Weaponized Incompetence in the Context of Enneagram Types

Weaponized incompetence, also referred to as strategic incompetence, is a form of manipulation where a person demonstrates an inability to perform specific tasks and uses their incompetence as an excuse to make others do their work.

It can occur in all kinds of relationships and environments, and its final outcome is always an unequal division of labor and psychological burden.

In this article, we’ll explore weaponized incompetence psychology in the context of the Enneagram test and theory to understand how to recognize it and protect ourselves from it.

What Is Weaponized Incompetence?

Weaponized incompetence involves real or fake incompetence due to reluctance to engage in specific tasks or take responsibility for the task. People use weaponized incompetence for many different reasons, and not always with a conscious intention. Most often, it comes as a consequence of:

• Insecurity about performing certain tasks. Some people may doubt their ability to do something well and delegate their tasks to avoid failing at something.
• Fear of taking responsibility. Sometimes, a person may not feel ready to take the responsibility that follows specific tasks, even though they may not have particular issues about performing the task itself.
• Disagreement about how certain tasks should be performed. People who tend to avoid conflicts often use weaponized incompetence to refuse to do things any other way except their own.
• Deep reluctance to accept taking on specific types of tasks. People frequently use weaponized incompetence as a means to avoid tasks that they genuinely believe should never be completed.
• Unconscious acting out of toxic family and childhood patterns. Very often, weaponized incompetence is a toxic pattern learned throughout childhood. For example, a man who never had to do house chores may grow up into a husband who uses weaponized incompetence to avoid participating in doing the chores with his wife.
• Learned helplessness. Specific parenting styles can contribute to the development of weaponized incompetence in children. For example, people who have overprotective parents get used to others doing things for them and feel like it is natural to be relieved of the most daunting tasks. They may also feel entitled to avoid the tasks they don’t like.

Weaponized Incompetence in Relationships

Weaponized incompetence in relationships is very harmful and inevitably leads to serious issues if left unaddressed. In addition, it can be very hard to recognize it, especially in romantic relationships, because of the intense emotions typically present at the beginning of them. However, it is not any less uncommon in friendship or at work.

That said, let’s take a look at the most common weaponized incompetence patterns in romantic relationships:

#1. Pretending to Be Bad at Chores

“I can do it, but you’re way better than me.”

One partner may always fail to do even the simplest daily chores well, from making the bed to washing the dishes. They may complicate the task, asking instructions for obviously simple steps, pretending that they are willing to perform them, but somehow, the other partner always has to jump in and save the day.

In the beginning, this may even seem charming, and one partner may think something like: “Oh, he’s so cute getting lost in that pile of laundry,” but eventually, the burden of household chores falls on them, which leads to resentment, frustration, and imbalance.

#2. Avoiding Emotional Labor

“They love you more than they love me.”

When one partner behaves like the other one should be the public relations or event manager of the family, pretending they are bad at small talk or incapable of planning any family activity, the other one feels obliged to make things work.

For example, one partner may say things like: “My parents always enjoyed talking with you more than with me, why don’t you call them?” thus pushing the other partner to maintain connections while avoiding any involvement. In some cases, a partner may avoid dealing with children under the excuse that the kids love the other partner more.

Over time, the other partner inevitably begins to feel lonely in the relationship and, depending on their personality type, may become angry, depressed, or use avoidance tactics.

#3. Refusing to Share Financial Obligations

“I don’t know how this is done.”

Similar to previous examples, one partner may avoid dealing with finances entirely and expect the other to handle bills, budgeting, and everything else related to money. The partner in charge of finances may feel stressed and resentful, especially if the other person fails to contribute equally to their joint budget.

Weaponized Incompetence in the Workplace

Weaponized incompetence in the workplace can create a toxic working environment, lower team morale, and increase stress for colleagues who are left to pick up the slack.

Here are some typical weaponized incompetence patterns in the workplace:

#1. Avoiding Collaboration

A person who uses weaponized incompetence at work may avoid collaboration, pretending they don’t have the skills needed for specific tasks, asking the team members for help, or even delegating the task to them.

Other team members are forced to compensate for their lack of effort. They may notice that the distribution of work becomes imbalanced, which may lead to various disruptions in the team.

#2. Averting Responsibility

Team leaders, managers, or decision-makers may, for example, avoid making decisions that would result in conflict, leaving their team to fend for themselves. They may present the need for a decision as a challenge to team members when, in reality, they only want someone else to deal with the problem at hand.

Typically, the team members experience confusion, frustration, and a sense of betrayal.

#3. Deliberate Procrastination

This type of weaponized incompetence pattern is used by all workers regardless of their seniority level. Whether it is because someone else does it better or because something more important came up, both junior and seasoned leaders may put off completing tasks and let others finish them. As a result, those who always step in to save the day may experience burnout.

