The Secrets of Enneagram Love Languages Revealed

Enneagram love languages describe different ways in which Enneagram types express and receive love.

There are as many Enneagram love languages as there are Enneagram types, despite the fact that the love language theory describes only five of them. The reason behind this is that our communication style encapsulates our essence, and as individuals, we develop our own distinct language of love.

However, the Enneagram personality test and theory offer a great way to map the key communication channels and styles in which we express and receive love most smoothly. So, in this article, we’ll describe the Enneagram love languages in detail to understand what each Enneatype needs to love and feel loved.

What Are Love Languages?

Love languages describe the ways in which we express, recognize, and receive love. They can be viewed as communication channels, which we are most attuned to in love relationships.

The theory behind this framework has been around since 1992, when a marriage counselor named Gary Chapman published it in his very well-received book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.

So, these are the five love languages that the love language theory proposes:

• Words of affirmation: praise, affirmation, appreciation
• Physical touch: kisses, hugs, cuddles
• Receiving gifts: thoughtful presents and gestures
• Quality time: focused, uninterrupted mutual activities and conversations
• Acts of service: practical help and support

It is important to understand that our love language isn’t something inherent. We learned it in childhood through the way we were brought up, loved, and cared for.

Sometimes, it reflects the pattern we adopted because that’s how love was expressed in our primary family. Other times, our love language speaks more about what we lacked while growing up.

Either way, understanding the five love languages and how each of us uses them opens the door to more empathetic, closer, and deeper relationships in our lives.

Love Languages of Each Enneagram Type

The love language of each Enneagram type provides us with valuable insights, allowing us to improve all aspects of communication in a relationship. It is also important to note that certain types may use one love language to give and the other to receive love.

Now, let's see how each Enneagram type expresses and receives love.

Enneagram One Love Language

Enneagram One Love language is based on acts of service and quality time. Ones aren’t particularly emotionally expressive, so the most natural way for them to show love is through acts of service. In other words, if a One loves you, they will pitch in to help around the house, whether it is making breakfast or cleaning up after you.

On the other hand, the way they receive love isn’t so much about acts of service as it is about spending quality time together. One needs deep, long conversations and shared activities to feel really loved. They also deeply appreciate words of affirmation, and they need plenty of support to silence their inner critic and enjoy love.

Physical touch and gifts are the least important love languages for Ones, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t sensual or passionate. Rather, it means that they don’t mix lust and passion with love and commitment and always choose love over desire.

Enneagram Two Love Language

Enneagram Two love language is mostly based on acts of service and words of affirmation. Twos are known for going out of their way to help people they love, so acts of service are the most natural way for them to show their emotions. They are also likely to shower their loved ones with gifts and kind words, and they are generally very warm and expressive.

In terms of receiving love, Twos need words of appreciation. Nothing offends a Two as the lack of gratitude for all the attention, support, and care they provide to other people. They need validation, recognition, and respect and crave reciprocity in relationships.

Deeply insecure and terrified of abandonment, Twos readily put all their needs aside to please others. For this reason, they need to hear that they are loved, what they mean to you, and how much you care. Spending quality time together is also very important for Twos to feel loved, though it isn’t their primary love language.

To gain a deeper understanding of your personality and how it influences your love language, try our Big Five test.

Enneagram Three Love Language

Enneagram Three love language is based on words of affirmation and acts of service. That’s because Threes need lots of encouragement and support despite their self-assured image. Deep down, they are chronically worried about their image and afraid that even the smallest mistake or failure might reveal them as unlovable.

For this reason, you can never praise, compliment, and encourage Type Three enough. Doing so won’t go to their heads; it will just make them feel safe with you.

In terms of expressing love, Threes are people of action, and they will show that they love you through their deeds. If a Three loves you, they will enjoy giving you extravagant gifts and always offer to help you.

Physical touch may not be the most important thing for Threes, but it is still high on their list of priorities in a relationship since they are very passionate and sensual individuals.

Enneagram Four Love Language

Enneagram Four love language consists of words of affirmation and quality time. Fours need a lot of reassurance that they are loved despite their perceived flaws. For this reason, they crave to hear loud and clear why you love them, what they mean to you, how you see them, and what you think of them.

Spending time together in shared activities and conversations or just being close to each other is also of vital importance for Type Four. They are introverted individuals who seek deep, meaningful connections, and they enjoy delving deep into relationships. They need time and space to build intimacy, though.

