Love Bombing: What It Is and How To Recognize the Signs

Love bombing is an intense display of attention and affection at the beginning of a romantic relationship. It has many forms—showering a partner with gifts, overwhelming them with compliments, or demanding all of their time and attention.

People react differently to love bombing depending on their personality type. Some are more vulnerable to this behavior, failing to recognize it for what it is—a way to gain control.

In this article, we’ll explain the meaning of love bombing in more detail, exploring its effects on different Enneagram types. We’ll also list the most common red flags that point to this emotional pattern so that you can learn to distinguish it from genuine affection. Let’s begin!

What Is Love Bombing?

Love bombing is a manipulation tactic employed to woo someone and lure them into a romantic relationship. It involves over-the-top expressions of affection, such as making plans for the future early on or saying “I love you” too soon to create a false sense of intimacy.

If your new partner acts this way, you may think you’ve found your perfect match. After all, your goals and values seem to align, and you’ve never had anyone take such an interest in you before.

The truth is that this is exactly what a love bomber wants you to believe. That way, it’ll be easier for them to keep you around when their thoughtful gestures spiral into a cycle of neglect, emotional withdrawal, and even abuse.

What Causes One To Love Bomb?

The most common cause for someone’s love bombing is their desire to gain power over their partner. Love bombing triggers a flow of dopamine, known as the feel-good hormone, creating a sensation that quickly becomes addictive for the victim. As a result, they begin to crave their partner’s affection, especially when it’s withheld.

This is the love bomber’s goal—to make their partner dependent on them for validation and a sense of worth. In doing so, they feel in control of the relationship and their partner’s emotions.

With this in mind, it’s unsurprising that a study by Strutzenberg found a positive correlation between love bombing and narcissism. In fact, individuals with narcissistic traits are the most likely to be love bombers.

That said, it’s important to understand that someone being overly affectionate at the start of a relationship doesn’t automatically mean they have ulterior motives. Love bombing psychology suggests that people with insecure attachment styles may engage in unintentional love bombing out of fear of abandonment and desire for reassurance.

How To Recognize Love Bombing Early On: 5 Signs

Some of the early love bombing signs you should watch out for are extravagant gifts, exaggerated compliments, and promises of a future together that sound too good to be true.

Let’s analyze them in detail:

#1. They Shower You With Gifts

There’s nothing wrong with giving your significant other a gift every now and then, but a love bomber often goes overboard with it. Instead of an occasional flower, you may get several dozen roses or expensive jewelry within the first few weeks of dating.

While these gestures may seem kind at first, after a while, you might find yourself pressured to reciprocate in ways that don’t feel natural or comfortable. This is precisely what a love bomber aims for—to make you feel like you owe them for their generosity so that they can hold it over you.

#2. They Are Rushing the Relationship

A relationship with a love bomber usually moves too fast. They may tell you they love you after a couple of days of dating and start talking about moving in together or even marriage a few weeks in. Although their eagerness to commit and make things official may feel charming, this is often a red flag.

The truth is that genuine relationships take time to develop. Getting to know someone on a deeper level is a process that can’t be sped up. A love bomber knows this, which is why they may try to force commitment on you before their mask slips off and reveals their true nature.

#3. They Demand Constant Attention

If you’re dating a love bomber, they’ll likely want to spend every waking moment with you. Their clinginess can manifest as them showing up at your doorstep unannounced or texting and calling you round-the-clock. Either way, they want to make sure they’re on your mind non-stop, whether you’re physically together or not.

This monopolization of your time and attention can go even further—it’s not uncommon for a love bomber to act jealous of other people in your life, including friends and family. For this reason, they may frequently track your whereabouts under the guise of caring about your well-being.

#4. They Overwhelm You With Compliments

A love bomber knows how to make you feel like you’re on cloud nine. They’ll compliment everything about you—from your looks to your personality—and they’ll do it relentlessly. At first, their behavior may seem endearing—after all, who wouldn’t want to be adored by their partner?

However, their praises, though flattering, usually hold little value. The truth is that love bombers are skilled at reading others, which is why they seem to know exactly what you want to hear. Their compliments are their means of reeling you in and leaving you wanting more so that you stick around when they start withdrawing.

#5. They Make Grand Promises

Love bombers are people of many words but little action. They may promise you the stars and the moon, yet never seem to follow through on even the simplest commitments. Their inconsistency is confusing, leaving you unsure of their real intentions.

However, you may still hold on to hope they’ll eventually step up, clinging to the charm of their initial promises despite the growing signs of their unreliability.