How to Deal With Weaponized Incompetence

It can be difficult to deal with weaponized incompetence, particularly in the workplace, where you have to be careful not to irritate your teammates or your superiors. Here are the key strategies that will help you handle this kind of manipulation successfully:

#1. Identify the Signs

If you don’t recognize weaponized incompetence, you can’t address it. Therefore, be mindful of what other people expect of you and whether you frequently find yourself performing tasks that were not originally yours.

When you notice that someone who is just as competent and capable as you are constantly fails to complete certain tasks or avoids even starting them, don’t react immediately. Take the time to evaluate the situation and decide whether it is really necessary for you to do their job.

#2. Call Them Out

Sometimes, it can be enough to let the other person know that you’re aware of their manipulation so that they stop doing it to you and move on to someone else or change their behavior in some other way. For example, a colleague who’s manipulating you at work may simply find some other employee to delegate their tasks to.

However, in romantic relationships, just calling the other person out for using weaponized incompetence is rarely enough for them to change the behavior. You must be both tactful and determined, insisting on finding a different solution to specific tasks rather than always stepping in to complete them.

#3. Set Clear Boundaries

Having clear and strong boundaries can help you not only stop being the victim of weaponized incompetence but also avoid dealing with such behavior altogether. People who resort to weaponized incompetence usually intuitively recognize who is susceptible to their emotional manipulation tactics and who isn’t.

So, if they see you are self-aware, confident, and assertive, they will likely seek another target with whom they can play their game. Therefore, if you’re not sure what having healthy personal boundaries even means, that’s the first sign you need to strengthen them.

#4. Recognize How You Enable Them

Very often, particularly in romantic relationships, there’s an unhealthy personality dynamic created between the partner with a savior complex and the other partner who enjoys playing the victim. At first, they seem like the perfect match, but eventually, the savior becomes tired, the victim becomes spoiled, and the relationship turns into a silent battlefield.

What happens in this dynamic, which can also take place in a work environment, is that a person who is often an empath unconsciously enables the other person’s incompetence by always being available and willing to extend help.

So, the point is to make sure your need to help others isn’t actually a form of enabling behavior that allows them to manipulate you.

#5. Encourage Accountability

“Forgive and forget” is the last thing you should do when faced with someone’s weaponized incompetence. Instead, get angry, show dissatisfaction, set clear expectations, and refuse to step in and “fix” things when the other person underperforms or avoids tasks.

You have every right to hold the other person accountable for a task that you agreed they would do, so don’t be afraid to confront their behavior, even if that leads to conflict. Sometimes, conflict is necessary to achieve change.

Enneagram and Weaponized Incompetence

Enneagram test and theory can help us recognize and handle weaponized incompetence by shedding light on how it manifests in different Enneagram types. Each type may, at some point, use weaponized incompetence, but some are more prone to using it than others.

Types Six, Seven, and Nine are most likely to use weaponized incompetence. Sixes do it because they are afraid of taking risks, making decisions, or taking charge, as they fear making mistakes or failing. Sevens simply want to avoid tasks that they find boring, while Nines usually want to stay in their comfort zone and avoid conflict.

Types One, Two, and Four are more likely to enable and tolerate weaponized incompetence than to use it. Twos do it because they believe their worth is defined by how much they do for others, so they often pick up the slack.

Ones are likely to enable it by not allowing others to make mistakes and taking over the instant someone shows any kind of insecurity or makes the slightest mistake while doing the task.

Fours don’t enable weaponized incompetence directly but by passively tolerating it. They usually recognize they’re being manipulated but don’t want to start a conflict.

Types Three, Five, and Eight are the least likely to tolerate or use weaponized incompetence. Threes want to be the best in everything, and failing in something is the last thing they would allow themselves. They will also confront anyone trying to manipulate them without hesitation.

Fives take pride in being the most competent person in the room and see through others' manipulation easily. But, they are unlikely to call out the person for weaponized incompetence, though they would distance themselves from such a person.

Eights can’t stand being manipulated by anyone, so they would confront weaponized incompetence head-on. Plus, since they take pride in being independent, they are unlikely to resort to weaponized incompetence themselves.

Are You Using Weaponized Incompetence?

Curious about how your personality traits and behavior patterns influence your behavior in relationships or responsibilities? Take the Enneagram test and learn to overcome dysfunctional patterns and unlock your full potential!

Final Thoughts

Dealing with weaponized incompetence requires a combination of awareness, assertiveness, and boundary-setting, all of which the Enneagram test and theory can support us in. Moreover, understanding Enneagram types, their core motivations, and typical behaviors can help us recognize and deal with weaponized incompetence effectively.

So, regardless of whether you’re the one using it, tolerating or enabling it, weaponized incompetence needs to be addressed and overcome. Otherwise, it leads to toxic relationships and affects every aspect of your life.

Weaponized Incompetence FAQ