Enneagram 4 Friendship: Deep and Meaningful Bonds

Enneagram 4 friendships are characterized by unique, quite deep bonds based on spiritual, emotional, and intellectual compatibility. This is because Fours, also known as the Individualists, are very romantic and have very high and often idealistic ideas about friendships.

In this article, we’ll explore what kind of friend the Individualist is, what they look for in a friendship, what challenges they face, and what unique strengths they show.

Let’s dive in!

What Are Enneagram 4s Like as Friends? 4 Key Traits

Enneagram Type 4 is an amazing and special friend in many ways due to some special qualities they bring into every connection, including:

#1. Understanding

Fours are deeply compassionate, and they can understand their friends on a very deep level, being great listeners who aren’t afraid of other people’s intense emotions. They enjoy exploring the psychological depths of human personality and can offer unique support to their friends because of that.

In addition, providing comfort and validation to others in times of emotional turbulence and all kinds of life crises feels natural to Type Four. As a result, Fours’ friends eagerly turn to them for support when they experience challenges.

#2. Insight

Due to their inherent need to explore their own psychological and emotional states, Fours come to unique insights for their friends who are experiencing intense personal growth. Plus, they are highly perceptive and notice the delicate traits and tendencies their friends display, thus supporting their self-awareness.

Their refined perception, an eye for detail, and deep insights bring exceptional depth to Enneagram 4 friendships. Thanks to these traits, Fours are often the catalysts of change in their friends’ lives.

#3. Honesty

While they are never as explicit as Eights nor straightforward like Ones, Fours are exceptionally honest in communication with their friends. Their honesty is colored by their profound compassion and understanding of the logic of emotions and, therefore, is never threatening to others.

In fact, Fours never use their honesty as an excuse to criticize or insult their friends. Moreover, it’s usually a powerful tool for reinforcing their connections. Due to this, their friends are always interested in hearing their opinions.

#4. Intensity

Fours are very intense emotionally, and they never take their relationships lightly. For this reason, their friendships are characterized by unique intensity based on the intricate bonds they form with other people.

Each of their friendships is intense in a different way, depending on what they share with a specific person.

Sometimes, they are based on shared creative talents, as Fours enjoy the intense intellectual and artistic exchange. Other times, they can be based on shared traits, and these connections are usually exceptionally dynamic.

3 Wonderful Strengths of Enneagram Type 4 as a Friend

The strengths of Enneagram Type 4 as a friend stem from their emotionally colorful and exceptionally creative nature. Here are their most distinguished ones:

#1. Wisdom

Fours’ lives are all about soul-searching, self-discovery, and finding their identity. Thanks to their need to understand themselves, they grow to understand other people as well. Due to this, they become exquisitely wise, even at a very young age; their friends enjoy talking to them, as they know they will always get valuable feedback.

In addition, Fours often fascinate their friends with their level of insight and ability to always find an entirely different perspective for every issue they share with them.

#2. Spontaneity

Individualists are introverted yet very open and spontaneous with people they are close with. Moreover, they can be very playful and fun, as they know how to enjoy life to the fullest. In fact, they enjoy letting go of rules and discipline and freely following their intuition and feelings, which their friends often find very inspiring.

On the other hand, some people may find them unpredictable and unreliable because of this, but the truth is that they simply want to enjoy their freedom and invite their friends to do the same.

#3. Creativity

Fours bring plenty of creativity into their friendships. It’s evident in many ways, from the way they communicate with their friends to the gatherings they organize and activities they engage in. Moreover, they are also creative in the way they support and offer advice to their friends, always looking at things from a fresh angle.

Therefore, thanks to their imaginative and refined nature, Fours inspire their friends to see the beauty and purpose in the little, everyday things.

4 Biggest Challenges of Being Friends With the Individualist

Typical Enneagram 4 friendship challenges arise as a consequence of their intense nature and tendency to be subjective. Let’s have an overview of the most prominent ones:

#1. Unpredictable Reactions

Fours can be very impulsive, as they believe that the only right way to live is to follow their heart wherever it takes them.

While this makes them spontaneous and fun, it can also lead to unpredictable reactions that confuse their friends. They are also prone to mood swings and can be highly irritable, especially under stress, which may lead to conflicts in Enneagram 4 friendships.

#2. Tendency to Self-Isolate

Fours are one of the most introverted Enneagram types, and they instinctively take time to self-reflect after having an emotionally intense experience. However, their friends might interpret their need for self-isolation as abandonment or a sudden pulling away from closeness.

