Enneagram 3 Child: The Star is Born!

An Enneagram 3 child is a kid who enjoys entertaining other people and being in the limelight. They are energetic, charming, and loud, and they simply can’t go unnoticed. However, they are just as sensitive as every other child, and their parents need to learn to see their needs and emotions beyond their perfect performances.

In this article, we’ll analyze the psychological profile of an Enneagram 3 child, explore their strengths and challenges, and provide parenting advice for their caregivers.

Overview of Enneagram Type 3

Enneagram Type 3, also known as the Achiever, is recognized for their ambition, charisma, and determination. Threes are goal-oriented, driven by the need to succeed and impress other people, as public recognition and image are very important to them. For this reason, they strive to develop all their potential and become the best version of themselves.

Achievers set high standards for themselves and relentlessly pursue their goals, as they value themselves through their achievements. Therefore, the more successful they are, the stronger their feelings of self-respect are. Hardworking and image-conscious, Threes crave external validation and want to be admired for who they are.

Since public opinion is very important to them, Threes develop all the skills needed to make a favorable impression. In other words, they are excellent communicators who easily seduce and charm others.

Moreover, their charisma makes them very attractive, and people often perceive them as natural leaders. Indeed, they have many leadership qualities, which are often reflected in their career choices too.

While committed to their careers and social status, Threes also know how to have fun, as they have a strong hedonistic streak and enjoy adventures. They tend to lead very exciting, adventurous lives full of passion, ups and downs, and interesting experiences.

Their hunger for success and recognition leads them to both light and dark paths, so their life experiences are very diverse. As they mature, they learn to value intimacy and personal relationships more, and we will explain why that is so by analyzing Enneagram 3 as a child.

7+ Key Characteristics of Enneagram 3 Children

The key characteristics of Enneagram 3 children are best explained through their core strengths and weaknesses. Here’s what distinguishes the little Achiever from other kids:

4 Biggest Strengths of Enneagram 3 Children

The essential, inherent strengths of an Enneagram 3 child include:

• Initiative: Type Three children take charge in every game they play and are usually very dexterous. Other children look up to them because of that and readily follow their initiatives.
• Confidence: Little Achievers don’t waste time doubting themselves. They aren’t afraid to work hard to get what they want and readily try new things.
• Resilience: An Enneagram 3 child adapts swiftly to changing circumstances, thrives under pressure, and generally manages well the expectations their caregivers and other important adults project on them.
• Sociability: Little Threes are very communicative, open, and easily make new friends. They enjoy being in a dynamic, exciting environment that stimulates their competitive spirit.

4 Common Struggles Faced by Enneagram 3 Children

Now, let’s take a closer look at typical struggles faced by Enneagram 3 children:

• Perfectionism: Type Three children easily learn new skills, but they believe they have to excel at everything they do, so when they fail to be the best at something, they feel deeply defeated and insecure.
• Fear of failure: Since they tie their sense of their self-worth with the level of success they achieve in different fields, failure terrifies little Threes. They believe that the moment they fail at something, they lose the love of their caregivers.
• Dependence on external validation: Type Three children are usually praised for their success and, therefore, learn that their worth depends on how they perform. As a result, their sense of self entirely depends on external validation.
• Overcompetitiveness: Type Three children can be hostile toward other kids, as they are very competitive. Winning is more important to them than friendship because that’s what they conclude based on the experiences in their family.

Identifying an Enneagram 3 Child: 5 Telling Signs

Identifying an Enneagram 3 isn’t too hard since they like to stand out and, therefore, are easily distinguished from other children.

Still, these are some common indicators that can help you spot the little Achiever easily:

• High energy: Type Three children are rarely peaceful and quiet. They are full of energy, initiative, and enthusiasm and are always on the move.
• Performing skills: Threes often have a talent for public performance and enjoy the attention they get because of it. They don't shy away from singing, dancing, reciting, and similar acts, as they love impressing others.
• Charm: Little Achievers have natural charisma and intuitively know how to use it to draw other people’s attention. They are usually very popular in their social circles and have a lot of friends because of it.
• Dexterousness: An Enneagram 3 child is very skilled both physically and intellectually. They excel in many sports and are just as successful when it comes to academic work.
• Leadership skills: Type Three children tend to establish themselves as leaders in their social groups very quickly. That’s because the combination of their talents, communication skills, energy, and initiative irresistibly draws other children toward them.

Desires of an Enneagram 3 Child

The Enneagram 3 child’s core motivation is colored by their need for validation from important adults in their lives. Here’s an overview of the crucial influences that shape their inner landscape:

Core Desires and Motivations

An Enneagram 3 child’s early life experiences are such that they are led to believe that only success and achievement can get them the love, validation, and acceptance they crave. For this reason, success becomes their obsession. For them, it doesn’t even matter what they are doing as long as they are doing it well enough to earn the admiration of others.

As a result, they develop relentless determination and a highly competitive spirit, which, combined with their inherent talents, often makes them extraordinary in some areas. Such upbringing often leaves them emotionally immature to some extent, as they are more focused on external validation than on their authentic needs.

Core Fears and Triggers

The core fear of every Enneagram 3 child is that they will somehow fail in life and, therefore, be perceived as losers, undeserving of love, respect, and acceptance. They struggle to accept defeat, mistakes, and failures, even when they are insignificant, always investing fully in what they do to ensure victory.

Moreover, they are deeply triggered when they face serious rivalry, as the possibility of being defeated and failing their caregiver’s expectations is too terrifying and overwhelming to them.

Stress Responses in Enneagram 3 Children

Though generally very resilient, Enneagram 3 children also experience plenty of stress, which is mostly generated by their chronic fear of failure. So, here’s how they typically react and cope with it:

Typical Reactions to Stress

Under stress, an Enneagram 3 child becomes highly irritable and self-critical. They push themselves to try harder, showing perfectionistic tendencies, obsessing over mistakes, and feeling inadequate.

They may also focus more on maintaining and protecting their public image, which may lead them to cheat and use all kinds of childish tricks to control their caregiver’s perception of them.

Coping Mechanisms

Enneagram Type Three’s primary defense mechanism is identification. This means they easily take on the traits they perceive as desirable from others to maintain the targeted image of success.

As a result, little Achievers become social chameleons who learn very early in life to ‘fake it till they make it.’ Sometimes, they become very cruel toward their peers, whom they perceive as competition, thus compromising their friendships.

In addition, they also cope with stress by throwing themselves into their activities and hobbies, believing that success will save them from facing any other real issue.

Health and Well-Being Indicators

Children naturally want to please their parents, and therefore, it is not always easy to recognize when they are having a hard time. With that in mind, here are the most typical signs of emotional well-being and stress in an Enneagram 3 child:

Signs of Emotional Well-Being

A happy and fulfilled Enneagram 3 child who feels safe within their family and knows they are loved for who they are and not for what they do is full of energy yet not overbearing, playful, and charming. They are still very ambitious, active, and passionate, but they don’t jeopardize their relationships with their peers due to competition and rivalry.

Moreover, they connect with their peers in a more authentic manner, building closer relationships and displaying more compassion for others.

Indicators of Stress or Distress

Stressed Type 3s insist too much on taking the leading roles in their social circles, striving to be in the limelight at all costs. They are the overbearing kid who wants to dominate every game they play, intimidating other children with their overzealous attitude.

Moreover, the more stress they experience, the more they become prone to experiencing psychosomatic issues like headaches and strains of all kinds. Their tension may also make it hard for them to fall asleep and focus throughout the day.

Parenting Strategies for Enneagram 3 Children

While they seem very strong and self-confident, Type Three children have weak spots that need to be recognized by their caregivers so that they can avoid developing unhealthy behavioral patterns.

With that in mind, here are a few essential, practical tips related to parenting style and parenting personality that an Enneagram 3 child needs:

Focus on Emotional Well-being

The parents of an Enneagram 3 child tend to focus too much on the little Achiver’s successes, which, while often impressive, shouldn’t be the reason to neglect the child’s emotional well-being and needs.

Instead of praising the child only when they achieve something significant, parents should show more love, affection, and praise to the child for who they are, not for what they achieve.

This means they should spend time with their Type Three child just having fun, exchanging hugs and cuddling, and asking them how they feel when they come home from school, not just what grade they got.

Teach Them the Value of Relationships

Type Three children are driven by the belief that their parents only value them when they are successful, therefore neglecting their connections at the cost of hard work that earns them success.

So, parents need to show the Enneagram 3 child that relationships are just as important. The best way to do that is through personal example, by building a healthy, close connection with the child and fostering open communication and vulnerability.

Make Them Feel Accepted

Loving someone unconditionally is hard, even when that someone is your child. Moreover, that’s particularly hard for parents who have never experienced what it feels like to be loved in such a way. Therefore, the parents of an Enneagram 3 child need to question the way they were loved to become aware of how they show love and what love means to them.

Only parents who love themselves unconditionally can love their children in the same way and teach them compassion, closeness, and connection.

Final Thoughts

So, if you are lucky enough to have an Enneagram 3 child, make sure they feel seen and loved for who they are and not just for what they do. With that in mind, let’s wrap up by focusing on the key insights about Enneagram 3 children:

• All the biggest issues the Enneagram 3 personality type experiences in life come from the lack of unconditional acceptance and love. It is essential that their parents learn to build healthy relationships with them and show a lot of warmth and affection.
• A healthy Enneagram 3 child can be recognized by their playfulness, enthusiasm, energy, and charisma.
• Type Three children need to be taught to value relationships and authenticity in their lives.