Enneagram Type 1 & 1 Relationship: The Perfectionist Duo

30 October 2023

If anyone can change the world, that would surely be a couple of Perfectionists together. They are Mrs. and Mr. Smith, the Superwoman and the Superman, and they know what needs to be done to make the world a better place. Plus, the Enneagram 1 and 1 relationship is indeed one of the most dynamic ones since both individuals are active, driven, and highly motivated

In this article, we’ll explore what happens with Enneagram 1 and 1 in love, what keeps them together, what could set them apart, and how their relationships evolve over time.

Enneagram 1 and 1 Relationship Compatibility

Enneagram 1 and 1 compatibility is based on shared values and goals. Ones and Ones are, like almost all double-type pairings—highly compatible. This is primarily because they have an innate understanding of each other’s needs and, therefore, communicate easily.

Two Ones respect each other, but those very traits they share can also become the source of the greatest conflicts between them. Especially if they are both very young, they may compare and contrast themselves to one another in an effort to determine who is more flawless. Enneagram 1 females often bring a nurturing perspective that can balance these dynamics, while Enneagram 1 males often struggle with this comparison, as societal expectations can amplify their need for perfection.

However, since they are both concerned with issues of justice and fairness, they will always strive to be fair to one another despite their potential rivalry. Thanks to their similar lifestyles and habits, they will easily achieve every kind of arrangement. This is also reflected in the Type 6 and 6 relationship, where shared values strengthen their bond.

What Does Enneagram Type One Bring to the Relationship?

Ones are responsible, dutiful, and hardworking individuals who bring a sense of direction and purpose into their relationships. It doesn’t take them long to start making long-term plans for their life together; they are the type of couple who wants to do everything right, so they plot out their future together meticulously.

Since both have a very rational approach to life and share the same values, they create an atmosphere of clarity in their relationship and support each other’s ambitions. Ones’ communication style is direct, straightforward, and respectful, so these two foster the same values in their relationship.

Enneagram 1 and 1 Relationship Breakdown

Since every relationship is an interplay of multiple factors, let’s see what the building blocks of the Enneagram Type One and One connection are. Here’s a breakdown of the crucial elements Ones’ relationship consists of.

#1. Type 1 and Type 1—Communication

The communication of Ones and Ones is a textbook example of what respectful, honest, and clear communication should be like. However, other people in their environment may perceive their communication as somewhat cold, as they don’t show love and affection in public. They are not sentimental, and their tone may seem a bit formal for a couple.

#2. Type 1 and Type 1—Values

Honesty, justice, integrity, and altruism are the essential values of Ones, which is why they often exhibit a significant influence on society as a couple. Since they are motivated by the exact same values, they will selflessly encourage each other to persist in their efforts to better the world.

In terms of their relationship, both appreciate commitment, loyalty, and transparency and create a very structured relationship based on deep respect for each other. It is, therefore, no surprise that the Enneagram 1 and 1 dating stage is very short exactly because they quickly get serious about each other.

#3. Type 1 and Type 1—Building Trust

Building trust between two Type Ones isn’t challenging. Ones are deeply terrified of making any kind of ethical mistake. For this reason, they try their hardest all the time so that no one can ever accuse them of failingthem or being disappointed.

#4. Type 1 and Type 1—Stress Management

Criticism, injustice, and mistakes are the biggest stress triggers for Perfectionists. Their strong inner critic becomes hyperactive under stress, making them resentful, passive-aggressive, and righteous.

In stressful circumstances, they may get into fights around whose way of doing things is the better way, who is more successful, and who should be in charge.

#5. Type 1 and Type 1—Passion

Perfectionists are very intense and passionate individuals. Though their passion is often directed toward fighting for their ideals, they still have plenty of it left to share with their romantic partners.

However, since pleasure is not high on their list of priorities, they may struggle to incorporate this aspect of their relationship harmoniously into their everyday routines. They may neglect their personal lives in favor of their careers, robbing their relationship of the enjoyment it could otherwise provide.

#6. Type 1 and Type 1—Emotional Support

While Ones are naturally inclined to support each other because they share the same values, they are not particularly emotionally expressive. Therefore, they may occasionally need more than what they usually provide to each other in terms of encouragement.

So, providing emotional understanding and support is an area for growth in Enneagram 1 and 1 relationships. They both need to understand that sometimes it is not important to say the perfect thing but to just offer warmth and acceptance to each other.

