How Enneagram Types Handle Breakups: A Detailed Guide

Learning how Enneagram types handle breakups provides deeper insights into each type’s relationship needs. Moreover, each Enneatype reacts differently to a breakup, depending on their values. Some move on quickly, while others need time to process their emotions.

Breakups are generally a sensitive topic, and every breakup is unique, just like every relationship is. Understanding your reaction to a breakup can help you overcome it, which is why we’ll analyze the reasons each personality type ends a relationship and how they react when their partner does it.

Let’s start!

Understanding the Enneagram and How It Relates to Breakups

The Enneagram theory describes each Enneagram type’s core motivation, needs, desires, strengths, and weaknesses, as well as their relationship compatibility. Hence, it provides a detailed insight into personality dynamics, including how Enneagram types handle breakups.

Moreover, the Enneagram also explains each type’s typical defense mechanism, which is a part of their breakup strategy.

So, by taking an Enneagram test and determining your Enneagram type, you get a complete psychological portrait. By helping you to understand yourself on a deeper level, the Enneagram helps you handle all kinds of challenges, including breakups, more efficiently and with less heartbreak.

How Do Enneagram Types Handle Breakups: Full Analysis with Tips for Healing

To understand Enneagram breakup coping mechanisms, we’ll explore the motivations of Enneagram types in relationships and offer tips on how they can heal and grow from the experience.

Without further ado, let’s see how Enneagram types handle breakups.

Enneagram 1—The Perfectionist

Enneagram Type One seeks someone who shares their values and with whom they can build a stable relationship. Mutual respect is just as important as love to them.

Why they break up: One breaks up when their partner fails to meet their high standards, does something that goes against their value system, or doesn’t show motivation to improve and grow personally.

Why their partners break up with them: It can be challenging to meet Type One’s high standards, so their partners often end the relationship because they feel they can never be good enough for the Perfectionist. One’s partners may feel like they are constantly scrutinized.

How this Enneagram type handles breakups: Perfectionists are extremely self-critical, and their first reaction to a breakup is to analyze what led to the connection failing. They refuse to move on until they completely process the heartbreak and throw themself into their work, hoping to heal faster.

How to heal: Replace self-criticism with self-compassion and let go of the need to ‘fix’ what is beyond repair.

Enneagram 2—The Helper

Relationships are what makes life worth living for Enneagram Type Two. Twos always give their best to make their relationships work, even when that’s not in their own best interest.

Why they break up: Twos crave reciprocity and break up when they realize they will never get what they are capable of giving. They typically try everything they can to save the connection before giving up, so they feel utterly exhausted after the breakup.

Why their partners break up with them: The insatiable need for reassurance in a relationship often pushes Twos’ partners away instead of bringing them closer. On top of it, Twos’ partners may feel smothered by Twos’ constant need to provide care and affection.

How this Enneagram type handles breakups: The gentle Helpers feel completely defeated after a breakup, regardless of who broke up. They question their worth and dream of getting their partner back.

How to heal: Focus on what you love, not why you’re not loved. Learn to be your own best friend by practicing self-love. Reflecting on how Enneagram types handle breakups would be particularly beneficial for you because it would help you understand how your behavior may affect your partner’s feelings.

Enneagram 3—The Achiever

Threes seek partners who align with their professional goals and complement their public image. They also value passion and ambition in their partners.

Why they break up: If a partner constantly embarrasses them in public or hinders their image or career in some way, the Threes won’t wait long to end the relationship.

Why their partners break up with them: Feeling neglected is the first and most common reason Threes’ partners may break up with them, as Threes mainly focus on their career goals and avoid emotional intimacy.

How this Enneagram type handles breakups: The ambitious Achievers struggle to face their emotions and generally avoid emotional vulnerability. They may pretend like they don’t care, ‘faking it until they make it,’ or enter a new relationship too quickly.

How to heal: Unlike Ones, you should take time to reflect and analyze what went wrong. Only through embracing vulnerability and understanding your needs will you be able to grow and avoid repeating the same relationship pattern.

Enneagram 4—The Individualist

Romantic Fours are prone to holding unrealistic beliefs about love. They need to connect with someone on a spiritual level, and their relationships are often intense and unpredictable.

Why they break up: Fours crave to feel understood and accepted, and if they don’t feel seen and heard in a relationship, they tend to leave quickly.

Why their partners break up with them: Unpredictability and moodiness typical of Fours often make their partners feel insecure in a relationship. Such insecurity makes the relationship unstable and propels their partners to end it.

How this Enneagram type handles breakups: The breakup triggers Four’s abandonment wound, and they need time to recover and move on. In addition, they may idealize their ex-partner, believing that they will never find someone as special.

How to heal: Express your emotions through creative outlets and seek support from your friends and loved ones. When you overcome the hardest part, re-examine your relationship beliefs and analyze how they hold up against reality.

Enneagram 5—The Investigator

Fives love their autonomy, and relationships are usually not a priority in their lives. Emotionally reserved and cautious, they need a lot of time to open up emotionally, and they are ready for that only when they recognize that the other person is intellectually compatible.

