Toxic Positivity: How It Shows Up in Each Enneagram Type

Toxic positivity is a tendency to disregard reality and possible unfavorable emotions, conditions, or consequences by focusing entirely on a ‘positive mindset.’ While there’s nothing wrong with being optimistic and thinking positively, disconnecting from reality due to an excessive need to ‘stay positive’ can be dangerous and harmful.

In this article, we’ll explore how each Enneagram type can be prone to toxic positivity in different areas of their lives and how the Enneagram test and theory can help prevent it by supporting healthy emotional balance and self-awareness. Let’s dive in!

Key Takeaways

• Toxic positivity is a way of thinking that insists on having a positive outlook at all times, no matter how difficult or painful the challenges a person faces.
• This type of thinking is harmful because it blocks psychological growth and emotional maturation and can lead an individual to dangerous situations and mental states, as it disregards reality.
• The Enneagram test and theory can help you identify and overcome toxic positivity by supporting emotional balance and self-awareness.

What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity refers to a specific mindset based on the belief that people should maintain a positive and optimistic outlook in all circumstances. It disregards how painful or challenging the situation may be for them personally or how dangerous the circumstances objectively are.

Maintaining a positive mindset amidst highly stressful, painful, and difficult circumstances requires an individual to dismiss their natural emotional reactions, which may include fear, anger, or sadness. This way, positivity becomes a tool of emotional repression instead of supporting mental well-being.

The problem with toxic positivity isn’t focusing on the ‘bright side’ of everything—it’s the tendency to exclude unpleasant emotions, as every emotion has a particular function.

For example, fear informs us that we are in danger, sadness alerts us about loss, and anger indicates our personal boundaries have been crossed. Not feeling anger can lead us to being manipulated by others who have no trouble crossing our boundaries, while not feeling fear can put us in dangerous situations.

So, ignoring our emotions prevents us from understanding the situation we are in and finding the most effective solution. Toxic positivity is actually a short-term fix, an unhealthy defense mechanism that relieves us from feeling the discomfort of facing reality but has long-term consequences on our decisions and actions.

In addition, toxic positivity can also be used as a way to manipulate people to ignore their natural instincts and align their behavior with the manipulator’s interest.

That said, let’s go over some key signs and examples of toxic positivity.

Signs and Examples of Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity can be encouraged on social media, in the workplace, in specific cultures, or in a close family environment. Regardless of its context, it can be recognized by particular signs, including specific verbal expressions like the following:

• “Don’t be so negative; it’s just a bump on the road”—in a situation where a person is experiencing a major life crisis, like divorce, health issues, unemployment, and similar. The person getting this message may feel abandoned instead of getting the support they need.
• “Good vibes only” is often seen on social media, and instead of encouraging people to be genuinely optimistic, it actually makes them feel ‘guilty’ for not being as positive as they are pressured to be.
• “Forgive and forget” is usually used to comfort people who are facing some kind of loss that is either hard to forgive or for which forgiveness plays no role, and the person needs some time to mourn.

There are many variations of these expressions, but their message is universal: don’t feel your feelings, move on, and don’t bother others with your emotional processes.

Why and How Can Toxic Positivity Be Harmful?

Toxic positivity is always harmful and should be differentiated from healthy optimism. Different personality types may experience it in different areas and on different levels, but that doesn’t make it any less harmful. Let’s highlight its most dangerous consequences:

#1. Blocking Natural Developmental Processes

To grow, we need to be aware of our feelings, face them, and endure them no matter how unpleasant they are. While the warm presence of a person who understands what we are going through can make our burden feel lighter and help us persevere through challenges, there are no quick fixes to emotional processes.

In other words, we have to experience all our emotions to overcome the challenges, stresses, and traumas we face as humans.

When we push ourselves or others to ignore feelings, suppress them, and ‘stay positive,’ we’re actually blocking the natural process of emotional development.

#2. Triggering Guilt and Shame

Telling someone who’s going through a major loss to look on the bright side may easily make them feel like something is wrong with them, since people naturally struggle to be happy while dealing with pain.

As a result, toxic positivity triggers guilt and shame, making the person feel isolated and abandoned precisely at the point when they need more social support and understanding.

#3. Leading to Distance in Relationships

Emotional intimacy requires honesty. When you push the other person to disregard their feelings and ‘stay positive’ while they are trying to explain how they feel, you’re creating distance in the relationship. If not addressed, such distance inevitably grows over time and eventually leads to a breakup.

#4. Exposure to High-Risk Situations

Disregarding facts combined with emotional repression easily leads to making high-risk life choices that may result in taking on more challenges than one can deal with and unnecessary exposure to all kinds of risks.

How Can You Deal With Toxic Positivity?

Dealing with toxic positivity may feel like a lonely mission, especially if you’re experiencing it within your family circle, where it is natural to expect the most support. Nevertheless, whether it is coming as an internal imperative or external expectation, it is essential to recognize and deal with it effectively.

Let’s take a look at a few useful strategies:

Dealing With Toxic Positivity Coming From Others

When you’re forced to stay positive by people in your environment, regardless of whether they are your parents, coworkers, or partners, it is essential to:

• Enforce your boundaries. The more you’re in touch with yourself, the more easily it will be for you to maintain gentle but firm boundaries and prevent others from giving you advice you didn’t ask for. So, allow yourself to follow your natural instincts and not let other people tell you what and how you should feel.
• Confront toxic positivity with facts. In some cases, providing a brief education on the harmful effects of toxic positivity can make a difference. Many times, people displaying toxic positivity aren’t aware of what they are doing, and understanding the consequences of their approach can make them change their perspective and, consequently, their behavior too.
• Deflect and redirect the conversation. In other cases, people simply don’t want to hear what you’ve got to say or how you feel. So, when others insist on toxic positivity and you don’t feel that confronting them makes any difference, just redirect the conversation and seek more contact with those who don’t push you to be false positive.

Dealing With Toxic Positivity in Yourself

Dealing with toxic positivity coming from within can be even more challenging than when it is coming from others. The key is to practice emotional acceptance and remind yourself that all emotions are equally important and that none of them will last forever. Here are some tips on how to recognize and overcome toxic positivity in yourself:

• Avoid telling yourself ‘it could be worse’ or ‘just stay positive.’ Stop to reflect on what feelings you might avoid when using these phrases. Understanding why you want to avoid certain feelings and channeling them in healthy ways will give you deeper comfort than pushing yourself to remain positive despite everything.
• Become aware of your triggers. Notice what makes you insist on positivity and how you encourage it in others. For example, you may hurry to ‘fix’ others when they are in pain, while they only need your emotional support, not instructions.

Toxic Positivity and the Enneagram

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Every Enneagram personality type develops a unique set of beliefs that drive their behavior and make them more or less prone to toxic positivity. Types that are the most prone to it are Threes, Sevens, and Nines.

Threes, also called the Achievers, may insist on ‘staying positive’ as a way to suppress their feelings and dedicate themselves to their endless to-do lists without being distracted by their own or others’ emotions.

Type Seven, the Enthusiast, is very creative in finding ways to avoid dealing with pain. Just like Enneagram 7 fictional character Joy from Inside Out says: “No sadness allowed, let’s focus on fun!” Sevens try to evade unpleasant emotions by distracting themselves with fun and pleasure.

For Nines, known as the Peacemakers, toxic positivity is most often a strategy to avoid or postpone conflicts and ensure everyone feels good.

Enneagram types that are the least prone to toxic positivity are Fours, Sixes, and Eights.

Fours, also known as the Individualists, aren’t the least interested in faking anything, especially not in faking that they feel good when they don’t. They also don’t have trouble sitting with others’ discomfort, as they genuinely empathize with others.

For Sixes, known as the Loyalists, it is a challenge to remain realistic and not drown in their pessimistic forecasts, so toxic positivity isn’t something they easily practice.

Eights, or the Challengers, are well-grounded and convinced they have no one else to rely on but themselves, so they have to remain aware of reality to be able to protect themselves. As a result, toxic positivity isn’t an option.

How Enneagram Wings Influence Toxic Positivity

Each Enneagram type can be influenced by one of its Enneagram wings, which can encourage or discourage toxic positivity.

For example, an Eight with a Seven wing (8w7) can be more prone to toxic positivity than a typical Challenger, and a Three with a Four wing will surely not be as prone to it as a typical Three.

What Are Your Emotional Blind Spots?

How prone is your personality type to toxic positivity? Take our free Enneagram test and find out now! Your Enneagram test report comes with complete insight into your core strengths, weaknesses, talents, and career advice.

Final Thoughts

It is essential to understand that toxic positivity isn’t about discounting optimism but finding the balance between reality and hope. Real strength can’t come from dismissing unpleasant emotions and denying anyone’s reality, but acknowledging that pain, sorrow, rage, and other negative feelings are just as important as positive ones.

We need to feel a full spectrum of emotions to be able to grow and develop psychologically and emotionally. The real value of the Enneagram test and theory isn’t in being categorized into a certain type but in promoting self-awareness and supporting emotional balance.

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