article, we’ll explain how each type gets into a conflict, how they resolve it, and how they can grow through it.

The Conflict Style of Each Enneagram Type

Generally, we recognize three different conflict styles in Enneagram types, so we’ve created an Enneagram conflict triad diagram that groups Enneatypes according to their conflict style:

• The Positive approach group is made up of Types 2, 7, and 9. These types focus on finding a compromise or a solution that would please everyone.
• The Competence approach group is made up of Types 1, 3, and 5. These types focus on solving conflicts with facts and knowledge.
• The Reactive approach group is made up of Types 4, 6, and 8. These types focus on standing up for their values and beliefs.

Now, let’s have a more detailed look at each Enneagram type’s conflict style.

Enneagram Type 1—Ms/Mr. Always Right

Ones are principled, moral types who get upset when they are faced with injustice, rule-breaking behavior, and sloppiness. They are firm and intense in conflict and will not allow themselves to burst into anger easily.

Since they care about facts and want everything to be perfect and in line with moral norms, they will first check whether they understand the matter of the conflict well.

When they are sure they are right, Ones stick to their attitude and persist, offering solid proof for their viewpoint. Persistent and fair, they will fight for their cause tirelessly and will never resort to unjust tricks to win.

No matter how just and generous One's beliefs are, they must accept that others have their own viewpoints. They need to foster flexibility and acknowledge the role of compassion in conflicts. Otherwise, they risk wasting their energy over petty quarrels about whose way of doing things is better.

If you are in conflict with One, show respect and have proof, facts, and knowledge to back up your attitude and capture One’s attention.

Enneagram Type 2—Mercy Over Justice

Unlike Ones, who aim to be cold, rational, and objective in conflicts, Twos remain calm and give their best to understand everyone participating in it. They are ready to walk in the other side’s shoes to ensure they fully comprehend the essence of the conflict at hand.

Two’s highest priority is not to be right but to avoid hurting or damaging anyone, even at the cost of justice or their own well-being. In general, a healthy Two will always subtly work toward conflict resolution.

However, when they feel their effort is not appreciated or feel rejected and excluded, they might provoke conflicts by acting in a very passive-aggressive manner.

They can also be very manipulative and play on the martyr card to get sympathy from others, even when they know they are not right. While they avoid facing conflicts directly, they may go to great lengths to manipulate others to fight for them.

Twos need to understand that it is okay to stand up for themselves and ask for their needs to be met directly instead of plotting and avoiding conflicts.

Finally, the best way to address a conflict with Type Two is to validate their emotions, show them the respect they deserve, and only when you are sure they feel seen and heard, move on to facts.

Enneagram Type 3—Ms/Mr. Fix It

Threes don’t take conflict personally but rather move toward looking for an efficient solution as soon as possible. Thanks to their intuition and people skills, they quickly grasp what other people need to hear to make them more open to new conflict solutions.

For Threes, conflict is just another problem that needs to be fixed, and they are focused on crossing it off their agenda.

However, they may get impatient or perceived as insensitive by other parties because their approach is so expeditious. Plus, if they get into conflict over their public image, they will take it personally and may become obsessed with winning and leaving an impression just to protect their reputation.

Threes grow through conflict when they pause to attune to their and other people’s needs. They must also acknowledge that how other people feel is a big part of successful conflict resolution.

If you get into a conflict with Type Three, remember that your opponent is very smart, efficient, and driven. Focus on facts, logic, and practical aspects of the situation to get their attention.

Enneagram Type 4—Of Course It’s Personal

The delicate Enneagram Type Four personality is one of the most sensitive Enneagram types. They are known for their depth of insight and neverending soul-searching endeavors. Deeply immersed in their inner worlds, Fours take everything personally. They can turn even the most benign remark into a reason for conflict, especially when they are stressed or unhealthy.

Fours passionately defend their viewpoints, offering many fascinating insights along the way but often failing to see how subjective their perspective is. They are quick to start a conflict when they interpret something as disrespectful, feel misunderstood, or when other people are not honest with them.

For Type Four to grow, they must become aware of their tendency to prioritize feelings and move from a defensive attitude by practicing objectivity. Taming their impulsivity is also crucial, as thinking before they attack people who challenge their opinions could make their relationships more harmonious.

If you get in a conflict with Type Four, never point out how sensitive they are. Instead, share your feelings and validate theirs. Their mood must be stable to move to the conflict resolution phase.

Enneagram Type 5—Wise Strategist

Unlike Enneagram 4, Type 5 takes nothing personally. They can remain objective, calm, and above the situation in even the most complex circumstances. Thanks to such emotional distance, they are capable of careful, systematic negotiations and are generally great at finding unorthodox solutions to problems.

However, their deliberate pace and emotionless demeanor may irritate some people. Plus, since they tend to withhold information relevant to the conflict at hand, they may provoke paranoid reactions in people who tend to be suspicious. Five’s poker face doesn’t give off any clue as to what they feel or want in conflict, so others just have to wait for their decision.

In general, Fives will do everything in their power to avoid direct confrontation. If you have anything to discuss with them, you must inform them in advance, set up a meeting, and act calmly and rationally.

