Enneagram Childhood Wounds Revealed & Explained

Enneagram childhood wounds shed light on the most painful experiences of each Enneatype, allowing us to understand them with more compassion.

Sometimes, the most painful experiences aren’t individual, dramatic events but small things we deal with on a daily level that slowly yet profoundly shape our identities. All these experiences that were painful for us while we were growing up are considered childhood wounds.

Childhood Wounds of Each Enneagram Type

Childhood wounds of each Enneagram type are one of the roots of each type’s dysfunctional patterns. They describe their maladaptive schemes and the ways in which they reacted to emotional circumstances that were limiting for them in some way.

Moreover, while all types have certain painful experiences, these do not necessarily define them but serve as a window to their oldest defense mechanisms.

Enneagram One Childhood Wounds

Enneagram One childhood wounds are the reason why Ones are so hard on themselves and prone to perfectionism.

They usually grow up in homes where they are required to take on too much responsibility too early. So, in a way, a One child was probably expected to act as an adult; they might have been the eldest child in the family and were expected to take care of their younger siblings.

In other cases, they were simply pushed to adopt some habits too early, like undergoing potty training or having to dress and feed themselves before they were developmentally ready. In other words, they had to suppress their normal, instinctual needs and master skills that they weren’t ready for to conform to external authority.

As a result, they introjected the voice of their caregivers, which informed them when they were doing something in the right or wrong way. This voice became their inner critic, pushing them to be flawless in everything they do and feel deeply insufficient whenever they make a mistake.

Therefore, it is important for Ones to recognize that this harsh self-criticism is a trauma response and has nothing to do with reality. That’s when they can begin to heal.

“Perfectionism doesn’t make you feel perfect. It makes you feel inadequate.” — Maria Shriver

Enneagram Two Childhood Wounds

Enneagram Two childhood wounds resulted in Twos believing that their needs aren’t as important as the needs of other people. They likely grew up with caregivers who were either not ready for parenting or overwhelmed with their own issues and, therefore, unable to respond appropriately to the child’s needs for affection.

In such circumstances, Twos felt like they had to choose between their own needs and the needs of other people. Since a child can’t survive without caregivers, Twos made the only choice they could make; they suppressed their own needs to take care of their caregivers and thus ensure they aren’t abandoned.

So, there’s always a story of role reversal and parentification in a Two’s family life, as they had to parent their own parents to get some affection from them.

This is also why Twos are so great at reading other people’s emotions and comforting them since practicing and perfecting this skill was the price of their survival. Moreover, Twos believe that they can only be loved and recognized if they please other people. Therefore, learning to put their needs first and assert their will is the path to healing for Type Two.

"Givers need to set limits because takers rarely do.” — Irma Kurtz

Enneagram Three Childhood Wounds

Enneagram Three childhood wounds resulted in Threes believing that the only way to deserve love, respect, and affection is to perform perfectly and achieve great things.

They often grew up with parents who projected their ambitions onto them, uninterested in how they felt and expecting them to be the best at everything. The more ambitious their parents were, the more competitive Threes became.

In some cases, Threes grew up with loving but busy parents who only praised them when they achieved something exceptional and maybe seemed disappointed when they didn’t.

Another childhood scenario might include a large family with lots of siblings. In such circumstances, Threes may have learned that the only way to draw attention was to perform, entertain, or be extremely successful in something.

Additionally, it is possible they grew up with highly successful, competitive parents and had to adapt their mindset to conform to their expectations.

Either way, there wasn’t much room for Threes to explore their needs and desires, as they felt pressured to focus on their achievements. The Enneagram childhood messages for Threes were that how they feel or what they want doesn’t really matter and that they are only worthy of love as long as they win and succeed in everything.

So, bearing this in mind, the key to overcoming childhood trauma for Threes lies in learning that who they are and what they achieve aren’t the same things.

“When we give ourselves permission to fail, we, at the same time, give ourselves permission to excel.” — Eloise Ristad

Enneagram Four Childhood Wounds

Enneagram Four childhood wounds caused Fours to believe that something was inherently wrong with them. The most typical scenario behind Four’s childhood trauma involves some kind of loss trauma. They might have been the oldest child who felt like they lost their parents’ attention due to the presence of their younger siblings.

In other cases, they really lost someone who was important to them—a parent, sibling, or other caregiver whom they loved.

Since they were too young to process that loss rationally, like any other kid, Four thought that they had done something wrong that led to losing the person they loved. That’s how they started believing that something was wrong with them and decided they had to be special or ‘one of a kind’ to earn the love they lost back.

Therefore, it is important for Fours to demystify their loss. To do this, they need to understand that their inherent feeling of being flawed is just their internalized guilt, not a realistic perception of themselves.

“The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique.” — Walt Disney

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Enneagram Five Childhood Wounds

Enneagram Five childhood wounds, in most cases, come from some form of emotional neglect. Five’s caregivers were either emotionally illiterate, cold, and distant, or they were too traumatized and overwhelmed themselves to take care of the child’s emotional needs. As a result, Fives had to learn to minimize their needs and be self-sufficient.

They retreated into their inner world, finding comfort in their thoughts, while logic and reason gave them a sense of stability that they lacked in real life. Withdrawing physically, emotionally, or both was the way they coped with the neglect they experienced.