This usually happens at a later stage of a relationship with a narcissist, when their true colors start shining through. To avoid accountability for their actions, they may resort to future faking—another classic love bombing example—where they make grand promises to shift focus from a present problem.

Love Bombing vs. Genuine Affection

Love bombing and genuine affection are as different as they can be, although they can seem alike at first glance. A problematic behavior seen through rose-colored glasses can easily be misinterpreted as infatuation.

For this reason, it’s important to learn how to differentiate between the two. First and foremost, love bombing often manifests as complete disregard for your boundaries. Meanwhile, genuine affection respects and honors your personal space and needs.

Additionally, while a love bomber gives only to get something in return, genuine affection is given freely, with no strings attached. In a healthy relationship, your partner’s intentions are clear and actions consistent. They make an effort to communicate openly with you so that you don’t need to fill in the blanks between their words.

With this in mind, let’s summarize the signs of love bombing vs. genuine affection:

3 Key Tips on How To Deal With Love Bombing

Dealing with love bombing can be challenging, especially if you’ve never been in a similar situation. However, there are some things you can do to discourage this type of behavior.

Let’s see what they are:

#1. Set Clear Boundaries

The best way to deter a love bomber is to communicate your boundaries early in a relationship. You have a right to personal space and alone time, and you should be free to see your friends and family whenever you want.

A respectful partner who wants to build a healthy connection with you will respect your individuality. A manipulator, on the other hand, will try to cross your boundaries and even make you feel guilty for having them.

#2. Take Things Slow

Relationships progress at a different pace, so there’s no universal rule regarding how fast yours should evolve. However, rushing through the milestones is usually unhealthy. Take your time to get to know the person who’s just entered your life and see if you’re compatible.

That said, if you two get along well and both feel that committing to each other early on is the right thing to do, you don’t need to hesitate just because others might think it’s too soon. The point is to trust your instincts and be comfortable with however quickly or slowly your connection develops.

#3. Lean on Your Support System

When you enter a new relationship, it’s normal to want to spend as much time as possible with your partner. Still, you shouldn’t let the initial infatuation and excitement overshadow the importance of maintaining connections with other people in your life.

After all, your friends and family are your support system and can offer valuable perspective and balance as your romantic relationship progresses. Additionally, they’re the ones you should turn to for advice if you suspect your new partner might exhibit signs of love bombing.

Enneagram and Love Bombing

The Enneagram and relationships are closely linked—knowing your type can help you understand who you’re most likely to get along with. However, it can also reveal how vulnerable you are to love bombing.

With this in mind, let’s see how each Enneagram type might react to love bombing:

• Type 1 (The Perfectionist): Due to their high standards, Ones would likely be put off by lack of consistency.
• Type 2 (The Helper): Idealistic as they are, Twos might overlook red flags because they enjoy feeling appreciated.
• Type 3 (The Achiever): Threes would enjoy the attention but grow wary if it threatens their independence.
• Type 4 (The Individualist): As hopeless romantics, Fours may mistake love bombing for a deep connection.
• Type 5 (The Investigator): Cautious and aloof, Fives would see a love bomber as intrusive and likely withdraw.
• Type 6 (The Loyalist): Sixes crave safety, so they would find the hot-and-cold attitude of a love bomber off-putting.
• Type 7 (The Enthusiast): Sevens may enjoy the initial excitement but walk away when the relationship becomes controlling.
• Type 8 (The Challenger): Eights would quickly see through the manipulation and confront a love bomber directly.
• Type 9 (The Peacemaker): Nines might sense discomfort but ignore it due to their love of harmony and conflict avoidance.

As you can see, the most likely to fall victim to love bombing in relationships are the heart types—Twos, Threes, and Fours. On the other hand, the most likely to engage in love bombing themselves are unhealthy Twos, Threes, Sevens, and Eights.

Helpers could love bomb out of their need for validation. Achievers may do it to win their partner’s admiration. Enthusiasts would most likely do it unintentionally, showering their partner with attention to avoid boredom. Lastly, in their unhealthy state, Challengers could use grand gestures to establish dominance.

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Final Thoughts

Love bombing may seem charming on the surface—after all, it always feels good to be cherished. However, underneath the surface, a love bomber’s attentive gestures are likely a way to draw you in and gain control.

Fortunately, there are ways you can tell if your new partner is being manipulative or simply infatuated with you. If their efforts are consistent, you probably have nothing to worry about. However, if their behavior quickly goes from hot to cold and back, you may be dealing with a love bomber.

To protect yourself, set clear boundaries and observe how they respond to them. Above all, trust your instincts—your intuition will be your best guide.

Love Bombing FAQ