Why they break up: If they feel overwhelmed by their partner’s emotional intensity or perceive their independence is jeopardized, Fives will distance themselves and ultimately leave the relationship.

Why their partners break up with them: Fives’ emotional unresponsiveness makes their partners feel lonely in the relationship, making them question Fives’ feelings. Since they rarely get reassurance about love from Investigators, their partners give up and leave the relationship.

How this Enneagram type handles breakups: Like typical introverts, Fives withdraw into their inner world and analyze what went wrong, trying to be objective. They detach themselves emotionally and may try to avoid heartache by dedicating themselves to their work.

How to heal: Resist the urge to self-isolate and seek support and comfort from your friends and family. Don’t overthink what went wrong, but focus more on your feelings.

Enneagram 6—The Loyalist

Sixes seek deep, meaningful connections and a partner they can rely on when the going gets tough. Relationships are very important to them, and they invest a lot of energy into building and preserving them.

Why they break up: Sixes can’t forgive betrayal. They leave when they feel they can’t trust their partner.

Why their partners break up with them: Similarly to Twos, Sixes can also smother their partners with their need for reassurance and overwhelm them with their chronic anxiety. As a result, their partners may see the relationship as too dramatic and eventually break up.

How this Enneagram type handles breakups: Prone to pessimism, Sixes fall into despair, fearing they will never find love again. They may also strategize how to win their ex-partner back.

How to heal: Focus on yourself and your needs, connect with friends, and allow them to comfort you. Practice positive thinking and avoid obsessing over the future.

Enneagram 7—The Enthusiast

Sevens seek a partner who can ignite their passion, tickle their curiosity, and provide intellectual stimulation. They struggle with acknowledging and processing deeper feelings and need a mature partner who can understand their need for freedom.

Why they break up: If they feel constrained and trapped by their partners’ expectations or lack excitement and challenge, Sevens will not dwell on how to improve the connection but leave without a second thought.

Why their partners break up with them: Their partners may feel like they never know where they stand with Sevens or like the connection is shallow. When the initial spark fades out, their partners may feel lonely, empty, and disappointed, so they opt for a breakup since they see no initiative from Sevens to make any improvements.

How this Enneagram type handles breakups: The Enthusiast avoids unpleasant feelings at all costs, so they will run away from facing heartache by embracing escapist behavior, such as excessive partying, binge-watching TV shows, and similar activities.

How to heal: Sit with your emotions and resist the urge to escape them. Reflect on the positive and negative aspects of the relationship and embrace the lessons it brings you.

Enneagram 8—The Challenger

Eights give devotion, passion, and loyalty, expecting the same in return. They value deep emotional connections, though they can also be very adventurous. Nevertheless, when they recognize someone has the values they seek, they are ready to commit.

Why they break up: Lack of passion, disrespect, and betrayal are the strongest triggers for Type Eight. When their trust is broken, they leave without any hesitation.

Why their partners break up with them: Possessiveness and need for control can make Eights’ partners feel constrained. Moreover, they may feel overwhelmed by Eights’ intensity or intimidated by their strong will. So, ultimately, they may leave the relationship because they refuse to handle the pressure Challengers put on them.

How this Enneagram type handles breakups: The Challenger struggles to deal with their vulnerability, hiding their heartache with rage. They may be vindictive if they feel their partner humiliated them or betrayed their trust.

How to heal: Avoid angry outbursts. Sit with your wounds and share your pain with people who you love and trust. Embrace your vulnerability to overcome the pain of the breakup. Analyzing insights on how Enneagram types handle breakups can help you avoid repeating mistakes in the future.

Enneagram 9—The Peacemaker

Peacemakers seek harmony and understanding in relationships. They need a partner who is stable, inspiring, and creative.

Why they break up: If their partner is too confrontational or makes them feel insignificant, Nines will withdraw emotionally and eventually leave.

Why their partners break up with them: Their partners may feel irritated by Nines’ passive attitude or frustrated by their tendency to avoid conflicts. They may interpret their laid-back approach to relationships as a lack of affection and choose to end it as a result.

How this Enneagram type handles breakups: Nines withdraw into their own world to regain inner peace, intellectualize their feelings, and avoid confronting pain.

How to heal: Instead of withdrawing, seek support from your friends and loved ones. Allow yourself to grieve to be able to move on. Avoid passivity and take practical steps, such as expressing your feelings through art or practicing self-care, to recover from the heartache.

Ready to Grow From Your Experiences?

Take the Enneagram test and learn how to face every challenge, including breakups, with calmness, grace, and wisdom. Understanding your Enneagram type will help you map your personal growth path and use your strengths to your maximum advantage!

Final Thoughts

While breakups are generally a delicate and often painful topic, when approached with self-awareness and emotional maturity, they can be a great inspiration for personal growth.

Therefore, understanding the reason for each Enneagram's heartbreak allows us to see how their core needs and values reflect their decisions and behaviors. Moreover, exploring the Enneagram test and Enneagram compatibility in detail can also provide significant insights into how each type handles breakups.

So, we hope this article encourages you to reflect on your breakups, grow from your experiences, and improve your relationships with the insights you gained.

How Enneagram Types Handle Breakups FAQ