The Complete Insights Into Enneagram Type 1 & 3 Relationship

30 October 2023

To get a sense of the Enneagram 1 and 3 relationship, picture the subtle union of a bandmaster and the first violinist in an orchestra performing Tchaikovsky’s Concerto in D major—one of the most romantic classical pieces you’ll ever hear.

Together, they are indeed capable of creating extraordinary things together. In this article, we’ll dive into all the intricacies of the Enneagram 1 and 3 relationship and explain how their quirks and traits mesh and clash in love.

Enneagram 1 and 3 Relationship Compatibility

Enneagram 1 and 3 relationship is a powerful union of ambition, passion, order, and discipline. Both Ones and Threes aim high and are ready to go above and beyond to reach their goals and uphold their high standards, similar to how Fours and Sixes complement each other. For this reason, they respect each other and deeply understand each other’s relentless drive for success, similar to the ambition shared in the Type 3 and Type 5 relationship.

As a result of their deep desire to earn each other's respect and affection, Ones and Threes never rest in their pursuits of personal and professional growth. They both want to embody the very standards they hold, so there’s usually not too much room for fun and simple pleasures in their relationship.

What Do Enneagram Types One and Three Bring to the Relationship?

For Enneagrams 1 and 3 in love, there’s no goal that’s too high. They inspire each other, never questioning each other’s motivations. However, though they bring the same intensity and ambition to the relationship, their motivations are profoundly different.

Ones are motivated by ideals of social justice and a wish to make the world a better place, while Threes are more concerned with securing their own social standing and public acclaim. As a result, the Ones bring structure, rules, and principles to their relationships, while the Threes bring creativity, passion, and pragmatism.

While both are extremely dedicated to their work, Threes have a much more pronounced hedonistic streak than Ones, so they also bring fun, pleasure, and joy to this relationship. Meanwhile, Ones typically establish limits and ethical concerns in the relationship.

Enneagram 1 and 3 Relationship Breakdown

The Enneagram 1 and 3 relationship is the result of a delicate interplay of many different, often completely opposing factors. Here, we’ll break down its most significant elements and analyze each in detail.

#1. Type 1 and Type 3—Communication

Both Ones and Threes communicate in a direct, clear manner, and both are highly goal-oriented, a similarity also seen in the relationship relationship between 3 and 3. Therefore, they easily make arrangements in regard to everyday organization and provide each other with career advice and support.

However, when it comes to communicating their emotions, things do not flow so smoothly between them. They both easily suppress their feelings for the sake of achieving their objectives and sometimes find it hard to articulate what they actually need from each other.

#2. Type 1 and Type 3—Values

Ones are selfless, altruistic, and entirely devoted to upholding their altruistic and moral principles. Threes, on the other hand, are self-centered and see moral norms as something that should be handled and not respected since success always comes first in their value system.

Their relationship values are also very different. Ones value honesty, loyalty, and commitment, while Threes value passion, adventure, and public image.

#3. Type 1 and Type 3—Building Trust

Ones don’t give their trust easily, and opening up emotionally is one of the biggest challenges in the lives of Threes, too. Though they both communicate in a very clear and straightforward manner, similar to Enneagram Type 3 and Type 7, trust is not easily established between them because both are emotionally reserved.

Ones may be suspicious of Threes' real intentions and commitment due to their rich social engagement and many contacts. Plus, Threes tend to be very seductive and flirty, and Ones don’t tolerate such behavior.

Threes, on the other hand, may intuitively fear Ones’ criticism and judgment, which makes them only more determined in their decision not to open up. It takes mutual, intentional effort for them to build trust in both Enneagram 1 and 3 friendships and romantic relationships.

#4. Type 1 and Type 3—Stress Management

For Ones, stress comes from being exposed to criticism, injustice, or repeated mistakes. Threes are also highly sensitive to criticism, repetitive failure, and inability to solve an issue. Still, while Ones react to stress with self-directed anger, Threes get overwhelmed with shame.

Therefore, it can get very messy between them when they both go through stressful patches at the same time. Ones may act too critically toward Threes, who will react by emotionally distancing themselves. So, it takes a lot of maturity for both of them to overcome such clashes in their relationship.

#5. Type 1 and Type 3—Passion

There’s plenty of chemistry between Ones and Threes. While Enneagram Type One is intrigued by Enneagram Type Three's charm, Type Three sees Enneagram Type One's calm demeanor and dedication to moral principles as if they are playing hard to get.

While One’s passion is largely directed toward pursuing their noble goals, Three’s are more sensual and know how to get fun and pleasure from life. Therefore, in terms of passion, Ones and Threes complement each other well, as Threes inspire Ones to enjoy life more, and Ones motivate Threes to put their best foot forward.