Moreover, the lack of emotional responsiveness instilled a feeling of scarcity and insufficient resources in Fives. The love and affection they experienced were very limited and poor, so they grew up feeling that they had to be very cautious and economical with their resources.

Therefore, the stronger the Fives’ insistence on their autonomy and independence, the deeper their childhood trauma was. The path to healing for them lies in learning to reconnect with their feelings and balance their intellectual and emotional sides.

“I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself.” — Charlotte Brontë

Enneagram Six Childhood Wounds

Enneagram Six childhood wounds stem from a lack of stability in their early lives. The typical childhood scenario for Sixes is growing up with caregivers who weren’t consistent and reliable in providing care and affection. They also failed to provide a sense of protection and safety to Sixes, who therefore concluded that the world is a dangerous place.

They may have grown up with an alcoholic, violent, or mentally unstable parent who used to behave in an unpredictable manner. Sometimes, the parents were perfectly healthy, yet they were never consistent in how they treated their child.

Either way, Sixes had to deal with plenty of unpredictability from an early age, which significantly impacted their will to explore and take risks in life.

As a result, Sixes sharpened their skills to anticipate, plan, and predict outcomes, as they always felt they had to be ready for the worst at all times. Moreover, they became hypersensitive to cues that signaled any kind of change or danger in their environment, which is the essence of their paranoid tendencies.

The best way for Sixes to heal is to experience a healthy, secure, predictable attachment with a strong, reliable person—a therapist, teacher, mentor, or friend.

Sometimes, Sixes grow by becoming the people they needed as children and by providing the kind of care they needed to other people. This way, they prove to themselves that security in a relationship is possible.

"What worries you, masters you." — John Locke

Enneagram Seven Childhood Wounds

Enneagram Seven's childhood wounds are hard to perceive because Sevens come across as so carefree, cheerful, and positive that it seems as if their childhoods were idyllic. However, childhood trauma isn’t always the result of severe frustration; often, the very lack of adequate frustration leads to just as serious emotional wounds.

Sevens were usually overprotected, somewhat spoiled children who experienced plenty of love, warmth, and affection yet weren’t allowed to feel sadness, anger, or frustration of any kind. They grew up with caregivers who offered them distraction instead of support as a way to deal with sadness, pain, and loss.

As a result, Sevens feel overwhelmed whenever they experience any unpleasant emotion since they haven’t developed an adequate coping mechanism for processing hard feelings. They react by resorting to unrealistic optimism and positivity or complete escapism, as they feel that they aren’t strong enough to face their emotions.

Still, their low frustration tolerance isn’t due to a weak character. It’s just a pattern they adopted due to the lack of emotionally mature adults to support them in critical moments.

So, overcoming childhood wounds for Sevens requires adopting new coping mechanisms, developing emotional literacy, and expanding their capacity to experience frustration.

“When I tell someone who is hurting to think positive, feel better, be grateful, etc., it's not them who can't handle feeling sad, it's me.” — Allyson Dinneen

Enneagram Eight Childhood Wounds

Enneagram Eight childhood wounds came as the result of the conflicts Eights were surrounded by while growing up. For them, home often felt like a battlefield, and some form of power struggle was always in the air. They either witnessed many fights between their parents or had to defend themselves from their older siblings.

Many times, Eights felt they had to protect themselves from over-controlling, intrusive, and very dominant caregivers who pushed them to obey the rules without respecting their individuality. As a result, they had to grow up very fast and concluded that showing any vulnerability gives other people an advantage over them.

While Threes divide people into winners and losers, Eights divide them into the weak and the strong, and they are very determined never to fall into the weak category.

For this reason, Eights developed a very bold, tough persona, perceiving any vulnerability as a sign of weakness. In their world, love and care were not given to the most vulnerable but to the strongest ones.

Therefore, the biggest lesson for them is that not only can they be loved if they show vulnerability, but they can enjoy life more deeply when they express it.

“The courage to be vulnerable is not about winning or losing, it's about the courage to show up when you can't predict or control the outcome.” — Brene Brown

Enneagram Nine Childhood Wounds

Enneagram Nine childhood wounds are the result of profound emotional neglect. Nines usually lived in homes where they felt like no one really saw or heard them. Their parents might have been kind and loving yet overwhelmed or not sensitive enough to recognize the child’s need for validation, connection, and recognition.

In some cases, they lived in large families where the attention of the caregivers was always split, so they felt like there was no space for their needs. Since their voice was never heard, their opinion was never asked for, and no one worried about how they felt, Nines concluded that their needs and opinions weren’t important.

For this reason, Nines chose to adapt and go with the flow, as their experience told them that no one would bother with their needs anyway. By sacrificing their needs, they gain a sense of belonging to their family; as a result, they become social chameleons, often unaware of their strengths and talents.

So, to heal, Nines need permission to pursue their own needs and desires even when they are not aligned with other people’s expectations.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” — Maya Angelou

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Key Takeaways

So, if none of the childhood scenarios we described here match your story, but you identify as having a certain Enneagram personality type, that doesn’t mean you should question your type. The wounding is sometimes so subtle, and we get so accustomed to it that we don’t even recognize it as an issue.

Childhood trauma is universal, and while the Enneagram test may attempt to group people according to their wounds and personality types, the reality is that every wound is unique. Categorizations are only there to help us map our path back to our essence.