Enneagram & Ghosting: How Each Type Reacts to Disconnection

Ghosting is a modern term that describes a situation in which someone suddenly cuts off communication without explanation and disappears from the other person’s life.

Though such an act is not new in the world of human relationships, it seems to draw more attention than ever because modern means of communication expose it in new ways.

In terms of the link between the Enneagram and ghosting, we can use the knowledge of personality types to understand which ones are the most likely to ghost or be ghosted and why that’s so.

So, in this article, we’re explaining why each type might ghost someone, how they react to ghosting, and what their communication struggle is, using the Enneagram test as a framework.

Let’s dive in!

Key Takeaways

• Understanding Enneagram personality types can help you understand the psychology of ghosting.
• Why people ghost often relates to emotional avoidance. Understanding the ghosting phenomenon can help with navigating Enneagram relationships.
• Each Enneagram type can ghost and be ghosted, but each type’s trigger is different. Ghosting is often connected with Enneagram-type reactions to stress.

What is Ghosting and How Does it Happen?

Ghosting is essentially disappearing from a relationship, and people have been doing it for centuries. However, today, since we’re all much more connected via social media and online communication tools, it’s not as easy to disappear and cut off all communication without any trace.

In the past, when there were no smartphones or the internet, ghosting was much simpler, but now people can typically find you on at least one social network. That is one of the reasons why we hear so much about ghosting nowadays; it is much more obvious and difficult to commit.

However, according to research on ghosting by Lateefa Rashed Daraj et al., modern technologies contribute to the rise of ghosting. Plus, because it is so obvious, it is even more painful for the person being ghosted.

Nevertheless, one thing to understand about ghosting is that it is never a mature reaction, and it reveals little about the person being ghostedand a great deal about the one doing the ghosting. In most cases, ghosting boils down to avoiding confrontation, emotional overwhelm, lack of interest, and fear of rejection.

As a result, every Enneagram type can ghost or be ghosted; the tendency to this behavior is less dependent on personality type and more on personal, emotional maturity.

Enneagram and Ghosting: How Each Type Handles Emotional Disconnection

Now, let’s analyze Enneagram and ghosting to understand what may propel each type to ghost someone and how they react when being ghosted themselves.

Enneagram 1—The Perfectionist

Ones generally strive to do everything the right way, so they avoid ghosting other people because it feels ethically wrong. However, if they perceive the other person has done something deeply morally incorrect, or behaves in such a way as to break social rules constantly, Ones may ghost them without feeling guilty.

When they are being ghosted, however, they are likely to believe it’s their fault, that they did something wrong, and somehow deserved such a reaction. Moreover, Ones will overanalyze and eventually may feel angry for lacking closure.

The key communication struggle in One’s relationships revolves around emotional perfectionism and control. They want to believe that everything can be logical, smooth, and ‘perfect,’ but emotions are messy and hard to control despite all their efforts to always be composed and rational.

Enneagram 1 and ghosting tip: It’s not always about you; letting go instead of hyperfocusing and overanalyzing your mistakes will provide you with the clarity you need.

Enneagram Type 2—The Helper

Twos are genuinely empathetic, and they avoid all behaviors that they believe may hurt others, always focusing on being supportive and helpful. However, if they feel unappreciated and their resentment builds up, Twos may feel like it’s ok to disappear from the relationship.

Since Helpers are deeply sensitive to rejection, ghosting is one of the worst things that can happen to them, as it triggers their deep fear of abandonment. When ghosted, Twos blame themselves, and may react by being clingy and obsessive about the person who ghosted them.

The thing they struggle with the most in communication is expressing their own needs. As a result, Helpers develop many people-pleasing strategies, unaware that real intimacy is impossible if they don’t share their authentic feelings.

Enneagram 2 and ghosting tip: Being honest about your needs is the best way to minimize the possibility of both ghosting and being ghosted.

Enneagram Type 3 - The Achiever

For Achievers, ghosting feels natural, almost as if they have the legitimate right to ghost anyone who jeopardizes their public image or personal and professional goals. They aren’t likely to even be aware of how painful their behavior may be for others, as they are highly focused on themselves.

They may, however, react with a mixture of grief and rage when they are being ghosted, though they are unlikely to express it. Achievers will quickly divert themselves with work and obligations, even though they may be doubting their value as a result of being ghosted.

In addition, ghosting may trigger their childhood narcissistic wound, making them more determined to prove their worth through success.

Furthermore, being authentic is the most difficult aspect of communication in relationships for Threes because they easily disconnect from their emotions in order to focus on their goals.

Enneagram 3 and ghosting tip: Avoid impulsive reactions in relationships, and resist the urge to delete someone from your life before you become fully aware of how you feel about them.

Enneagram Type 4—The Individualist

Individualists are one of the most impulsive Enneagram types, and their reactions are unpredictable. Therefore, they may ghost others on a whim, regretting their decision later, which often leads to unstable relationships. In general, they are most likely to ghost when they feel misunderstood or rejected.

Since they are deeply sensitive, being ghosted is an extremely painful experience for them. They may romanticize the loss, swing from sadness to anger, and question their worth.

Furthermore, Fours struggle with emotional regulation and often have irrational expectations of their partner, believing they will understand their feelings without having to express them.

Enneagram 4 and ghosting tip: Learn to communicate and understand your feelings while letting the other person explain theirs without extrapolating your own conclusions from their actions.

Enneagram Type 5—The Investigator

Investigators may ghost others when they feel emotionally overwhelmed, need space, and don’t know how to ask for it. Fives most frequently ghost others due to a lack of emotional literacy and typically have no idea how their actions impact other people.

Just as easily as they ghost others, they also accept being ghosted themselves. Fives aren’t likely to take ghosting personally; they quickly shift their focus to their intellectual interests and distance themselves from the experience.

Their biggest challenge in relationships is expressing vulnerability, vocalizing their emotions, and staying connected in conflict. They are prone to alienating the other person as soon as they feel any discomfort in a connection.

Enneagram 5 and ghosting tip: It’s ok that you need solitude, but that’s not an excuse to leave others hanging on a thread. Communicate your needs and allow others to communicate theirs.

Enneagram Type 6—The Loyalist

Sixes are among the most considerate Enneagram types, and if they choose to ghost someone, it's likely because they've been uneasy and suspicious of them for a while. Still, it is very rare for them to ghost someone; they are more likely to be ghosted as they can be too clingy and dependent in relationships.

When Sixes are ghosted, their anxiety spikes, and they obsess over the person who ghosted them, attempting to figure out what went wrong, to prevent the experience from happening again.

It's no surprise that trust is usually the most important issue in their relationships. As a result, Sixes are either too suspicious and reserved or too clingy.

Enneagram and ghosting tip: Shift your focus on how you feel with someone, not how you make someone feel with you. As a result, you’re experiencing more independence, thus decreasing your fear of abandonment.

Enneagram Type 7—The Enthusiast

Enthusiasts might as well be the Enneagram type who invented ghosting. When they feel even the slightest discomfort in a relationship, they are ready to leave without hesitation. Boredom can also trigger them to ghost others since they need constant stimulation to stay interested in a person.

One of the reasons why Sevens don’t feel any regret or guilt for ghosting others is that they move on quickly when they are ghosted, so they don’t see it as a big deal.

The fear of being tied down and experiencing deeper emotions is overwhelming for the Enthusiasts, and their biggest relationship struggle begins when they start catching feelings. That’s because they don’t have the skills necessary to process and regulate deeper emotions.

Enneagram 7 ghosting tip: It may not feel pleasant, but you’ll experience much deeper joy when you decide to face your feelings instead of avoiding them.

Enneagram Type 8—The Challenger

Eights are very direct, and ghosting someone may indicate that they feel deeply insulted or betrayed, to the point of despising the other person. Manipulation, or neediness, can also trigger them to just erase someone from their lives.

When Eights are being ghosted, they act as if they don't care because they don't want to jeopardize their pride.

However, Challengers may get very vindictive, sometimes waiting for months to get back at the person who ghosted them. These individuals might also get very confrontational and demand an explanation from the ghoster, chasing after them using all available communication tools.

The crucial communication struggle of this personality type is to let the other person see their vulnerability as they confuse it with weakness.

Enneagram 8 and ghosting tip: Use your directness to your advantage; leaving someone guessing why you left will not make you feel better in the long run, but telling the truth right away will.

Enneagram Type 9—The Peacemaker

Nines don’t handle personal conflicts well, so if the relationship becomes too tense, they may try to sneak out by ghosting the other person. Plus, they also struggle with saying no directly, so ghosting may be their way to avoid giving an answer they anticipate others won’t like.

As victims of ghosting, Nines usually pretend they are not affected while they are deeply suffering. Ghosting triggers their fear of abandonment, and they may become lethargic and apathetic as a result.

Similarly to Twos, they struggle with vocalizing their needs, prioritizing others’ comfort. Communicating assertively is their biggest challenge in relationships.

Enneagram 9 and ghosting tip: Recognize that your needs are as important as those of others, and practice communicating them more directly and freely.

Master Emotional Regulation with Enneagram

Discover your Enneagram type and learn how to manage all your emotions efficiently!

Final Thoughts

We hope exploring Enneagram and ghosting gave you some understanding of your own ghosting experiences and inspired you to be more proactive in your relationships.

After all, ghosting is a reflection of the ghoster’s emotional struggles. Though you can’t prevent being the victim of it, you can learn to communicate your needs assertively and avoid ghosting others, thus contributing to your and others’ personal growth.

In addition, exploring Enneagram types in conflict can help you reveal why some personalities ghost instead of facing difficult situations.

Enneagram and Ghosting FAQ