#3. Envy

Fours’ core fear is that they are somehow inherently flawed and that no matter what they do, they will never be as good as they perceive others to be. This fear pushes them to constantly compare themselves to others, and sometimes, they compare themselves to their friends. These comparisons never end well for them, as they are prone to feeling jealous and envious toward those friends whom they perceive as better than them in some way. Needless to say, this can threaten even their closest friendships.

#4. Inability to Accept Constructive Criticism

Individualists are hypersensitive and tend to take everything personally. For this reason, they may perceive even the best-intentioned, constructive criticism as unfair and react by withdrawing or engaging in a conflict.

3 Tips on How to Build a Strong Friendship with the Enneagram Type 4

Building a strong Enneagram 4 friendship requires sharing values and ideals before anything else. Here are a few essential tips for developing one:

#1. Foster Patience and Understanding

Enneagram 4 friendships require plenty of patience and understanding because of the Individualists’ delicate and sensitive nature. Their friends need to have the same level of emotional sensitivity to understand them while at the same time being mature enough to stay with Fours through their emotional storms.

In addition, Fours’ impulsiveness and unpredictability require not only knowing them well but also understanding the psychology of human personality on a very deep level. Without such knowledge, it is easy to misinterpret their behavior, making it very hard to build emotional intimacy.

#2. Acknowledge and Celebrate Their Uniqueness

It is very important for Fours to feel seen and understood for who they really are and also for who they want to be. Therefore, it is essential that, as a friend of theirs, you show admiration and enthusiasm for their creative ideas and endeavors, cherish their need for self-expression, and recognize their uniqueness.

Fours may look more confident than they are, so ensure you support them in pursuing their talents. They need a lot of reassurance about their worth and significance, regardless of how proud and, at times, even arrogant they may seem. For this reason, never hesitate to show them how much you appreciate both their virtues and flaws.

#3. Foster Emotional Depth

An Enneagram 4 friendship must be based on a deep emotional connection, or it will not stand the test of time. Individualists thrive on emotional bonds, and they need to feel spiritually and intellectually compatible with their friends to be willing to invest themselves emotionally.

So, sharing your values, talking about your ideals, and being passionate about your interests are the things that Fours respect and seek in friendship. They need an emotionally dynamic, honest, and inspiring interaction, and they aren’t willing to settle for anything less.

With that in mind, don’t hesitate to share your feelings with your Type Four friend, engage in discussions with them, and ask them for their opinion and insight on issues that matter to you.

How Can Individualists Become Better Friends?

Individualists can become better friends by fostering a sense of stability in Enneagram 4 friendships. Here are some practical tips for achieving that:

Avoid Idealizing Your Friendships

You have very idealistic ideas about what a friendship should look like and easily project this idealized image onto people who you recognize as similar to you. However, reality always beats fantasy, and you end up feeling betrayed when the friendship takes a different course.

Don’t rush into connections or hurry the emotional intimacy; let things roll out spontaneously, and the closeness will grow naturally. Otherwise, after every idealization, you will inevitably experience devaluation, which can be emotionally exhausting for you.

Focus on Your Friend’s Needs

You tend to be consumed by your own emotions, as you are naturally introspective and spend a lot of time thinking about your feelings and experiences. Your friends may sometimes find you egocentric, so it is important that you learn to shift your focus outward and notice your friend’s needs.

Don’t Hide or Isolate Yourself

Though you don’t run away from conflicts, they are exceptionally hard for you because they trigger the fear of abandonment in you. As a result, you hide in social isolation, unconsciously abandoning others to prevent them from abandoning you.

So, the next time you feel the instinct to isolate yourself, don’t give in to it. Talk through it, communicate how you feel, and remain in touch with your friends.

What Enneagram Type Could Your BFF Be?

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Key Takeaways

Enneagram 4 friendships are intricate, exciting, intense, very inspiring, and definitely challenging!

Becoming an Individualist’s friend requires a very specific temperament and sensibility, so let’s go back once again to remind ourselves of what makes Enneagram 4 friendships so unique:

• Fours seek deep, purposeful connections with like-minded individuals who share their values, goals, and ideals.
• Building a healthy Enneagram 4 friendship requires patience, understanding, emotional maturity, and willingness for personal growth.
• Fours need to overcome their tendency to idealize their friendships and set more realistic expectations to avoid feeling unnecessarily disappointed and misunderstood.