Regarding personal growth, Fives need to learn to feel their emotions when in conflict and practice staying in touch with their feelings. They worry that their feelings will prevent them from making rational decisions, but the truth is that feelings can actually help them make more creative ones.

Enneagram Type 6—Always Ready for the Worst

For Sixes, conflicts are deeply unsettling, and precisely because of that, they always have at least a dozen worst-case scenarios prepared in advance. Though they are great problem solvers, they may react impulsively and even show paranoid tendencies if the conflict triggers them personally.

Sixes will notice and connect all the dots regarding their opponent's intentions and readily use them to defend their sense of security. However, because they have trust issues, they may incorrectly assume the worst of others.

Conflicts in interpersonal relationships are especially stressful for them because they are their biggest source of security in life. Despite this, they will ask all the tough questions not because they are brave but because they always expect the worst.

Sixes need to outgrow their pessimism and suspiciousness, as these only make them subjective in conflicts. They need to understand that conflict is the end of the world only if we make it so.

For efficient conflict management with Type Six, you need to be open, reliable, honest, and respectful. If you get into an argument with them, be sure to be yourself because they will see right through any pretense.

Enneagram Type 7—Creative Problem Solver

The playful, optimistic Sevens will always rather avoid conflict than face it, but if they can’t do that, they’ll look for the fastest and most beneficial way to resolve it. They are great at raising different perspectives for finding solutions, staying objective, and offering innovative and creative options other people fail to see.

Since they are afraid of dealing with deep feelings, they will do their best to keep the tone light and easy. Aggression and a negative atmosphere are highly stressful for them and may push them to run away before they have solved the issue.

Some of the reasons that may lead to conflicts in Sevens’ lives are their flighty nature, impulsiveness, lack of attention to detail, and opportunistic attitude toward authority. To improve their conflict management skills, Sevens need to be ready to deal with unpleasant feelings.

In general, conflicts with Sevens are fun and inspiring experiences. They are not aggressive, stubborn, or irrational, and they always offer fresh takes on an issue. Having a debate with a Seven is likely to be enjoyable if you keep an open mind, foster their imagination, and refrain from criticism and aggression.

Enneagram Type 8—The Invincible

For Eights, conflicts feel entirely natural. They never avoid them and react promptly and passionately to provocations. Since they express their anger directly and openly, their fearless and combative attitude easily intimidates other people who are not so comfortable with confrontations.

In relationships between Fives and Eights, this directness can either be overwhelming or foster a more open environment. Fives, who are typically more reserved and analytical, might initially struggle but eventually find balance in responding to Eight's intensity.

Eights enter conflicts with the idea of convincing other people that their viewpoint is superior. For this reason, they see compromise as a failure to achieve their goals and tend to feel humiliated if forced to withdraw.

Highly sensitive to injustice and dishonesty, Eights are the people you want on your side when you are unfairly accused. When they believe they are fighting for the right cause, they will not hesitate to attack their opponents personally and use everything they have against them.

The biggest challenge for Eights in conflicts is understanding that their truth isn’t the only truth. They grow and become truly invincible once they learn to control their anger, stay objective, and respect their own and other people’s emotions.

Though conflicting with an Eight may seem frightening, they are very competent, smart, and fair opponents as long as you are direct, honest, and patient with them.

Enneagram Type 9

Enneagram Type Nine, the Peacemaker, holds the reputation of being the master of conflict resolution. However, this is only true for healthy, high-functioning Nines. Average and unhealthy Nines are conflict-avoidant and can endure much mistreatment if they believe that’s the price of harmony.

They easily understand and empathize with all participants in the conflict, so they sometimes seem ambivalent and indecisive. Like Twos, they want to ensure nobody gets hurt or damaged in a conflict, so they tend to procrastinate in making decisions and sharing their attitude.

When they are the ones causing the conflict, they usually feel like they don’t have the right to express their anger about some issue directly, so they use passive-aggressive strategies.

However, Nines, who grow to understand that conflicts can bring people closer, find a way to resolve any conflict with grace and dignity. Another major lesson for them is that they have the right to stand up for what they believe in and need.

If you want to resolve a conflict with Nine, keep it low-key; don’t put them under pressure to take sides and make final choices. Listen actively and encourage them to express their needs related to the issue at hand.

As uncomfortable as conflicts may be, they do have their humorous side, which we compiled in an Enneagram 9 memes collection.

Key Takeaways

So, each Enneagram type displays different conflict styles in relationships and in general, and these different styles fundamentally define the overall quality of their life.

Twos, Sevens, and Nines focus on finding a solution that would please everyone and, indeed, are often great at navigating conflicts. However, their weakness is that they need help standing up for themselves in conflicts.

Ones, Threes, and Fives believe that every conflict is a consequence of some lack of information or competence, and they treat it as a problem that needs to be solved. Their challenge is to come into contact with their anger and to express it assertively.

Fours, Sixes, and Eights easily take conflicts personally and defend their viewpoints intensely. They grow when they practice remaining objective when confronting others.