#7. Type 1 and Type 1—Intellectual Exchange

The intellectual exchange between two Perfectionists is very rich and nuanced, as they both have very prominent intellectual aspirations. They enjoy discussing their ideals, views on the world, and ideas on how the human condition could be improved. Both of them also love to learn and refine their knowledge and skills, so they inspire each other in this sense, too.

It is this aspect of the Enneagram 1 and 1 relationship that brings them closer together and supports their emotional connection.

#8. Type 1 and Type 1—Mutual Motivation & Encouragement

Ones are independent, driven, and ambitious. So they neither look for nor need other people to motivate them. In spite of this, they serve as sources of motivation for one another due to the fact that they are essentially mirror images of one another.

On top of it, since Ones are usually great teachers and mentors, they know exactly what to say to boost each other’s drive when necessary.

Enneagram 1 and 1 Relationship: Potential Troubles & Conflicts

The strong inner critic that pushes Ones to be relentless in their efforts to change the world, improve, and correct all the wrongs is also the biggest source of conflicts in close relationships. Ones can be merciless toward themselves, so it can get quite brutal when both Ones’ inner critics get triggered at the same time.

For a healthy Enneagram 1 and 1 relationship, it is essential that they learn to silence their inner critic by practicing self-compassion. Expressing their anger assertively instead of suppressing it is also a crucial lesson for Ones, and this goes both for Enneagram 1 and 1 friendships and romantic relationships.

Another major challenge for the Enneagram 1 and 1 relationship may come from their shared tendency to look down on other people who don’t measure up to their standards. This may lead to them isolating as a couple and disconnecting from reality.

While their inner critics would celebrate in this kind of setting, such isolation is, in general, very detrimental to their personal growth and mutual relationships. The best way to counteract this tendency is to intentionally plan time and space for pure pleasure and do things that bring them joy together. The more joy they allow themselves, the less critical they will be of each other.

Type 1 and Type 1 Wings’ Impact on the Relationship

Your Enneagram test results may show that your Enneagram type has a wing. Enneagram wings are the two neighboring Enneatypes that surround your core type on the Enneagram diagram. So, in other words, having a wing means you have some traits of one of your neighboring types.

Type One can have Types Nine and Two as their wings. Since Nines and Twos are very compliant and relationship-oriented types, having either of these wings can only make the relationship between the two Ones more harmonious.

1w9 will get along smoothly with 1w2 and vice versa. There is a possibility that a couple of 1w9s will have a greater interest in social activism, whereas a couple of 1w2s will be friendlier and more willing to interact with people from different backgrounds.

3 Tips on How to Elevate a Type 1 and Type 1 Relationship

The Enneagram 1 and 1 relationship has a lot of growth potential, and the good news is that they shouldn’t work more but less to make their relationship better. They may both have unrealistic expectations of making their relationship ideal and invest a lot of effort to do everything by the book.

But that’s the opposite of what they need to elevate their relationship. Instead, they should focus on these things:

Pleasure. Since they are both largely invested in their professional development and put their responsibilities first, they both leave little room for the simple joys of life, fun, sensual pleasures, and rest. It is essential for all of these to become integral parts of their lives and relationships if they want to grow.
Spontaneity. Perfectionism often comes at the price of spontaneity. This tendency for perfectionism is also evident in the 3 and 3 relationship. Doing everything right doesn’t leave a lot of room for creativity, either. This may rob their relationship of warmth, so it is essential that they don’t intentionally plan every little detail of their time together or their relationship in general.
Compassion. Ones tend to see compassion as a weakness and insist on their subjective, unrealistic, high standards. They need to accept all emotions as normal and practice compassion both toward themselves and each other.

Key Takeaways

The Enneagram 1 and 1 relationship surely isn’t as perfect as two Perfectionists would want it to be, but it is full of potential. When two Ones are committed to succeeding together, nothing can stop them.

Now, before we move on to exploring other Enneagram couples, let’s go back to some essential facts about the Enneagram 1 and 1 relationship:

Two Ones are compatible because they share the same values, goals, and ideals.
Intellectual exchange brings them closer, and they are great inspirations to one another.
It is essential for them to leave more room for joy and pleasure in a relationship and show more compassion for themselves and toward each other.

For more insights into Enneagram Type 1 relationships with other types, check out our detailed articles: