Enneagram Turn-Offs in Relationships: Full Guide

Exploring Enneagram turn-offs in relationships can provide interesting insights into each personality type’s needs and desires. What is a red flag for one type may be a green flag for another, so it is important to understand the psychological forces that drive our preferences.

In this article, we’ll see what the typical triggers and red flags of Enneagram types in relationships are, how they react to these, and what they tell us about their emotional needs.

What Is the Enneagram, and How Does It Work?

The Enneagram is a personality system and an amazing tool for self-discovery, personal growth, and development. Founded by Oscar Ichazo, the modern Enneagram theory originates from ancient wisdom and combines multicultural influences from modern philosophy and contemporary personality psychology.

This theory classifies people into nine personality types based on their strengths, fears, needs, desires, and core motivations. Unlike most personality theories, the Enneagram focuses on the inner psychological forces that shape each personality type rather than on their observable characteristics.

The Enneagram is also very flexible thanks to concepts like Enneagram wings and arrows. These, namely, explain how personality subtypes are formed and how each type changes through their development stages. What also makes it unique is how it defines personality types based on the Enneagram motivations that shape their behavior, not their observable traits.

So, by taking an Enneagram test and determining your type, you get a detailed overview of every important aspect of your personality. Moreover, the Enneagram can help you improve your communication skills, relationships, and career or unlock your blocked creativity.

Enneagram Turn-Offs and Red Flags in Relationships

Enneagram turn-offs and Enneagram red flags in relationships are subtle indicators that can help us navigate the complicated world of connections. They can also save us the trouble of wasting time on relationships that are unworthy of our effort.

Since personality type turn-offs help us understand our most important values in relationships, let’s explore those of each Enneagram type separately:

Enneagram Type 1 Turn-Offs

Enneagram Type One, also known as the Perfectionist, values consistency, integrity, respect, and correctness. Therefore, they also seek those qualities in their partners and aim for their relationships to be based on mutual respect. Moreover, they prefer stable, profound, meaningful connections with individuals who share their values.

Considering the values they seek in relationships, it comes as no surprise that dishonesty, laziness, shallowness, and a lack of responsibility easily trigger them. So, forgetting an arranged appointment, failing to show up on time, disappearing for days without explanation, and similar behaviors are huge red flags for Ones.

Besides that, Ones aren’t too patient with people who don’t share their values, so they are ready to instantly sever ties with those who lose their trust. Bearing this in mind, they might have the hardest time maintaining a relationship with Sevens due to their impulsive, unpredictable nature.

Enneagram Type 2 Turn-Offs

Enneagram Type Two, or the Helper, stands out for their compassion, tenderness, warmth, and intuition. Relationships are the top value in their lives, and they invest plenty of effort in building and maintaining meaningful, close connections. Twos crave to feel loved and accepted for everything they do for others and seek emotional reciprocity in relationships.

The thing with Twos and red flags is that they are ready to ignore them for a long time, hoping they can change the other person. So, despite being perfectly capable of noticing that their partner is selfish, emotionally distant, disrespectful, and not as committed, Twos will keep investing until they are emotionally drained.

Bearing this in mind, Twos don’t need to learn to recognize their red flags; they need to learn to be proactive when doing so. This means avoiding highly egocentric personality types who take their generosity for granted, as unhealthy Sevens and Eights often do.

Enneagram Type 3 Turn-Offs

The ambitious, energetic, and goal-oriented Threes, also called the Achievers, base their sense of self-worth and self-respect on the level of success they achieve. They value competence, drive, excellence, and recognition, so they seek partners who not only share their values but also make them look good in the public eye.

Therefore, the biggest turn-offs for Type Three are lack of ambition and direction in life, incompetence, and disorganization. They may be ready to have a casual fling with someone they find physically attractive but don’t invest themselves emotionally in connections that don’t contribute to their social image and ambitions.

Obviously, Threes may easily be turned off by Fours’ lack of discipline and structure, Nines’ lack of ambition, and Sevens’ carelessness.

Enneagram Type 4 Turn-Offs

The sensitive, delicate Enneagram Type Four, also known as the Individualist, is one of the most romantic Enneagram types. Fours tend to be very idealistic about their romantic relationships, often believing in soul mates and similar concepts and seeking deep emotional connection and passion.

The biggest turn-off for Enneagram Type Four is shallowness and lack of emotional depth. Partners who don’t understand their emotional complexity easily make them feel misunderstood and rejected. Moreover, Fours can tolerate a lot of things, but they can’t be in a relationship where they feel misunderstood and disconnected.

So, it makes sense to expect that Fours would have trouble connecting with the image-centered Threes, as their focus on status and external validation is the opposite of what Fours value.

Enneagram Type 5 Turn-Offs

Enneagram Type Five, or the Investigator, values competence, independence, knowledge, and autonomy. Fives’ relationships are primarily based on intellectual compatibility as they connect with others through shared interests and values. They need partners who give them plenty of space in a relationship and understand their need for solitude.

So, with this in mind, it is logical that Fives’ biggest turn-offs are possessiveness, lack of intellectual curiosity, invasion of privacy, emotional pressure, and social overload. Fives need intellectual challenges, and individuals who are not as curious or independent as they are quickly turn them off.

Based on their preferences, the most challenging connections for Fives would be with the emotionally demanding Twos and Fours, who are likely to make them feel smothered with their affection.

Enneagram Type 6 Turn-Offs

The traditional, diligent, and kind Sixes, also called the Loyalists, are driven by the need for security in life. They seek meaningful relationships based on emotional understanding and seek stability, loyalty, and support in relationships.

Similarly to Ones, they also like everything to be done according to ethical and social rules and norms. Plus, similarly to Twos, they can put up with many undesirable behaviors from others due to their compassionate and understanding nature.

However, they can’t stand dishonesty and uncertainty in connections, and inconsistency is also a huge red flag for them, as they have profound trust issues in relationships.

So, when it comes to Enneagram compatibility between this type and other personalities, it’s the worst with Sevens and Fours. Their unpredictability and lack of structure could easily set them off and trigger their deepest fears.

Enneagram Type 7 Turn-Offs

The endearing social butterfly, Enneagram Type 7, or the Enthusiast, bursts with a passion for life and is driven by the need for excitement and new experiences.

Curious, playful, and energetic, Sevens need constant intellectual and emotional stimulation to stay engaged in a relationship. In addition, they value passion, novelty, freedom, optimism, and creativity.

So, unsurprisingly, the biggest red flags for Sevens are pessimism, possessiveness, and rigidity. They enjoy being spontaneous and following their passions freely and easily feel trapped with partners who insist on rules and pressure them with questions about relationship plans.

Due to all this, Sevens are likely to feel very bored with types who are highly organized, routine-oriented, and who take life seriously, such as Ones and Sixes.

Enneagram Type 8 Turn-Offs

Enneagram Type Eight, also known as the Challenger, is passionate, driven, goal-oriented, and determined to be in control of their life and environment. They are very disciplined when it comes to work but can be very spontaneous and playful in their relationships. Though they value loyalty and stability, they also need passion and challenge in relationships.

Independent and loyal Eights struggle with vulnerability and trust, so the biggest red flags for them are dishonesty and inconsistency. They are also turned off by a lack of passion, as they have huge sensual appetites.

Since they can easily separate their emotions from their intellect, they can engage in casual flings with types who don’t share their values but are very careful when they are seriously interested in someone.

With that in mind, they might be triggered by Sevens’ inconsistency, Nines’ lack of ambition, and Fours’ unpredictability.

Enneagram Type 9 Turn-Offs

Nines, also called the Peacemakers, are recognized for their need for harmony. Driven by the need to belong, Nines do their best to preserve peace both within and around them and have exceptional conflict-resolution skills.

They value deep emotional connections, understanding, and stability in relationships and seek individuals who can inspire and support them. Considering their emotional sensitivity to conflicts, their most alarming red flag is aggressive, intrusive, and domineering behavior.

Though they can stand a lot of unpleasant reactions from others, they are deeply triggered by individuals who are too confrontational and instinctively withdraw from connection with them.

So, it is no surprise they might be turned off by Eights’ bold and domineering behavior and Ones' criticism, as both easily lead to conflicts.

Why Is It Important to Know Someone’s Turn-Offs?

It is important to know someone’s turn-offs because understanding what and why triggers our potential partners can help us build healthy and stable connections with them.

First, by recognizing what turns someone off, we can easily avoid such behavior and prevent causing them distress or discomfort.

Secondly, we can adjust our communication style and interactions to create a more supportive and harmonious atmosphere in a relationship, demonstrating respect toward the other person.

Finally, there’s no such thing as a perfect partner or relationship. All our connections are a work in progress, and knowing Enneagram turn-offs can help us foster deeper emotional bonds and maintain positive and more fulfilling ones.

Being willing to discuss and share our own turn-offs and red flags openly invites the other side to be just as open with us, thus paving the path to mutual respect. Not to mention how much creating a supportive and comfortable relationship space depends on recognizing our and others’ Enneagram turn-offs.

In addition, besides individual turn-offs, it may be very useful to explore some common relationship red flags that all Enneagram types should be aware of regardless of their individual preferences.

What Are Your Red Flags?

Take our Enneagram test, determine your Enneagram type, and learn to navigate the complex realm of human connections!

Key Takeaways

We are all highly susceptible to irrational reactions when in love. However, the more we know about our own and others’ Enneagram turn-offs and red flags, the more likely we are to overcome any relationship challenges.

So, to ensure you remember the most important insights about Enneagram turn-offs, let’s recap the key takeaways from this article:

• Ones, Sixes, and Eights are mainly turned off by inconsistency and lack of loyalty.
• For Twos, Fours, and Nines, the biggest red flag is the lack of emotional intimacy.
• Threes are turned off by a lack of ambition.
• Sevens and Fives can’t stand routine, boredom, and lack of intellectual or emotional stimulation.