Do Narcissists Hate Themselves: The Truth Revealed

Some narcissists hate themselves, but those who genuinely feel superior to others typically don’t. Still, it’s not uncommon for people to wonder whether narcissists loathe themselves deep down, as the confidence they project often seems exaggerated. And rightfully so; some of them pretend to be confident to compensate for their insecurities.

If you’re looking for a thorough answer to the question, “Do narcissists hate themselves?” keep reading. This article will cover the different types of narcissism and their self-perception, explore the connection between narcissism and the Enneagram, and more.

What Is Narcissism?

Narcissism is a personality trait characterized by an excessive preoccupation with oneself. It exists on a spectrum; everyone possesses it to some degree, and moderate levels of narcissism are generally considered healthy.

Therefore, even though the term “narcissist” is often thrown around, not everyone who displays narcissistic personality traits, such as a heightened sense of self-importance or a strong need for admiration, is a narcissist.

Clinically speaking, a narcissist is someone who meets the diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)and has a formal diagnosis from a qualified mental health provider, such as a psychiatrist. NPD is a cluster B personality disorder characterized by:

• Self-entitlement
• A lack of empathy
• Exploitative behavior
• A high demand for admiration
• A grandiose sense of self-importance
• Envy of others or a belief that others envy you
• Arrogance and superior attitudes toward others
• A preoccupation with fantasies of success, beauty, or power

Now that we’ve cleared that up and you’re more familiar with the psychological traits of narcissists, it’s time to answer the question, “Do narcissists hate themselves?”

Do Narcissists Truly Hate Themselves?

Some narcissists do truly hate themselves, but not all of them do. Although many people believe that narcissism is a mask people who loathe themselves wear to appear more confident, a study by Campbell et al. argues against this assumption. It concludes that narcissists don’t uniformly hate themselves deep down; instead, they display imbalanced self-views.

In other words, self-hatred in narcissists manifests under specific circumstances. According to the study, they tend to view themselves positively in terms of agentic domains (e.g., status and intelligence) on both conscious and unconscious levels. However, they tend to have a neutral self-view in communal domains, such as kindness and morality.

That said, some studies found that there’s a strong link between narcissism and insecurity. Researchers at New York University suggest that narcissism is, in fact, self-hatred in disguise. This study concludes that narcissism is a result of deep-seated insecurities and self-elevating behaviors people use to cope with them.

Even though not all narcissists hate themselves, one thing is for certain: they tend to have a complicated relationship with themselves.

While they may appear self-confident, most narcissists are no strangers to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, shame, and insecurity, and they often project them onto others. Because they typically have a fragile sense of self, they rely on admiration and external validation to sustain a positive self-image.

Distinguishing Between Self-Hatred, Self-Doubt, and Insecurity

Narcissists who do hate themselves are particularly prone to self-doubt and insecurity. Although self-hatred, self-doubt, and insecurity are all different emotional experiences, these uncomfortable feelings often arise when someone threatens the narcissist’s sense of self-worth or self-esteem. This is known as narcissistic injury.

Since people with NPD typically have an unstable sense of self, they tend to react poorly when someone criticizes or humiliates them. Not receiving the amount of attention and admiration they believe they deserve or feeling rejected can also make them doubt themselves, trigger their insecurities, or lead to self-loathing.

That said, it’s important to note that there’s a difference between covert vs. overt narcissism and how these narcissists feel about themselves.

On this note, let’s learn more about the different types of narcissism and their self-image.

Different Types of Narcissism and Self-Perception

There are two types of narcissism:

1. Grandiose (overt)
2. Vulnerable (covert)
   

Grandiose narcissism is characterized by an exaggerated sense of superiority and self-importance; these narcissists tend to have high self-esteem. Conversely, vulnerable narcissism is marked by hypersensitivity and shame. Narcissists with low self-esteem fall into this type.

Most people imagine grandiose narcissists when they think of narcissism. However, New York University researchers suggest that grandiose narcissism is better understood as a behavioral manifestation of psychopathy rather than a type of narcissism.

Furthermore, they position vulnerable narcissism as “narcissism proper,” as it is a behavioral adaptation to cope with insecurities. In other words, there’s a link between narcissism and shame, insecurity, and self-elevating behaviors, which are all present in covert narcissists.

Therefore, the question, “Do narcissists hate themselves?” is more complex than you may expect. Grandiose narcissists tend to genuinely believe they are superior to others, so they rarely, if ever, struggle with self-hatred. Meanwhile, self-loathing narcissists tend to belong to the vulnerable type; they seek reassurance from others to mitigate their shame and insecurities.

Although their self-perception may differ, both grandiose and vulnerable narcissists can experience narcissistic injury.

Edinburgh Napier University researchers found that both types may react to it with overt or covert aggression (i.e., they may resort to physical violence or psychological abuse). However, while challenges to perceived self-authority are the underlying motive behind grandiose narcissists’ aggression, vulnerable ones are triggered by a fear of abandonment.

In other words, grandiose narcissists have high self-esteem, desire admiration and power, and don’t want their authority to be undermined. Vulnerable ones, meanwhile, struggle with low self-esteem, crave validation, and may act out if they feel rejected, as it triggers their deep-seated insecurities.

Grandiose vs. Vulnerable Narcissism

Narcissistic Behaviors as a Defense Mechanism

While grandiose narcissists display genuine grandiosity, believing they’re superior to others, vulnerable narcissists adopt narcissistic behaviors as a defense mechanism. In their case, narcissism is a compensatory mechanism used to mask insecurities, low self-worth, shame, and self-hatred.

The Role of Childhood Experiences and Unmet Needs

Adverse childhood experiences and unmet needs may play a role in the development of narcissism. Although some studies, such as one conducted by Hyatt et al., found that narcissism is generally unrelated to self-reported adverse developmental experiences, parental warmth, and monitoring, others suggest the opposite.

A study by Hanzec et al., for example, found that early risky family experiences are associated with the development of both grandiose and vulnerable narcissism. Interestingly, the study also found that vulnerable narcissism is linked to diminished personal well-being and distress, which isn’t the case with the grandiose type.

As such, it’s possible that grandiose and vulnerable types process and handle adverse childhood experiences differently. This could also explain why vulnerable narcissists hate themselves more frequently than grandiose ones, and why they use narcissism as a coping mechanism, even though they don’t feel genuinely superior to others.

How Coping Strategies Protect Against Feelings of Inadequacy

The main coping strategy narcissists use to protect themselves against feelings of inadequacy is performative self-elevation, according to New York University researchers who developed a scale to assess it.

In simple terms, self-elevation refers to insecurity-driven behaviors that narcissists, particularly vulnerable ones, adopt to manage their own and other people’s impressions of them. They control and preserve their self-image by presenting themselves as more important, successful, or powerful than they genuinely are or truly believe themselves to be.

Narcissists may also employ other coping strategies to deal with insecurities. For example, it’s not uncommon for them to put others down to make themselves feel superior. However, given that vulnerable narcissists generally fear abandonment, they’re less likely to belittle others than grandiose ones, who truly believe they’re above everyone else.

Can Narcissists Learn to Love Themselves?

Narcissists can learn to love themselves with the right support and guidance. While some may be able to develop a healthier relationship with themselves through self-reflection and self-awareness, most can benefit from seeking professional help instead.

Self-love and self-acceptance require vulnerability, which doesn’t come easily for most narcissists, and especially those who struggle with self-loathing. After all, admitting flaws and insecurities can feel scary. Plus, narcissists tend to seek external validation, which can be a complicated pattern to break without a professional.

Therapy can help them explore their deeper wounds, including any childhood experiences that might’ve contributed to their narcissistic behaviors. And once they understand the root of the issue, it can help them accept themselves unconditionally and find suitable strategies for building a more stable sense of self.

Besides therapy, narcissists who want to transform self-hatred into self-love should focus on building healthy relationships with others and developing emotional intelligence. This way, they can learn to connect with others authentically and receive genuine love and acceptance, which can help replace their constant hunger for external validation.

Ultimately, with dedication, patience, professional help, and a reliable support system, anyone, including narcissists who hate themselves, can develop a healthier sense of self.

Narcissism and the Enneagram: Is There a Connection?

There’s no direct connection between narcissism and the Enneagram. While the Enneagram is a powerful tool for self-awareness and personal growth, it isn’t a diagnostic instrument for mental health conditions, including narcissism. Therefore, anyone, regardless of their Enneagram type, can meet the criteria for NPD.

Interestingly, many personality types share traits that are commonly found in narcissists. These traits become especially prominent when the individual enters an unhealthy state. Here are some examples:

Type 1 (The Perfectionist)

The Enneagram Type One is ethical, responsible, and disciplined. When Ones are unhealthy, however, they can be extremely sensitive to criticism. At the same time, they become more critical of both themselves and others, which can trigger feelings of inadequacy. Furthermore, they may develop a sense of moral superiority, which can resemble narcissistic behaviors.

Type 2 (The Helper)

People with the Enneagram Type 2 personality are warm and empathetic, yet they have a strong need to be loved and accepted by others. Their need for external validation may mimic that of covert narcissists, especially when they’re unhealthy, as they may take it to extremes and become manipulative.

Type 3 (The Achiever)

The Enneagram Type 3 is characterized by charisma, self-assuredness, and competitiveness. People with this personality type are success-driven and image-conscious, which can resemble the narcissistic preoccupation with beauty and success. Moreover, unhealthy Threes may resort to immoral means to reach their goals, much like narcissists.

Type 4 (The Individualist)

The Enneagram Type 4 is all about authenticity and emotional depth. However, unhealthy Fours may have a fragile sense of self, obsess over their perceived flaws, and struggle with emotional outbursts, which can be seen in narcissistic individuals.

Additionally, narcissists tend to feel special yet compare themselves to others, becoming envious of them, both of which most Fours can relate to.

Type 8 (The Challenger)

The Enneagram Type 8 is bold, independent, and determined. Like narcissists, they struggle to be vulnerable around others. When they’re unhealthy, they can also be highly controlling, power-hungry, aggressive, and arrogant, all of which can be said about those with NPD.

Key Takeaways

The bottom line is that there’s no definitive answer to the question, “Do narcissists hate themselves?” since this personality disorder can manifest in different ways. While some narcissists do hate themselves, others don’t; still, even those who do can learn to love themselves with the right guidance.

Before you leave, let’s summarize what we’ve learned today:

• Narcissism is a personality trait marked by a heightened sense of self-importance; while everyone displays it to some degree, people with narcissistic personality disorder exhibit extreme levels of this trait.
• Vulnerable narcissists hate themselves deep down, whereas grandiose ones aren’t prone to self-loathing.
• There’s no direct link between the Enneagram and narcissism; virtually all personality types can display traits that can be considered narcissistic, especially when they’re unhealthy.