Toxic Friendship: How to Recognize It and Break the Cycle

A toxic friendship is a mentally draining relationship in which you feel like you give way more than you receive. As exhausting and one-sided as it usually is, this type of connection can severely affect your mental health and sense of self-worth.

In this article, we’ll look into the meaning of toxic friendship more closely, detailing the signs of a toxic friend and their impact on your well-being. Additionally, we’ll offer some useful tips on how to end a toxic friendship and prioritize self-care. Let’s dive in!

What Is a Toxic Friendship?

A toxic friendship is a form of an unhealthy social relationship in which you’re constantly criticized, neglected, and generally uncomfortable. Instead of building you up, a toxic friend has a way of putting you down and taking advantage of you. More often than not, they do so with a smile, masking their disrespect as jokes or even compliments.

Regardless of their approach, the result is always the same—you end up feeling unworthy and questioning your own value in the relationship. Still, you may be reluctant to call them out on their behavior, often making excuses for their actions and giving your all to be a good friend to them.

Needless to say, this is the exact opposite of how quality relationships work. Rather than being a two-way street, a toxic friendship is completely one-sided—one person puts in all the effort while the other only takes it without ever giving back.

9 Key Signs of a Toxic Friendship

Some of the warning signs of a toxic friendship include a lack of support, passive aggression, and disrespect for boundaries.

Let’s learn more about them and see how they play out by going through nine real-life toxic friendship examples:

#1. Lack of Support

If you need support overcoming difficulties in your life, a toxic friend likely won’t be there to lend you a helping hand. They may claim they’re too busy or downright dismiss your needs. Either way, you’ll be left to your own devices.

The same goes for celebrating your achievements, both big and small. For instance, if you get a promotion and want to share the good news with them, they may act indifferent and even downplay your success.

#2. Manipulation

Emotional manipulation in friendships is a surefire sign of toxicity. It can take on many forms, from blackmail and guilt trips to love bombing, all with the intention of getting you to do something you don’t want to do.

Toxic friends use these tactics for their own benefit, often at the expense of your well-being and needs. They may ask you to drop everything to be there for them, saying you’re the only one they can count on. This way, they’re playing on your conscience to benefit from your time and energy, leaving you drained.

#3. Constant Criticism

Constructive criticism is beneficial because it’s intended to help you grow and prosper. That said, criticism in a toxic friendship is anything but constructive. On the contrary, it’s harsh, frequent, and unjustified, almost as if it’s coming out of nowhere.

Whether it’s your appearance, behavior, opinions, career, or relationships, a toxic friend often has something negative to say about you. For example, if you’ve put on a little extra weight, they might make a snide remark about how you’ve let yourself go. These comments serve no purpose other than to bring you down and make you feel bad about yourself.

#4. Imbalance of Effort

As previously mentioned, a healthy friendship is a two-way street. Simply put, both people should invest energy and time to make it work. With that in mind, if you realize you’re putting in the effort without receiving much in return, your friendship is likely toxic.

For example, you may always be the one to reach out and make plans or check in on them when they’re feeling down. Meanwhile, when you’re going through a rough patch, they’re nowhere to be found. If this is the case, your friend may be taking your generosity for granted or, even worse, believe they’re entitled to it.

#5. Jealousy

Jealousy is one of the most common traits of an unhealthy friendship. A toxic friend can be jealous of your achievements and try to diminish them as a result. Even if it doesn’t take anything from them, your success seems to be a thorn in their side.

Alternatively, they can be jealous of other people in your life. As self-absorbed as they are, they want to be the center of (your) attention and may try to undermine your other relationships to keep you focused on them.

For instance, if you mention spending time with another friend, they may subtly criticize that person or even go behind your back, spreading rumors to tarnish your reputation.

#6. Frequent Conflicts

Conflict is a normal part of any relationship—in fact, it’s sometimes even welcome, as it can lead to a deeper understanding between people. However, in a toxic friendship, conflict often arises out of thin air and usually results in an argument. Needless to say, it’s nowhere near productive. Instead, it leaves you feeling drained, unsettled, and defeated.

Imagine telling your friend you couldn’t respond to their text right away because you were busy with work. Instead of understanding, they accuse you of not caring about your friendship and start bringing up past grievances. Not only would this resolve nothing, but you’d also be left questioning your actions and feeling emotionally drained.

#7. Disrespect of Boundaries

A toxic friend believes they have the right to your time, space, and energy. In other words, they expect you to be there whenever it’s convenient for them, especially if they need your help or support.

Instead of respecting the personal boundaries you’ve set for your well-being, they either ignore them or think they’re exempt from them. As a result, they may spam you with texts at all hours or show up at your door uninvited.

For instance, if you tell them you need some alone time to unwind after an eventful week, they might still insist on hanging out or try to make you feel guilty for wanting space.

#8. Peer Pressure

As John Donne wisely said, no man is an island. It’s in human nature to want to fit in and belong. Unfortunately, toxic friends take advantage of this logic to peer pressure you into doing things that go against your values or make you uncomfortable.

This is especially true if they engage in self-destructive behaviors and don’t want to stand alone. Let’s say your friend is known to be an excessive drinker. Instead of admitting to having an issue and dealing with it, they may try to persuade you to join and keep up with them.

#9. Gossiping and Betrayal

When you tell a friend something in confidence, you should rest assured your secret is safe with them. However, if that friend is toxic, they may spread your personal information around for their own enjoyment.

Imagine opening up to them about a painful breakup. Within days, you hear your entire social circle discussing it and your supposed friend making light of your feelings or even exaggerating details for drama. Not only does this betray your trust, but it also leaves you feeling exposed, vulnerable, and humiliated.

