Why People Act Differently Around Different People: Full Analysis

No matter how well we know who we are, we often consciously and unconsciously act differently around different people. Sometimes we are motivated by a desire to be liked by others; other times, we do not want to show our true selves, and many times we are unaware that we behave like a completely different person in certain social contexts.

So, why do people act differently around different people? Is this normal? Should we do something about it? The Enneagram test and theory offer an interesting insight into this topic, so we’ll explore it through the lenses of all nine Enneagram personality types in this article.

Let’s dive in!

Key Takeaways

• People acting differently around other people is usually an adaptive strategy based on the inherent human need for belonging and connection.
• The Enneagram test and theory can help us understand the motivation behind behavioral shifts by shedding light on the connection between core needs and personality adaptations.
• The phenomenon of social mirroring is one of the main reasons why people act differently around different people.
• The key difference between healthy and unhealthy behavioral shifts is whether they are automatic or conscious.

The Psychology Behind Behavioral Shifts

The psychology behind behavioral shifts is based on the inherent human need for belonging and connection, as well as the primary drive for survival. Here's a breakdown of key psychological factors underlying these shifts according to social behavior psychology:

#1. Social Mirroring and Adaptation

When we find ourselves in a new environment, we may spontaneously mimic the body language, speech patterns, and attitudes of the people we meet. This has nothing to do with being fake; it’s actually a normal reaction called social or behavioral mirroring.

The purpose of this behavioral mimicry isn’t to present ourselves differently from who we are but to enhance connection and rapport. As social beings, we thrive on connection. Therefore, our instinctive reaction is to ensure the connection happens even before we’re fully aware of the whole social context.

This is the reason why we may sometimes find ourselves wondering: “Did I really say that?” or expressing an attitude we don’t typically hold.

However, when extreme, behavioral shifts are more than social mirroring and can be an indication of compartmentalization or a personality disorder.

#2. Influence of Emotional Safety and Perceived Expectations

Shifts in behavior often reflect how safe we feel. The more accepting an environment is, the safer it feels to behave spontaneously without inhibitions. So, it is natural to feel the urge to behave differently in an unfriendly environment. For example, we may withhold specific political opinions at a highly political social event to avoid conflict.

At work, these shifts may be expressed as a drive to overperform and ensure our job safety. In family circles, we may display the kind of behavior that aligns with family values more than with our authentic needs to ensure we meet our family’s expectations.

#3. The Human Desire to Belong and Avoid Rejection

The reason why people act differently around different people is strongly connected to the human desire to belong and avoid rejection. Social rejection feels as painful as physical pain and is a common and valid reason why people may sometimes drastically change their behavior around others.

Furthermore, this desire to belong and fear of rejection become particularly evident during adolescence, when young individuals strive to belong to a specific social group and become prone to dramatic changes in their appearance and attitude.

Typical behavioral changes for this age include code-switching, which means changing the language/slang between different groups, and persona-shifting, which refers to emphasizing different traits based on the situation.

How to Know if You’re Being Fake or Just Adapting?

The difference between being fake and just adapting is in the level of fear you feel. The bigger the threat of rejection, abandonment, or conflict, the more afraid you will be, and the more likely it is that you are just adapting to avoid experiencing undesired outcomes.

On the other hand, when your behavioral changes are driven by a concrete goal, like getting promoted at work or being noticed by a person you like, you may be more prone to being fake in the sense that you don’t act authentically.

Nevertheless, people with a strong sense of identity may feel they are faking it even when they are objectively pressured to adapt their behavior to specific external or social demands. What’s important to understand is that acting differently doesn’t mean you’re inauthentic. It just means you’re human and use different adaptive mechanisms to survive, belong, and connect.

On the other end of the spectrum are people who never act authentically, without being aware of their fake persona, because their sense of personal identity isn’t fully mature yet. These people have poor personal boundaries, easily override their core values, and tend to people-please excessively.

Whether you’re being fake or just adapting, there’s no reason to shame yourself for your behavior. All our behaviors and reactions are natural; we just need to understand the inner logic that drives them.

That is where the Enneagram test and theory can provide significant support. The Enneagram helps us understand our core motivations, fears, and desires, as well as how to stay true to ourselves while also adjusting to our social environment and relationships with others. Real self-awareness in relationships means catching yourself changing.

3 Key Signs You’re Betraying Yourself

When you’re faking and changing your behavior more than necessary to adapt and ensure connection, you’re actually betraying yourself. Here are some typical signs that can help you recognize when you’re being fake:

• Feeling of emptiness after interactions: Usually the consequence of acting instead of connecting.
• Experiencing fatigue after interactions: You’ve drained your energy resources pretending to be someone you’re not. The authentic vs. social self dance is exhausting when overdone.
• Distancing yourself from people you’re close with: You may be afraid that people who know you well will judge you for not being true to yourself.

The Role of Enneagram in Behavioral Flexibility

The Enneagram test and theory provide insight into why some people’s behavior shifts so often and why some others have trouble adapting even when that’s obviously necessary.

Each Enneagram type has a different personality structure shaped by their unique core motivation, fears, and desires. Depending on their core needs, each type reacts differently in conflict and changes their behavior when they are in fear or in love.

Furthermore, certain Enneagram types may be more prone to masking their personality than others due to a more intense need to fit in.

The Enneagram doesn’t define how much someone will be prone to changing their behavior, but it can indicate how flexible a person is and how easily they will adapt to new environments and circumstances.

How Each Enneagram Type Adapts in Social Settings

Each Enneagram type wears different ‘hats’ depending on social settings—that’s Enneagram and social roles at play. That said, let’s see what motivates each Enneagram type to act differently around other people and what their behavioral changes look like.

Enneagram 1—The Perfectionist

Perfectionist strives for perfection in every sense, so they make an effort to always be on their best behavior. As one of the types who are most prone to emotional perfectionism, these individuals may be more rigid than others when it comes to adapting to changes. As a result, they can appear stiff and formal in new environments.

The biggest change in their behavior is evident when they are around people they’re close with. Surrounded by those who love and accept them and whose respect they don’t feel pressured to earn, Ones show their creativity and passion for life. Their sense of humor also shines, and they generally appear more lively and spontaneous than they do around strangers.

Enneagram 2—The Helper

Twos are highly intuitive and extremely adaptable because their core motivation is based on the belief that they need to earn others’ love by catering to their needs. For this reason, their behavior easily changes depending on the demands of the people they are surrounded with.

In the presence of people with whom they feel safe, Twos’ behavior may be more assertive, passionate, and direct. Helpers may be less conflict-avoidant than they usually are and generally feel more confident in the circle of their loved ones.

Enneagram 3—The Achiever

Threes are highly image-focused and are often social chameleons whose behavior is dictated by the imperative to impress, seduce, and charm others. Achievers quickly assess social hierarchy, anticipate the type of behavior that would earn them approval or praise, and blend in effortlessly in new environments.

Naturally, since they play so many different roles in their social life, Threes may struggle to be fully present in their close relationships and build emotional intimacy. However, when someone earns their trust, and they decide to show their true selves, they display much more insecurity, fragility, and sensitivity than they do in public.

Enneagram 4—The Individualist

Fours have a strong need to stay true to themselves in all circumstances, and their behavior is generally very volatile. Their reactions are based on impulses, but they can also be influenced by intuitive insights, particularly when they impress others with their wisdom and depth.

Other times, their behavior can be inappropriately dramatic or provocative, clouded by their emotions or unprocessed past experiences. So, generally, Fours don’t build a public persona that is much different from their private persona. In fact, they may be less dramatic around close people and, in situations of crisis, surprisingly practical.

Enneagram 5—The Investigator

The cautious Investigator is very reserved around other people. Their behavior is consistent and predictable. Fives don’t care about the impression they give off, nor are they interested in getting closer to others. Therefore, Investigators may appear secretive, tactful, and formal in social gatherings, speaking up only when they believe their words can add real value.

People who don’t know them well (and many don’t) would surely be surprised by how witty, humorous, and fun they can be when they feel safe with someone. Mainly driven by fear of betrayal, the Investigator’s behavior changes significantly when they feel they can rely on others.

Enneagram 6—The Loyalist

Driven by the need for security, Sixes scan their environment for signs of any kind of danger and are typically reserved and cautious around people they don’t know well. Loyalists are also prone to people-pleasing, similarly to Twos.

While they generally appear calm and collected, their behavior may shift rapidly the moment they perceive some threat to their safety, and they go into stress mode.

Their behavior is also significantly different when they are with friends and loved ones. From an overly cautious inspector, Sixes turn into warm, caring people full of joy when they are with people they feel they can trust.

Enneagram 7—The Enthusiast

The charming Sevens are spontaneous and honest in a childlike way. Used to being popular in their social circles, Enthusiasts are likely to change their behavior to align with current social trends rather than to please specific people.

Sevens may, however, behave differently with the people who inspire intense emotions in them. That’s because they don’t know how to deal with deep feelings and may feel the need to withdraw when they experience a deep connection with someone. They may also be unusually serious around such people, in contrast to their normally lighthearted demeanor.

Enneagram 8—The Challenger

Eights strive to display an image of power and control around strangers while they are shockingly warm and generous around close friends and people they love. Similarly to Threes, they easily perceive social hierarchy and intuitively find a way to take charge and be the center of attention in all circumstances.

However, unlike Threes, Eights love challenging others’ boundaries through playful confrontations and passionate debates. For this reason, people may generally assume that Eights would be brash or self-centered in close relationships, while the reality is the opposite.

Contrary to popular belief that is based on their public persona, Challengers are deeply devoted, gentle, thoughtful, and warm with people they’re close to.

Enneagram 9—The Peacemaker

Type Nine, the Peacemaker, tends to easily agree with others to avoid conflict and spontaneously absorbs the group dynamic. Nines go with the flow, and their behavior rarely changes radically, as it is always subtly attuned to the needs of people around them.

So, since they rarely allow themselves to say what they think and feel in public to avoid disturbing social harmony, Peacemakers may appear surprisingly determined and opinionated with close people. When they are with close friends, Nines exhibit a much firmer attitude, but they always avoid direct confrontation.

Why Do You Act Differently Around Different People?

Take the Enneagram test and learn to recognize your automatic personality adaptations. Moreover, the Enneagram can help you balance flexibility with authenticity and grow beyond your unconscious behavioral patterns.

Final Thoughts

It is normal to act differently around different people. Moreover, having a public and private self is necessary, not a sign of dishonesty or malfunction. It’s an adaptive behavior whose purpose is to protect our authentic selves while navigating complex social dynamics.

Just like we dress differently for family gatherings and professional events, we adapt our emotional and behavioral expressions to suit different contexts. We don’t change our behavior to deceive but to connect while maintaining personal boundaries.

So, the question shouldn’t be why we act differently around different people, but whether we do it automatically or consciously. That’s where the crucial difference between a healthy and unhealthy personality adaptation lies. The more consciously we change our behavior, the easier it gets to preserve our authenticity.

Why Do People Act Differently Around Different People FAQ