Moreover, although physical touch isn’t their main love language, it can significantly enhance other aspects of relationships and communication in general. This means that when you praise or express admiration for your Four partner, you can follow up by caressing them gently or offering a hug.

Enneagram Five Love Language

Enneagram Five love language is dominantly based on acts of service and quality time. The rational, intellectually-oriented Fives don’t care much for kind words or gifts. To them, these are only superficial signs of love, and they are looking for deep, real commitment.

Therefore, they crave quality time to build intimacy with their loved ones. Considering their trust issues and difficulty with expressing emotions, as a Five’s partner, you need to provide plenty of quality time for shared activities. Spending time together, listening actively to what they have to say, and showing interest in their passions are the best ways to make a Five feel loved.

Acts of service are also highly valued in Five’s world. They believe that action speaks louder than words, and they are very practical in this regard.

Of all the Enneagram types, Fives are the least romantic and sensual, so it doesn’t come as a surprise that physical touch doesn’t play a significant aspect in their relationships.

Enneagram Six Love Language

Enneagram Six love language tends to be very complicated. Sixes show love through acts of service, gifts, and words of affirmation, but they receive it through quality time and physical touch. This means that Six will go out of their way to help and support you by doing things for you while also providing plenty of emotional support along the way.

However, to feel loved, Sixes don’t need someone to do things for them. They need quality time with their significant other to talk, unwind, and build emotional intimacy. Additionally, they require constant reassurance from their partner that they are loved and are very responsive to words of affirmation.

Furthermore, while Sixes will rarely state that physical touch plays an important role in their relationships, it doesn’t make it any less effective for building a quality connection. The insecure Sixes benefit greatly from warm hugs, cuddles, and caresses, as physical touch instills a sense of belonging in them, which they crave.

Enneagram Seven Love Language

Enneagram Seven love languages are dominantly based on quality time. Spending quality time together is the key to a happy relationship with Seven, both in terms of giving and receiving love.

The spontaneous and playful Sevens may easily switch from one communication channel to another, but their need to spend time with you remains constantly high when they are in love. They are also likely to show love through amusing gifts and charming gestures, but they don’t expect those in return to feel loved.

Since they are very passionate and have a strong hedonistic streak, physical touch will also play a very important role in their relationships. They dominantly need intellectual stimulation, but they are also very sensitive to physical expressions of love.

So, if a Seven regularly includes you in their plans and is eager to spend time with you, that will speak more about their feelings for you than any words they might say.

Enneagram Eight Love Language

Enneagram Eight love language is a dynamic combination of acts of service, physical touch, and quality time. Eights find it extremely hard to open up and be vulnerable around other people, so any expression of tenderness triggers their fear of being seen as weak and, therefore, susceptible to manipulation.

As a result, Eights show their love by doing things for you, offering help and protection when you need it. They also show their affection by allocating special time for the relationship and focusing entirely on you.

Since they are very distrustful, they seek solid evidence that they are loved, meaning they also receive love through acts of service and quality time. Kind words and gifts mean nothing to them—they want their partner to show loyalty and devotion through consistent behavior.

In addition, though Eights don’t perceive physical touch as an expression of love, it still plays an important role in their relationships as they are very sensual individuals.

Curious to delve further into your partner's unique love language? Take our Get to Know Your Partner Test to uncover more insights.

Enneagram Nine Love Language

Enneagram Nine love language is based on acts of service, words of affirmation, and quality time. The compassionate, deeply understanding Nines show love openly and tactfully through a combination of thoughtful gestures and kind words. They listen to their partner carefully and readily offer help without waiting to be asked for it.

However, they do not receive love through acts of service. Nines don’t want their partner to help them with housework and chores. They need someone who shares their interests to spend quality time together. It is also important for Nines to hear loudly and clearly how much they mean to their partner.

So, when they show love, Nines do it through acts of service and words of affirmation. However, to feel loved, they need quality time together and plenty of emotional support. Physical touch is also very important to them and can enhance emotional connection.

To learn more about how these traits influence parenting, check out our Enneagram Parenting article.

Key Takeaways

All five love languages are utilized by each Enneagram type, although to varying degrees. Understanding your love language can improve your communication not only in romantic relationships but also with other people in general, be it friends, family, or coworkers.

That’s because when you are aware of what makes you feel loved and accepted, you are empowered to assert your needs and ask for what you need directly and openly.

Moreover, learning about your own love languages allows you to understand other personality type’s love languages more easily, thus making room for a deeper connection.