Why Some People Hate Compliments and How To Overcome It

Low self-esteem, social anxiety, and suspiciousness are the main reasons why some people hate compliments. Although most of us desire recognition and admiration, various psychological, social, and personality-based factors can make you dislike praise, even when it’s genuine and well-intended.

In this article, we’ll dive deeper into why some people hate compliments, explain how different personality types in the Enneagram system react to them, and teach you how to receive praise more gracefully. Let’s begin!

Why Some People Hate Compliments?

Self-esteem and self-worth issues, social anxiety, impostor phenomenon, and suspiciousness are the key reasons why some people hate compliments. Habitual rejection of praise is also common among people who dislike being the center of attention, as receiving it puts them in the spotlight.

With this in mind, let’s discuss the reasons why some people hate compliments in greater depth:

#1. Low Self-Esteem & Self-Worth Issues

People with low self-esteem and self-worth issues often struggle to accept compliments because they clash with their self-view, triggering cognitive dissonance.

Simply put, negative self-perception can make people highly aware of their flaws. In turn, receiving praise highlights the gap between how they perceive themselves and how others perceive them, leading to confusion and internal conflict.

Self-esteem and self-worth issues can lead people to hold the belief that they aren’t good enough so tightly that they may misinterpret compliments. For instance, they may assume that others are saying positive things about them out of pity or politeness rather than genuine admiration of their traits, skills, or achievements.

#2. Social Anxiety & Fear of Judgment

Although praise is a form of positive social interaction, social anxiety is associated with compliment sensitivity because it triggers fear of being evaluated and judged.

A study by Nikolić et al. suggests that inflated praise, in particular, increases blushing in socially anxious children, which may be their way of “apologizing” ahead of time for not living up to other people’s expectations.

Furthermore, some people hate compliments because social anxiety causes them to overthink social interactions and worry about responding “correctly.” As such, even praise can cause tremendous stress for such individuals.

#3. Impostor Phenomenon

Impostor phenomenon (commonly referred to as impostor syndrome) causes persistent feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, and it’s one of the main reasons why some people hate compliments. Because people struggling with this syndrome attribute their achievements and abilities to luck, timing, or other factors outside themselves, they may feel undeserving of praise.

This psychological phenomenon can also make people uncomfortable with compliments by triggering feelings of guilt, which only intensifies the sense of being a fraud. Plus, praise can make them feel pressured to keep performing perfectly to justify and keep up with other people’s expectations.

#4. Suspicion of Motives

Some people hate compliments because they don’t trust the intentions behind them, believing others only say positive things about them to manipulate, mock, flatter, or get something in return. Such suspiciousness typically stems from past experiences.

For example, a person whose friends or family would only praise them before asking for a favor may begin to associate compliments with obligation rather than sincerity. As a result of internalizing the belief that compliments are inherently transactional, they may feel cautious when others praise them, even when they’re being absolutely genuine.

Now that you know why some people dislike being praised, let’s explore the link between personality traits and compliment discomfort.

Personality Traits That Make Compliments Uncomfortable

Here are some personality traits that can make compliments uncomfortable:

• Humility. People who are naturally modest and humble are often uncomfortable with praise because they usually avoid self-focus and downplay their achievements. They may also struggle to accept compliments out offear of coming off as arrogant, as that’s not how they want others to perceive them.
• Shyness. Compliments can trigger anxiety and self-consciousness in shy people, as they prefer to blend into the background rather than draw attention.
• Cynicism. Cynical individuals may be uncomfortable with compliments, responding with skepticism and suspicion rather than accepting them at face value.
• Introversion. While not all people with introverted personalities dislike compliments, many find them uncomfortable because they draw attention to them. Excessive praise can also overwhelm and drain such individuals.
• Neuroticism. People with neurotic traits often struggle with self-doubt, anxiety, and negative thinking. As such, even positive remarks can make them uncomfortable, causing them to overthink everything from their own abilities to other people’s intentions.
• Perfectionism. There’s a strong link between perfectionism and praise discomfort, as perfectionists have a relentless inner critic that causes them to fixate on their flaws and mistakes. This, coupled with the fact that praise only highlights a standard they feel they haven’t met, explains why it can be very challenging for them to accept compliments.