How Toxic Friendships Impact Mental Health

Mental health and friendships are closely linked. As much as a healthy friendship can uplift you, a toxic one can drain your energy and weigh you down with negativity.

Here are some common effects of toxic relationships with friends on your mental health:

#1. Feeling Isolated

Unlike healthy relationships, which increase your sense of connection, toxic friendships typically amplify loneliness. Whether your attempts to reach out go unanswered or you’re ignored when you spend time with them, a toxic friend leaves you feeling emotionally neglected and alone.

Nevertheless, they may still strive to keep you to themselves, subtly alienating you from other friends and even family members. In the long run, this can lead to a loss of your support network, further deepening your dependence on the toxic friend and creating a perpetual cycle of isolation.

#2. Experiencing Excessive Stress

Inconsistent behavior and constant negativity are major stressors in any relationship. With a toxic friend, this often means feeling like you’re walking on eggshells—instead of being yourself, you watch every word you say to avoid triggering their outburst.

Over time, the constant tension can create feelings of irritability and anxiety, wearing down your emotional well-being. It can even manifest as physical symptoms, such as headaches and sleep disturbances.

#3. Having Decreased Self-Esteem

Being criticized, put down, and unsupported by someone close to you can take a toll on your sense of self-worth. If it goes on for long enough, a toxic friend’s bad treatment of you can eventually condition you into believing you don’t deserve any better.

As a result, you may start doubting your abilities and strengths and devaluing yourself to affirm their words. This shift in how you see yourself can leave you feeling trapped in the toxic friendship and hesitant to seek better relationships.

#4. Developing Fear of Conflict

Frequent arguments over the smallest, most insignificant things are a common occurrence in a toxic friendship. In addition to being uncomfortable and stressful, they can affect how you handle conflict in other relationships.

As you get used to not speaking your truth to avoid upsetting a toxic friend, you may find yourself becoming wary of confrontation altogether. This can cause you to avoid addressing important issues, even when they arise in healthier, more supportive relationships.

#5. Developing Trust Issues

By gossiping about you and sharing your secrets, a toxic friend can leave a lasting mark on your ability to trust. Not only will that affect your relationship with them, but it can also make you hesitant to open up to other people.

You may even withdraw into yourself completely out of fear of being betrayed again. Needless to say, such an attitude can hold you back from making new, healthier connections.

3 Strategies for Dealing With Toxic Friends

Strategies for dealing with toxic friends all have the same purpose—to help you protect yourself from negativity and learn how to prioritize your well-being.

With that in mind, let’s see what you can do after recognizing toxic behaviors in a friend:

#1. Set Firm Boundaries

If you want to see whether your friendship can be saved or you need to walk away, you need to set firm boundaries. Make it clear that you refuse to tolerate being treated poorly, whether it means being lied to, criticized, or pressured into doing things against your will.

Your friend’s reaction will provide you with all the clarity you need. If they apologize for their previous behavior and honor your boundaries, they may deserve a second chance. However, if they try to make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself, you’ll probably be better off without them.

#2. Decrease Contact

If your friend is indeed toxic, it’s best to cut them out of your life completely. Unfortunately, this isn’t always possible—if you have the same social circle or work together, you’re bound to cross paths.

However, this doesn’t mean you must stay friends. You can gradually decrease contact by reducing the amount of time you spend with them one-on-one. In addition, you can stop reaching out to them and make a point of responding less to their texts and calls.

#3. Seek Outside Support

As previously mentioned, getting stuck in a toxic friendship can isolate you from other people in your life and even make you distrustful of them. Subsequently, you may find it hard to form healthy, meaningful relationships again.

That said, it’s important to lean on your support system, both while interacting with a toxic friend and after cutting them off. You can start small—seek therapy to help process your emotions, regain your self-esteem, and learn how to reconnect with friends you may have distanced yourself from.

How to Know if You’re the Toxic Friend

It may be difficult to realize if you’re the toxic one in your friendship dynamics, especially because of all the manipulation, blame-shifting, and gaslighting that happens in unhealthy relationships. Namely, toxic people are usually skilled at making others feel like they’re the problem.

Still, if nearly every friendship feels toxic to you, that may be a sign that you are indeed the one at fault. If this is the case, you should look inward and reflect on your behaviors. Think about what you bring to your relationships and how your words and actions impact those around you.

Do you often regret how you’ve treated someone close to you? Are your friends there for you more than you are for them? Have they ever tried to tell you that your behavior hurts their feelings? Answer these questions to yourself honestly, without defensiveness, to gain some clarity on your role in your friendship dynamics.

How the Enneagram Test Can Help

The Enneagram test takes little time but can be of big help in understanding yourself better and improving your relationships, both romantic and platonic.

This is because Enneagram types reveal unique traits, motivations, and communication styles, offering valuable insight into how you interact with others.

On top of that, your results will come with useful growth tips that can help you heal after ending a toxic friendship or guide you toward positive change if you realize you’ve been the toxic one.

Final Thoughts

A toxic friendship is a perpetual cycle of manipulation, criticism, disrespect, and betrayal, exemplifying everything a healthy social relationship isn’t. Needless to say, it can take a toll on your mental health and lead to long-lasting effects, such as depression, anxiety, and trust issues.

With that in mind, it’s important to stand up for yourself and break the cycle. Whether this means cutting the toxic friend off completely or decreasing contact with them, you must remember that prioritizing your well-being doesn’t make you selfish. On the contrary, it’s a necessary step toward reclaiming your peace of mind and making space for healthier connections.

Toxic Friendship FAQ