Enneagram 9 Friendship: Traits, Strengths, and Challenges

Enneagram 9 friendships are uniquely beautiful and characterized by a complex intellectual and emotional exchange. Nines get along easily with everyone, but not everyone can be close to them—those who can enjoy the many amazing qualities Nines have to offer.

In this article, we’ll analyze the strengths and challenges of Enneagram 9 friendships, the needs and fears that mark them, and the ways in which Nines can become even better friends.

4 Essential Traits of Enneagram Type 9 as a Friend

The essential traits of Enneagram Type Nine as a friend reflect their deeply altruistic nature. The most admirable qualities in Enneagram 9 friendships develop from it, including:

#1. Empathy

Nines are deeply compassionate and easily understand even people they don’t have much in common with. Their capacity to understand others without being judgmental is extremely well-developed, and as a result, they have a wide circle of very different friends around them.

Their empathy is so natural and instinctive that their friends don’t have to use too many words to describe how they feel and what they are going through. Nines intuitively read other people’s feelings and respond to them with honest care and understanding.

#2. Open-Mindedness

The Peacemaker is truly open to different perspectives, influences, opinions, cultures, and lifestyles. For this reason, they have a knack for creating an inclusive community in which everyone feels seen, heard, and accepted.

In addition, their open-mindedness leads them to learn many different things and enrich their own experience of life. It also inspires them to think in innovative, non-traditional ways and objectively perceive reality.

#3. Patience

One of the reasons why Nines’ friendships are so stable and lasting is their incredible patience. They don’t get angry or insulted if their friends withdraw from their lives for some time or don’t call them back for longer than usual. On the contrary, they give their friends the time and space to process their experiences and emotions.

They are wise and connect with others in a meaningful way, spontaneously allowing others to grow and develop at their own pace. Plus, they never pressure their friends to do anything they are not ready for and patiently wait for the moment they can talk or reconnect with them in the least stressful way.

#4. Adaptability

Nines are one of the most adaptable and friendliest Enneagram types. They easily blend into new environments and accept changes easily. Thanks to their adaptability, they can effortlessly keep up with all kinds of people without experiencing too much stress.

Moreover, adapting to other people’s lifestyles and needs also gives them a unique insight into their friends’ motivations. By being aware of these, they learn to understand different perspectives and accept their friends with all their flaws and virtues, knowing the origins of both.

3 Biggest Strengths of the Peacemaker as a Friend

The biggest strengths of the Peacemaker friend stem from the combination of empathy and a unique knowledge of human nature. With that in mind, let’s look at some of their best qualities in Enneagram 9 friendships:

#1. Wisdom

Introspective, perceptive, and intuitive Nines are deep thinkers who develop fascinating wisdom through life. Their insights are powerful and bring clarity and new perspectives into their friends’ lives, providing them with unique support and guidance.

This wisdom, paired with their desire for harmony, makes Nines irreplaceable as protectors of the wellbeing of their community. It's often rooted in the Nines' childhood experiences to carry a deep-seated desire for harmony, shaping their empathetic and wise approach to friendships.

Their friends spontaneously turn to them in times of need, knowing they can rely on Nines for practical, genuinely benevolent advice.

#2. Calmness

Nines aren’t easily affected by conflicts, pressure, or any kind of stress in regard to their friendships. They remain calm and collected in crisis, thinking rationally and objectively and fostering an atmosphere of acceptance and harmony.

Needless to say, their calmness has a balancing effect on their friends, which is why Nines are great companions during tough times.

Because of this, the Peacemaker effortlessly creates a safe space for all of their friends to be authentic and express a whole range of emotions without being afraid that they will jeopardize their friendship by doing so.

#3. Mediating Skills

Due to their need for peace within themselves and around them, Nines have highly developed mediating skills. They are excellent at diffusing conflicts and helping their friends find a middle ground. As a result, they are rather valuable when tensions arise in their friends’ circles and are always the first to react to calm the situation.

While they may avoid participating in the conflict themselves—as direct confrontation is very stressful for them—they excel at helping others restore peace and harmony, compromise, and overcome differences.

3 Significant Challenges of Being Friends With Enneagram Type 9

The challenges of being friends with Enneagram Type 9 revolve around some of the traits that are generally considered their strengths. This means that even Nine’s best qualities can sometimes hinder instead of fostering Enneagram 9 friendships.

So, here are the typical issues that arise between Nines and their friends:

#1. Lack of Initiative

Nines find it hard to make decisions, as they are too focused on pleasing everyone around them and always try to balance their decisions and choices so they don’t hurt anyone. Plus, they always want to maintain peace and avoid making decisionsthey perceive as possibly peace-disrupting.

Waiting for everyone to agree before they make a call on something fully comes at the price of unspoken frustrations and unresolved tensions. This lack of assertiveness can cause their friends to lose their patience and potentially lead to conflicts.

#2. Conflict Avoidance

While they have excellent conflict resolution skills in general and are great at resolving issues they are not personally involved in; Nines are terrified of direct confrontation. Due to this, they may go along with things they don’t actually agree with just to keep the peace rather than speak up and assert their opinion.

Since they avoid speaking up, their friends may never learn how Nines really feel or what they really need in friendship. Logically, this may lead to Nines feeling deeply lonely despite their wide circle of friends.

Finally, anger and resentment build up in the Peacemakers as they try to suppress their dissatisfaction and maintain harmony. Consequently, this may lead to broken friendships and abandonment—the very things Nines are most afraid of.

#3. Isolation Tendencies

Nines' typical reaction to stress is to check out; they tend to disengage even from relationships with their closest friends when overwhelmed. Though friendly, these individuals are essentially introverted and need their time alone to process their impressions, thoughts, and feelings.

However, they need to either better communicate their need for their time alone or learn not to withdraw when their emotions get the best of them. Otherwise, their friends may feel let down, especially when they rely on Nine’s warm presence and engagement.

3 Great Strategies for Reinforcing Enneagram 9 Friendships

The strategies for reinforcing Enneagram 9 friendships should be based on encouraging Nines to be more assertive in expressing their needs in a friendship. Here are the key insights they can rely on:

#1. Create a Safe Space for Their Feelings

Since Nines tend to avoid conflicts and struggle with asserting their needs and opinions, it is important to encourage them to speak up and ask for what they need from you. Show them that your friendship is safe and stable and that they can be honest about their feelings with you.

Validate your friend’s feelings and remind them that friendship should be based on reciprocity and that their needs and feelings are just as important as yours.

This kind of exchange can make a substantial difference not only in Enneagram 9 friendship but also in Nines’ lives in general. Knowing they have your support, they will find it easier to speak up in other situations too.

#2. Encourage Them to Pursue Their Talents

Nines tend to be entirely focused on supporting others and their dreams, giving up on their own too easily. This is because they generally feel less important than other people and, as a result, put others first.

As their friend, you can show them that they will not be bad friends if they invest more energy into pursuing their own talents and dreams. Show support for their aspirations, and be the kind of friend they are to you. You’ll witness immense personal growth on their side, which will also positively impact the Enneagram 9 friendship on every level.

#3. Show Them How Much They Mean to You

Your Peacemaker friend may seem like they don’t need any kind of validation or appreciation because of their easygoing attitude. However, they often struggle with feeling overlooked, especially considering their focus on others’ needs.

So, showing gratitude in friendship for their warm presence, genuine support, and all the love they bring into your life is a powerful way to reinforce the Enneagram 9 friendship. It will also make your Enneagram 9 friend feel more secure.

What Can Peacemakers Do to Be Better Friends?

Now let’s see what changes and insights Enneagram 9 friends need to improve their friendship skills and achieve more satisfaction in their connections:

• Find a balance between harmony and assertiveness: You must understand that sacrificing your personal needs doesn’t lead to harmony in the long run. It can spare you the unpleasant experience at the moment but leads to frustration and pent-up anger in the long run.
• Learn to stand up for yourself: Your friendships are a safe space where you should feel free to express your needs and opinions. Differences don’t have to lead to conflict; on the contrary, different perspectives enrich your bonds with others.
• Learn to take the initiative: Don’t always wait for your friends to make all the important calls in the relationship. Allow yourself to suggest activities you prefer. This will show your friends that you’re invested in friendship.
• Set healthy boundaries in friendship: The essential skill for enjoying healthy relationships is learning to say “no” to things you don’t fully agree on and refuse to do favors you don’t have the resources for.

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Key Takeaways

Enneagram 9 friendships are usually very inspiring and full of joy because Nines bring a unique combination of creativity, compassion, and understanding into their bonds.

Since you now understand the essence of Enneagram 9 friendships, let’s ensure you remember it by highlighting the key insights from this article:

• Enneagram 9 friendships are based on genuine empathy and a deep understanding of human nature.
• Type Nine needs to practice assertiveness, set boundaries, and stay engaged to foster more fulfilling friendships.
• Show your Enneagram 9 friend how much you appreciate them, validate their feelings, and encourage them to express their needs and pursue their talents to strengthen the friendship.