People who display people-pleasing tendencies may also sometimes feel uncomfortable with compliments because they struggle to accept kindness; after all, people pleasers are more used to giving than receiving.

5 Effective Tips for Giving Compliments to People Who Dislike Them

Below are five tips you can follow to make your compliments more effective and ensure they are well-received even by those who dislike being praised:

1. Be sincere. Spotting flattery is easier than you may think, especially for those who are generally suspicious or uncomfortable with praise. As such, it’s critical that you stay authentic and only give compliments when you truly mean them.
2. Be specific. Generic praise is more likely to come across as inauthentic or performative than compliments tailored to the person and the situation. Therefore, it’s best to highlight specific actions or qualities when complimenting people. For example, “I appreciate how clear and simple your explanation was, you really helped me understand this better” is more effective than “Well done!”
3. Do it sparingly. If you’re talking to someone who hates compliments, try not to shower them with praise at any chance you get; it will only fuel their anxiety. A single well-timed and well-thought-out compliment is likely to be more impactful than frequent praise. Not only is it less overwhelming, but it also feels more meaningful to the recipient.
4. Keep it private. Given that most people who dislike compliments avoid being the center of attention, the worst thing you can do is expose them to public praise. To make them feel more comfortable, express your acknowledgment and admiration in a private setting. This also reduces social pressure, making your words more likely to be received well.
5. Avoid exaggeration. Overblown praise can make people suspicious of your motives or trigger feelings of inadequacy, so keep it measured and concise. For best results, avoid absolute statements (“You always…” or “You never…”), dramatic compliments (e.g., “Wow, you totally blew me away!”), and comparative phrases, such as “You’re so much better than everyone else in our department!”

Learn How to Receive Compliments: 4 Proven Strategies

You can learn to receive compliments by acknowledging them, reflecting on your self-worth, practicing self-acceptance, and reframing your mindset.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these strategies:

#1. Acknowledge the Compliment

The first step to taking a compliment gracefully is to acknowledge it. Instead of brushing it off, redirecting it, or explaining yourself, pause and take a moment to recognize it. This lets you respond mindfully to it; a simple “Thank you” is more than enough to express appreciation.

While this may feel uncomfortable at first, this small but powerful practice should become second nature over time. And once it does, you should have greater confidence in receiving recognition and praise, which can help you internalize positive feedback rather than dismiss it.

#2. Reflect on Your Self-Worth

Since self-worth issues are among the main reasons why some people hate compliments, linking praise to your internal sense of value is key to learning to accept them. When someone complements you, don’t dismiss it outright; instead, reflect on their words and see whether you can recognize what they appreciate about you within yourself.

This way, you can deepen your self-awareness and strengthen your self-esteem, bridging the gap between who you truly are and how others perceive you. Journaling and reminding yourself of past successes can also help you build self-worth and, in turn, receive compliments without guilt.

#3. Practice Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance enables you to recognize your strengths, come to terms with your weaknesses, and overcome the fear of judgment. In doing so, it can help you learn to receive compliments without discomfort.

After all, once you stop judging yourself, you develop a more objective view of who you are, allowing you to let go of perfectionism, impostor syndrome, and self-doubt. As a result, praise begins to feel like genuine recognition rather than an accentuation of your shortcomings.

You can cultivate self-acceptance by:

• Not comparing yourself to others
• Reminding yourself of your past achievements and celebrating new ones
• Embracing mistakes as a natural part of the learning process rather than failure or a character flaw

#4. Reframe Your Mindset

Reframing your mindset can help you become more comfortable with receiving compliments, especially if you tend to perceive them as threatening and question people’s motives. This tip is also helpful for those who dislike praise because they feel pressured to reciprocate.

In either case, you can benefit from reflecting on your deep-seated beliefs about compliments and intentionally shifting your mindset. For example, if you feel pressured to reciprocate, remind yourself that you aren’t obligated to respond in any particular way; it’s perfectly fine for you to simply acknowledge the compliment by saying “Thank you.”

This small shift alone can help you no longer perceive praise as a source of stress, allowing you to get more comfortable with it.

Next, let’s discuss how different Enneagram types react to compliments.

Enneagram Insights: How Different Types React to Compliments

Each Enneagram type has distinct core motivations and fears that shape how they respond to compliments. While some, such as Threes, crave them, others (e.g., Ones) are more likely to dismiss them.

That said, let’s explore each type in greater depth:

Enneagram 1

Conscientious and moral, the Enneagram Type 1 is also known as The Perfectionist due to its desire for correctness and continuous improvement. As such, it’s no surprise that Ones often struggle to receive compliments; their harsh inner critic causes them to focus on their flaws, so they rarely, if ever, feel deserving of them.

Enneagram 2

The warm-hearted Enneagram Type 2 craves love and acceptance above all else. While Twos genuinely desire to help others, they also long for their efforts to be recognized, so they usually appreciate compliments. However, if they feel like these are unearned or draw too much attention to them, they may deflect praise and highlight other people’s contributions instead.

Enneagram 3

The Enneagram Type 3 is ambitious and image-oriented. Threes are very comfortable with praise, as they desire admiration and want to be seen as successful and capable. While praise fuels their motivation, it can also put excessive pressure on them; they may worry about letting others down or not meeting expectations.

Enneagram 4

Since the Enneagram Type 4 yearns to be authentic and unique, Fours appreciate genuine, meaningful, and thoughtful compliments that highlight their individuality or creativity. However, they dislike generic praise, and while they want to be seen and accepted for who they are, too much attention can make them self-conscious.

Enneagram 5

The reserved and analytical Enneagram Type 5 strives to be competent, but even though Fives may want others to recognize their knowledge and abilities, they strongly dislike public recognition; it simply clashes with their need for privacy. While they may accept subtle compliments, excessive praise usually feels dishonest and intrusive to them.

Enneagram 6

The Enneagram Type 6 desires security, which also makes it prone to anxiety, worry, and suspicion. Although Sixes value belonging and like to feel appreciated by those they trust, they may be skeptical of compliments coming from those outside their inner circle. In some cases, compliments can trigger anxiety and overthinking in this type.

Enneagram 7

The optimistic and freedom-loving Enneagram Type 7 wants to experience life to the fullest. Although they’re generally open to compliments and like to receive praise, they may dismiss compliments that add obligations or otherwise limit their freedom.

Enneagram 8

The Enneagram Type 8 is assertive, bold, and independent. Because they long to maintain control of their lives, Eights can be quite dominant; therefore, if a compliment emphasizes a power imbalance between them and the giver, they may not receive it well. Still, they usually appreciate praise, especially for their accomplishments.

Enneagram 9

The adaptable and agreeable Enneagram Type 9 craves peace and harmony. Nines usually react to compliments quietly, and they prefer receiving compliments in subtle, private ways rather than publicly. Since they dislike being the center of attention, they may downplay or deflect praise that puts them in the spotlight.

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Key Takeaways

Now that we’ve discussed why some people hate compliments at length, it’s time to summarize what we’ve learned today:

• Some personality traits that can make compliments uncomfortable include humility, neuroticism, shyness, and perfectionism.
• The key to giving compliments to people who dislike them is to do so tactfully, sincerely, and in moderation, as excessive praise can easily overwhelm them.
• Shifting your mindset, acknowledging compliments, reflecting on your self-worth, and cultivating self-acceptance can help you grow more comfortable with praise.
• Enneagram insights can help you understand how to praise people of different personality types; for example, Threes don’t mind public recognition, whereas Fives and Nines would rather receive praise privately.

Why Some People Hate Compliments FAQs

#1. Why do some people not like recognition?

Some people don’t like recognition because they feel undeserving, whereas others dislike it because it conflicts with their negative self-perception. Another reason why some people hate compliments is that it brings their attention to the power differential between them and the person giving them, such as a boss or another authority figure.

#2. How can I learn to accept compliments gracefully?

You can learn to accept compliments gracefully by simply saying “Thank you.” Instead of immediately dismissing the compliment or downplaying your achievements, pause and express appreciation, even if it feels uncomfortable. You might find it easier to practice accepting compliments with someone you trust, such as a friend or a family member.

#3. Are introverts more likely to dislike compliments?

Introverts are generally more likely to dislike compliments than extroverts, but this isn’t always the case. While many introverted individuals are generally uncomfortable with attention and prefer to stay out of the spotlight, others can take a compliment without feeling awkward. Most introverts, however, find small gestures of recognition more appealing than public praise.