#6. Type 1 and Type 3—Emotional Support

Since Threes struggle to stay in contact with their feelings, and Ones aren’t particularly emotionally expressive, the emotional exchange doesn’t flow smoothly between these two.

They are great at encouraging each other in terms of career goals and professional advancement, but when it comes to comforting each other in tough times, things are not so great.

Threes are deadly afraid of showing any weakness, and Ones need a lot more warmth and stability to come to the point when they feel at ease showing their soft side. Therefore, it takes a long time before these two learn how to support each other emotionally.

#7. Type 1 and Type 3—Intellectual Match

Ones and Threes usually have a dynamic and inspiring intellectual exchange. They are both usually experts in their fields of expertise and enjoy learning about each other’s interests and passions. Ones’ sense of structure and strategy inspires the best in Threes, while Threes' creativity and innovative approach spark curiosity in Ones.

#8. Type 1 and Type 3—Mutual Motivation & Encouragement

Ones’ altruistic pursuits are inspired by their firm belief that only by demonstrating their moral aptitude can they earn love and respect. Threes, on the other hand, believe that only recognition, status, and success can ensure a sense of self-worth to them.

The bottom line, both feel they are not worthy of love and respect just as they are, but that they have to do something to earn them. This shared belief creates a unique, intuitive, emotional bond between them, and they know exactly what to say and do to motivate each other to persist in their pursuits, which are essentially pursuits for love.

Potential Troubles & Conflicts in Enneagram 1 and 3 Relationship

There are many potential challenges in an Enneagram 1 and 3 relationship, as both types are so ardently dedicated to their professional rather than personal lives. While they respect each other’s devotion to excellence, they may find it hard, if not impossible, to get closer to each other, as both are easily consumed by their careers.

If they don’t manage to establish emotional intimacy, they may begin to judge each other for the very things they admire at first. Ones may perceive Threes’ focus on reputation and public image as shallow, while Threes may feel Ones’ perfectionistic standards are too rigid and unattainable.

Furthermore, things may get exceedingly complicated when both types experience stress. Ones’ lack of self-compassion and hypercriticism are particularly painful for Threes, who need exactly the opposite in times of stress. Ones, on the other hand, may feel like Threes withdraw exactly when they need more warmth and emotional closeness.

In addition, Threes’ impressive social skills and tendency to flirt and seduce other people just for the sake of confirming their own worth may be very painful for Ones, who perceive such behavior as betrayal.

Finally, they may easily get too competitive over who achieves more and who performs better in various aspects of life. The good news is that the sole thing they need to do to relieve all these issues is to communicate more openly about how they feel and what they need from each other.

Type 1 and Type 3 Wings’ Impact on the Relationship

The Enneagram test may show that your Enneagram type has wings. When looking at an Enneagram diagram, "wings" are the two types immediately adjacent to the "core" type. Having a wing means you are very likely to exhibit the traits of one of the two Enneatypes adjacent to your core type.

So, according to this, Ones can have Types Nine and Two as their wings, and Threes can have Two or Four as their wings.

When both One and Three have a Two wing, they will find a way to overcome their differences and get closer to each other much more easily, as Two is a very relationship-oriented wing. 1w2s and 3w2s make very harmonious couples who know how to support each other emotionally.

1w9 and 3w4 can also make a very fulfilling relationship, as their wings match well. These couples like to take time to withdraw from the world to build their sanctuary. 1w9 and 3w2, as well as 1w2 and 3w4, can also work well since all these wings promote better emotional exchange between Ones and Threes.

3 Tips on How to Elevate a Type 1 and Type 3 Relationship

The crucial aspect that needs improvement in the relationship between Types One and Three is emotional exchange. Both types have tremendous capacity for love, but they need reassurance from each other to be able to express all those tender feelings freely.

Here are a few tips that can help them with that:

Focus on the partner’s personality, not their achievements. Both Ones and Threes need to learn to accept and give love unconditionally. They must show each other that they enjoy the mere presence of one another and that they don’t have to prove anything.
Focus on joy. Since both are workaholics, leaving more room for joy and pleasure is a great way to establish a warmer atmosphere in their relationship and get closer to each other.
Avoid criticism at all costs. No matter how they feel, both Ones and Threes should avoid criticizing one another. Criticism is a huge stress trigger for both of them and only brings out their worst qualities.

Key Takeaways

From rivalry to romance and backward, there can be many ups and downs in an Enneagram 1 and 3 relationship. But, as long as they are both willing to invest in self-development and stay open to compromise, they can accomplish great things together.

That said, let’s remember some of the most important facts about Enneagram 1 and 3 compatibility:

Ones and Threes share the same drive for excellence but are motivated by completely different things.
There’s a lot of chemistry between them, and they are a great intellectual match, which makes their relationship dynamic and interesting.
The key to their harmony lies in learning how to provide each other with emotional support.

If you want to learn more about other Enneagram type relationships, browse our other articles: